Straits Times - Devastated after being rejected by three schools for DSA: How to help your child cope

[Lala81]

  On 9/1/2024 at 6:22 PM, Ender said:

One of the reason why this year DSA is more competitive.

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/record-16000-primary-6-pupils-apply-for-direct-school-admission-exercise-in-2024

Record 16,000 Primary 6 pupils apply for Direct School Admission exercise in 2024

 

 

 

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Its a dragon year. Traditionally harder to get into schools. Harder to get jobs and everything. But the effect is weakening as the dragon year horde reduces. That batch of Dragon year had 35k Singaporean births. Which is about 2 to 3k more than the average. 

[Jman888]

hahaha... I know a family where the boy made it to sport school via DSA with his CCA, after spending 1 month in the boarding sch during the December holiday and when the school open for a week or two, he decided to quit, quickly reapply to a normal sec sch. 

 

[Jman888]

  On 9/1/2024 at 2:21 PM, Vid said:

It is parent's responsibility to understand failure is part of any application and prepare the child before it happens. Playing the erhu solely for trying to get into the school will eventually fall apart. The moment he didn't get in, immediately stopped playing. So you know where the passion lies. It is very much the parent's fault for putting the child in that path/situation.

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everything they do with a hidden agenda using the so-called "it is for the sake of" the children, this is where office politics started

 

[Heartlander]

As a 过来人, I can tell you this DSA scheme is a load of BS. Beside reasonable talents, alot depends on 关系 and preparation works. 

I can share abit to let you understand the situation. Success in getting DSA placement is not just apply and just wait for the interview. Those good primary schools would require the students to spend many hours preparing for it. My girl have had to go through many mock interviews with teachers to learn how to answer the tricky questions infront of all other candidates aka her classmates, doing it one by one and learning the mistakes. Not all can take the stress with a few cried openly during the process and some dropping out eventually. And the best part is because the art circle is small, the teacher-in-charge in the secondary school might happen to be related to the primary school so helping alot in securing the places. My girl attended private coaching lessons under the secondary school teacher for a year or two knowing the link, and think it helps in the process on top of her talent in the musical instrument. To be fair, the coaching fees were not expensive given the reputation within the art scene. And she learnt under 2 teachers for one period as we were not sure which school would be right for her. Her other DSA route was through basketball and she also manage to secure a placement with a JC near my house although she was really 半桶水 in this sport. But because she put in alot of efforts in supporting extra outside events under the teacher joining the league events, she was recommended and given the placement. That is why I say this DSA thingy is really a load of BS as it test more than talents. My girl eventually chose the school with through-train and lucky that she is now doing very well in both her CCA and academic study. I can safely say the DSA episode really taught her many things especially performing under undue stress.

[mersaylee]

  On 9/1/2024 at 11:49 PM, Jman888 said:

hahaha... I know a family where the boy made it to sport school via DSA with his CCA, after spending 1 month in the boarding sch during the December holiday and when the school open for a week or two, he decided to quit, quickly reapply to a normal sec sch. 

 

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Got 5BX issit? 😅

[Heartlander]

And if your kid(s) never got in through DSA, do not be despair as it might be a good thing after all. My girl shared with me before that some of her classmates entering through DSA really not doing well and a few even retained for a year as not able to cope academically. So better choose wisely if you intend to use this route, making sure that your kid is able to take the stress and study reasonably well.

[Wt_know]

  On 9/1/2024 at 12:37 PM, Kklee said:

IMHO.
If got talent, then apply - if not pawn own child.   Participate =/= talent. 

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in the eyes of every parent, their child is TOP TALENT ...

[Sosaria]

  On 9/1/2024 at 11:24 AM, noobcarbuyer said:

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/devastated-after-being-rejected-by-three-schools-for-dsa-how-to-help-your-child-cope

Devastated after being rejected by three schools for DSA: How to help your child cope

SINGAPORE – Ms K. Chong’s son was devastated when he was rejected by all three schools he had applied to in the 2023 Direct School Admission (DSA) exercise, especially after he had spent six years learning the erhu twice a week.

