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"Don't keep it bottled up inside" is a saying many of us are familiar with. By now, most of us are aware that ignoring your emotions is an unhealthy practice. Yet many of us do it anyway. I don't think I'm particularly stoic, but as I get older, I've realised that I do tend to not express how I'm feeling, and that this practice has led to anxiety. One example of this happened just a few weeks ago. Prior to this year's Motor Show, I had trouble sleeping. I would keep waking up with my mind racing. Worse, I even dreamt about work. As I reflected on what was troubling me, I realised that it wasn't the Motor Show per se. It was me picturing the work that had to be done. Image: charlesdeluvio, Unsplash Small steps In my previous post, I talked about how tidying up my study became much easier after I split the room into three areas to simplify the process. In this case, I was picturing the event, post-event and following week as one enormous task to be taken on all at once. My mind began planning everything from meeting industry friends and acquaintances to cars to check out to the stories I'd have to write. Then I also mentally mapped the social media aspects (and angles). Therein lay the problem: I was looking at it as a single task, when I should have remembered all along that it's really several smaller assignments to be progressively completed. This writer is learning to decompress before the stress gets the better of him. Image: Arny Mogensen, Unsplash Voicing it out Voicing out my feelings is something I'm still working on. This isn't about complaining or giving feedback, because there's plenty of that five days a week in the office. It's about expressing what's swirling around inside when I'm troubled by something. Perhaps, in this aspect, I am stoic. Nobody taught me to bury my emotions, keep silent and soldier on. It's just in my nature. So, during a casual conversation with my better half, I admitted, "I am anxious about the Motor Show, and I keep thinking about the work involved." Right after saying that, I immediately felt the weight being lifted off my shoulders and my mood improving. I began to relax. The relief was as welcome as it was amazing. Another realisation During my nine years at my previous company, I was still in the same role and doing mostly the same things, but the difference was the culture. My boss then, as kind-hearted as he is, is a perfectionist. He is also a man of few words. If you think that sounds toxic, I assure you that it isn't. People have their own ways of doing things. Not everyone can be as communicative as you expect. Some might even opine that I shouldn't expect anything more than my salary for doing my job. Anyway, I reflected on all this and realised that stress aside, I also had to deal - or not deal with - the unknown: Was I doing well or was I terrible? Or am I doing all right since I'm no longer being lectured? This uncertainty led to a lack of confidence. During the annual appraisal period would my boss tell me, "You know you won't remain a writer forever, right?" Without any words of encouragement or pats on the back it could have easily meant, "You won't be here much longer." So, I figured, keep quiet and keep working. Picturing the finish line is a great way to stay focussed on your goals. Image: Al Elmes, Unsplash Self-learning It was another colleague who opened my eyes when he told me that my boss actually has a lot of confidence in me. I asked him for proof. He highlighted that every month, on FTP Day, my editor tells me to "see it through" and leaves the office mid-afternoon. In magazine publishing, FTP or 'files to printer' date, is the deadline for submitting the last few outstanding files. Failure to do so means your issue's delivery date is delayed. Being tasked to see it through is a huge responsibility. And if there were any mistakes, my boss would have to answer for them. But back then, I was too busy, too stressed, and too immature to appreciate what it meant. That was over a decade ago and I'm only coming to terms with all this now. Is it age? Maybe it's also perspective, because looking back is when you see how far you've come. Anyway, the good news is that as these old feelings resurface, I learn something new from them. Voicing out my inner troubles doesn't mean complaining at every turn. It means acknowledging that something is bothering me and that I need to talk about it instead of bottling it up inside. I still do what's needed to get the job done. The difference is that today, when I feel tense or overwhelmed, I know to press the 'Pause' button, breathe, talk to someone and revisit my plan of attack. Main image: Drew Taylor, Unsplash