Straits Times - Devastated after being rejected by three schools for DSA: How to help your child cope

[noobcarbuyer]

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/devastated-after-being-rejected-by-three-schools-for-dsa-how-to-help-your-child-cope

Devastated after being rejected by three schools for DSA: How to help your child cope

SINGAPORE – Ms K. Chong’s son was devastated when he was rejected by all three schools he had applied to in the 2023 Direct School Admission (DSA) exercise, especially after he had spent six years learning the erhu twice a week.

The boy, who was selected to join the school’s Chinese Orchestra co-curricular activity in Primary 1, initially cried about having to go for lessons, but eventually committed to them and took yearly exams.

Ms Chong, 45, a housewife, says she did not consider DSA seriously initially, but started doing so when her son was encouraged by his teachers to apply for it in upper primary.

The DSA exercise allows students to apply to a secondary school of their choice based on an area of talent, which could include sports, performing arts or a specific academic area, before taking the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE).

“I thought he was gifted in this area, so I put in effort for him. After spending money and time on lessons, I thought it was a sure thing to get into a school via DSA,” Ms Chong says.

To maximise his chances, she chose schools with different cut-off points: an affiliated school, a co-ed school and a neighbourhood school.

“We went for a wide range of schools so that one of them would accept him, no matter his results,” she says.

When the final rejection came in mid-September, Ms Chong kept it from her son so that his preparation for PSLE later in the month would not be affected, “but he more or less knew”.

“He was upset and did not want to talk about it, but I’m glad he eventually took it in his stride,” says Ms Chong, who adds that he has stopped playing the erhu.

She hopes schools can shed more light on the selection criteria.

“It’s not transparent enough. There is not enough information on the criteria. I would like to know how the selection was done,” she adds.

With a record number of applications from the 2024 Primary 6 cohort who were born in the Year of the Dragon, there may be a bumper crop of rejections this year.

Experts say that parents should first process their own disappointment before helping their child get over the rejection, because children are sensitive to their parents’ emotions.

National Institute of Education senior lecturer Kit Phey Ling, who is also a practising counselling psychologist, suggests that parents reflect on how they view the DSA exercise.

“If a parent views the DSA as a way for his or her child to get into the ideal school and that it is unacceptable for the child to get into other schools, then the child would tend to frame success in obtaining DSA entry as extremely important,” she says.

One way to deal with the situation is for parents to broaden the definition of success. They can, for instance, consider a range of schools and reframe the DSA as one of many pathways to help their child achieve his or her life goals.

Bukit Panjang Government High School (BPGH) principal Seet Tiat Hee says it is important that parents first consider schools that best meet their child’s talent area as well as academic abilities.

This is especially so as some children find it hard to cope after getting into a school.

One parent, whose daughter got into her preferred secondary school via DSA for violin, now regrets the move as the girl is struggling academically.

Madam L.H. Huang, a communications manager in her early 50s, says her 15-year-old daughter is stressed out by the pace of school and amount of homework.

“She is overwhelmed with trying to catch up with her studies, leaving her with little time to pursue what she’s really good at – music. Also, she does not quite enjoy her string ensemble CCA, as the pieces are not challenging enough,” she says.

Helping children cope with DSA rejections

Experts say parents should first acknowledge the child’s feelings.

Ms Vivyan Chee, Singapore Children’s Society’s deputy director and head of flourishing minds, a mental health service for children and youth, suggests that parents allow their child to express his or her disappointment without immediately trying to fix the situation.

“Parents can say things like, ‘I can see that you’re really disappointed and it’s okay to feel that way.’ This helps the child to feel understood and supported,” she says.

Parents can then gently guide their child to see the bigger picture, emphasising that this one setback does not define a person’s worth or future success, she adds.

It helps to have open conversations about the possibility of rejection, says Ms Chee.

“This helps children understand that rejection is a normal part of life and that it does not diminish their abilities or potential,” she says.

Preparing children for different outcomes can help them approach the process with a growth mindset, where the focus is on learning and development rather than just the result.