The boy, who was selected to join the school’s Chinese Orchestra co-curricular activity in Primary 1, initially cried about having to go for lessons, but eventually committed to them and took yearly exams.

Ms Chong, 45, a housewife, says she did not consider DSA seriously initially, but started doing so when her son was encouraged by his teachers to apply for it in upper primary.

The DSA exercise allows students to apply to a secondary school of their choice based on an area of talent, which could include sports, performing arts or a specific academic area, before taking the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE).

“I thought he was gifted in this area, so I put in effort for him. After spending money and time on lessons, I thought it was a sure thing to get into a school via DSA,” Ms Chong says.

To maximise his chances, she chose schools with different cut-off points: an affiliated school, a co-ed school and a neighbourhood school.

“We went for a wide range of schools so that one of them would accept him, no matter his results,” she says.

When the final rejection came in mid-September, Ms Chong kept it from her son so that his preparation for PSLE later in the month would not be affected, “but he more or less knew”.

“He was upset and did not want to talk about it, but I’m glad he eventually took it in his stride,” says Ms Chong, who adds that he has stopped playing the erhu.

She hopes schools can shed more light on the selection criteria.

“It’s not transparent enough. There is not enough information on the criteria. I would like to know how the selection was done,” she adds.

With a record number of applications from the 2024 Primary 6 cohort who were born in the Year of the Dragon, there may be a bumper crop of rejections this year.

Experts say that parents should first process their own disappointment before helping their child get over the rejection, because children are sensitive to their parents’ emotions.

National Institute of Education senior lecturer Kit Phey Ling, who is also a practising counselling psychologist, suggests that parents reflect on how they view the DSA exercise.

“If a parent views the DSA as a way for his or her child to get into the ideal school and that it is unacceptable for the child to get into other schools, then the child would tend to frame success in obtaining DSA entry as extremely important,” she says.

One way to deal with the situation is for parents to broaden the definition of success. They can, for instance, consider a range of schools and reframe the DSA as one of many pathways to help their child achieve his or her life goals.

Bukit Panjang Government High School (BPGH) principal Seet Tiat Hee says it is important that parents first consider schools that best meet their child’s talent area as well as academic abilities.

This is especially so as some children find it hard to cope after getting into a school.

One parent, whose daughter got into her preferred secondary school via DSA for violin, now regrets the move as the girl is struggling academically.

Madam L.H. Huang, a communications manager in her early 50s, says her 15-year-old daughter is stressed out by the pace of school and amount of homework.

“She is overwhelmed with trying to catch up with her studies, leaving her with little time to pursue what she’s really good at – music. Also, she does not quite enjoy her string ensemble CCA, as the pieces are not challenging enough,” she says.

Helping children cope with DSA rejections

Experts say parents should first acknowledge the child’s feelings.

Ms Vivyan Chee, Singapore Children’s Society’s deputy director and head of flourishing minds, a mental health service for children and youth, suggests that parents allow their child to express his or her disappointment without immediately trying to fix the situation.

“Parents can say things like, ‘I can see that you’re really disappointed and it’s okay to feel that way.’ This helps the child to feel understood and supported,” she says.

Parents can then gently guide their child to see the bigger picture, emphasising that this one setback does not define a person’s worth or future success, she adds.

It helps to have open conversations about the possibility of rejection, says Ms Chee.

“This helps children understand that rejection is a normal part of life and that it does not diminish their abilities or potential,” she says.

Preparing children for different outcomes can help them approach the process with a growth mindset, where the focus is on learning and development rather than just the result.

Ms June Yong, a family life specialist at Focus on the Family Singapore, says adopting a growth mindset is especially helpful in situations where the outcome is not guaranteed.

For instance, parents could remind their child that he or she can always try another path if this does not work out.

“This carries a sense of optimism and hope, while holding onto a healthy dose of reality, where rejection is always a possible outcome,” Ms Yong says.

Parents can also share their own stories of setbacks and how the experiences helped them become more resilient, she adds.

“If practised consistently, the child will come to view PSLE as an important exam that has some bearing on one’s opportunities for future learning, but does not impede on one’s identity and worth,” she says.

Regardless of the DSA outcome, parents should praise their child for the effort put in to develop his or her talent area, says Mr Chia Guo Hao, principal of Chung Cheng High School (Yishun).

“This helps them to understand that the hard work they put in is valuable,” he adds.

Strategies to help children bounce back to revise for PSLE

After getting a DSA rejection, let your child take a break. Allow him or her a few days to work through his or her emotions and disappointment, suggests Mr Zhou Shicai, founder of NickleBee Tutors which offers advanced maths programmes for upper primary pupils.

For his students who do not manage to secure a confirmed offer, he advises them to see the DSA rejection as an opportunity to improve.

He often shares the saying by Canadian-American inventor Alexander Graham Bell with his students: “When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

BPGH’s Mr Seet adds that parents can remind their children that they will still have another chance to enter the school of their choice by doing well for PSLE. 

Dr Kit says parents can discuss with their children what they have learnt from the DSA preparation and assessment process, and identify how these lessons can be used to help improve PSLE preparation.

Ms Chee says a useful way to help children regain focus on their revision is to remind them of their strengths and consider how far they have come in their academic journey.

She says parents should engage their children in non-academic activities to show them that “they matter outside of their studies”.

Creating a supportive home environment where the child feels encouraged and motivated can significantly boost their resilience and readiness for the PSLE, she adds.

What can parents say to their child?

Mr Zhou suggests telling your child this: “You may not be a right fit for this school at this point, but we have other options available to us.”

Another suggestion is: “Let’s focus on improving ourselves so that when the next opportunity comes along, we will be more than ready.”

He says this would help a child understand that there will always be situations beyond his control and it is more important to learn to respond to setbacks.

Dr Kit says parents can also use another phrase that can instil hope in the child: “You can still get into a good school if you prepare well and do well in the PSLE.”

Parents can also use the rejection as an opportunity to strengthen their relationship with their child, by showing their child that he or she is loved unconditionally.

Says Dr Kit: “The comfort that children derive from their parents at this time will allow them to recover from their disappointment and refocus on PSLE preparation more quickly.”
 

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/devastated-after-being-rejected-by-three-schools-for-dsa-how-to-help-your-child-cope

 

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Next thing to go will be the DSA, to spare some sensitive feelings.

Actually the boy isn't really interested in learning and playing the erhu. That's why he stopped when all his dsa applications based on this activity failed.

They should realize that when your heart is not in it, you will never be a talent, the selectors will know and hence rejection is more likely.

Edited September 2, 2024 by Sosaria

[Heartlander]

  On 9/2/2024 at 12:52 AM, yishunite said:

Didnt a coach or teacher recently get arrested for doing something like this?

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Really? Can share the link?

[Heartlander]

To be fair to my girl, she did put in alot of efforts and time to learn the musical instrument, just short of diploma level certification, meaning qualified to teach students earn money level of skills when only P6. Alas her interest is not there so she just do the minimal and get by for now which is still good to be the top few players in the prominent school. 

DSA aside, I would think this "struggle" or journey to put nicely with the musical instrument really help her alot in life to know how to focus under stress and perform. It is not a joke to perform the pieces infront of audiences, especially during musical exams. She is very zai right now when she faces any challenges and able to lead when called upon despite her shy demeanor. Really something good that come out of her "short" stint with the musical instrument.

[Si4dr]

  On 9/2/2024 at 1:16 AM, Sosaria said:

Next thing to go will be the DSA, to spare some sensitive feelings.

Actually the boy isn't really interested in learning and playing the erhu. That's why he stopped when all his dsa applications based on this activity failed.

They should realize that when your heart is not in it, you will never be a talent, the selectors will know and hence rejection is more likely.

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Yes, the interest on the kids to continue their chosen CCA are very important.

My daughter was asked to join sport school for her air rifle CCA in secondary school. Me & wife even meet up the sport school Air rifle PIC for the details on academic & financial.

My daughter end up reject it because she treat air rifle just like hobby & not really for career path......

 

[Jman888]

  On 9/2/2024 at 1:46 AM, Si4dr said:

Yes, the interest on the kids to continue their chosen CCA are very important.

My daughter was asked to join sport school for her air rifle CCA in secondary school. Me & wife even meet up the sport school Air rifle PIC for the details on academic & financial.

My daughter end up reject it because she treat air rifle just like hobby & not really for career path......

 

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aiya wasted, if not she could be the next one like her

[kobayashiGT]

  On 9/1/2024 at 12:02 PM, Lala81 said:

There are bound to be disappointed kids. I think overall application numbers are 3 times more than positions available. Surely more competitive for the IP schools.

The timing of the release is also just last week or in this week or so. And Listening Compre is already on 13th Sept, main papers starting on 26th.
So i don't see much benefit actually other than trying for the 40% of vacancies available via DSA.

 

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Same as for BTO. Not say you apply you will get.  

This is life lah. Can train someone's tenacity. 😆

[Heartlander]

  On 9/2/2024 at 2:17 AM, yishunite said:

https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/basketball-coach-bribes-top-schools-dsa-investigation-moe-4506236

Oh not arrested but under investigation

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This $40k to $50k is really expensive and very blatant to pull off. The situation with my girl not to this exstreme, just needing to put in alot of efforts and hours to do training and taking part in off-school league events of which she is a part of. Money wise only a few Ks involved. BUT the support group formed by the parents were really tough as they were really protective of the trainee slots and curry favour with the coach to the max.

[Throttle2]

  On 9/1/2024 at 11:34 PM, Lala81 said:

Its a dragon year. Traditionally harder to get into schools. Harder to get jobs and everything. But the effect is weakening as the dragon year horde reduces. That batch of Dragon year had 35k Singaporean births. Which is about 2 to 3k more than the average. 

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if your numbers are correct, then dragon year shit in terms of more competition in tertiary education and jobs is just a myth.

Reason being 2 to 3 k more births is less than 10%.  

Perhaps for early education, a tad harder to get into kindergartens or Primary Schools. but by the time these dragon babies progress into sec school poly JC Uni, I think it's reasonable to say that the 7-8% would already have joined the batch prior to or after them.  and by the time they look for a job, the Dragon year baby effect would have totally dissipated.

 

 

[Throttle2]

  On 9/2/2024 at 1:26 AM, Heartlander said:

To be fair to my girl, she did put in alot of efforts and time to learn the musical instrument, just short of diploma level certification, meaning qualified to teach students earn money level of skills when only P6. Alas her interest is not there so she just do the minimal and get by for now which is still good to be the top few players in the prominent school. 

DSA aside, I would think this "struggle" or journey to put nicely with the musical instrument really help her alot in life to know how to focus under stress and perform. It is not a joke to perform the pieces infront of audiences, especially during musical exams. She is very zai right now when she faces any challenges and able to lead when called upon despite her shy demeanor. Really something good that come out of her "short" stint with the musical instrument.

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well done, Good for her.  becos thats what we hope extracurricular activities be it sport of music can do to our children.  ie. improve, strengthen their character and add good values

[Throttle2]

  On 9/2/2024 at 2:42 AM, Heartlander said:

This $40k to $50k is really expensive and very blatant to pull off. The situation with my girl not to this exstreme, just needing to put in alot of efforts and hours to do training and taking part in off-school league events of which she is a part of. Money wise only a few Ks involved. BUT the support group formed by the parents were really tough as they were really protective of the trainee slots and curry favour with the coach to the max.

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This coach if found to have been scamming , cheating parents and schools definitely needs to be fined big big with all licences revoked plus a jail term at the bare minimum.

There could even be more people involved, so thats why the keep mum.   imagine, MOE's horrors if school teacher and pricipal had taken bribes for admitting student ....

WTknow would say " Jit Dong Chiang" liao

[Wt_know]

  On 9/2/2024 at 2:51 AM, Throttle2 said:

This coach if found to have been scamming , cheating parents and schools definitely needs to be fined big big with all licences revoked plus a jail term at the bare minimum.

There could even be more people involved, so thats why the keep mum.   imagine, MOE's horrors if school teacher and pricipal had taken bribes for admitting student ....

WTknow would say " Jit Dong Chiang" liao

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in spore we say, "low crime does not mean no crime" 

jit dong jeng !!!