Ms June Yong, a family life specialist at Focus on the Family Singapore, says adopting a growth mindset is especially helpful in situations where the outcome is not guaranteed.

For instance, parents could remind their child that he or she can always try another path if this does not work out.

“This carries a sense of optimism and hope, while holding onto a healthy dose of reality, where rejection is always a possible outcome,” Ms Yong says.

Parents can also share their own stories of setbacks and how the experiences helped them become more resilient, she adds.

“If practised consistently, the child will come to view PSLE as an important exam that has some bearing on one’s opportunities for future learning, but does not impede on one’s identity and worth,” she says.

Regardless of the DSA outcome, parents should praise their child for the effort put in to develop his or her talent area, says Mr Chia Guo Hao, principal of Chung Cheng High School (Yishun).

“This helps them to understand that the hard work they put in is valuable,” he adds.

Strategies to help children bounce back to revise for PSLE

After getting a DSA rejection, let your child take a break. Allow him or her a few days to work through his or her emotions and disappointment, suggests Mr Zhou Shicai, founder of NickleBee Tutors which offers advanced maths programmes for upper primary pupils.

For his students who do not manage to secure a confirmed offer, he advises them to see the DSA rejection as an opportunity to improve.

He often shares the saying by Canadian-American inventor Alexander Graham Bell with his students: “When one door closes, another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.”

BPGH’s Mr Seet adds that parents can remind their children that they will still have another chance to enter the school of their choice by doing well for PSLE. 

Dr Kit says parents can discuss with their children what they have learnt from the DSA preparation and assessment process, and identify how these lessons can be used to help improve PSLE preparation.

Ms Chee says a useful way to help children regain focus on their revision is to remind them of their strengths and consider how far they have come in their academic journey.

She says parents should engage their children in non-academic activities to show them that “they matter outside of their studies”.

Creating a supportive home environment where the child feels encouraged and motivated can significantly boost their resilience and readiness for the PSLE, she adds.

What can parents say to their child?

Mr Zhou suggests telling your child this: “You may not be a right fit for this school at this point, but we have other options available to us.”

Another suggestion is: “Let’s focus on improving ourselves so that when the next opportunity comes along, we will be more than ready.”

He says this would help a child understand that there will always be situations beyond his control and it is more important to learn to respond to setbacks.

Dr Kit says parents can also use another phrase that can instil hope in the child: “You can still get into a good school if you prepare well and do well in the PSLE.”

Parents can also use the rejection as an opportunity to strengthen their relationship with their child, by showing their child that he or she is loved unconditionally.

Says Dr Kit: “The comfort that children derive from their parents at this time will allow them to recover from their disappointment and refocus on PSLE preparation more quickly.”
 

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/parenting-education/devastated-after-being-rejected-by-three-schools-for-dsa-how-to-help-your-child-cope

 

[Lala81]

There are bound to be disappointed kids. I think overall application numbers are 3 times more than positions available. Surely more competitive for the IP schools.

The timing of the release is also just last week or in this week or so. And Listening Compre is already on 13th Sept, main papers starting on 26th.
So i don't see much benefit actually other than trying for the 40% of vacancies available via DSA.

 

[Kklee]

IMHO.
If got talent, then apply - if not pawn own child.   Participate =/= talent. 

[Inlinefour]

no worry be happy

 

Haig boys and Tanjong Katong secondary can be PM too

 

LiangPoPo say one 

 

dun need RI lah cos raja said bad school illiterate 

[inlinesix]

On 9/1/2024 at 8:49 PM, Inlinefour said:

no worry be happy

 

Haig boys and Tanjong Katong secondary can be PM too

 

LiangPoPo say one 

 

dun need RI lah cos raja said bad school illiterate 

As long as you find the correct backer

[Soya]

Smlj DSA? Every skool is a good skool bah...

 

 

[Alfc]

Anyone knows how many SEA (not Olympic) games medal, outstanding sportsperson or musicians were born out of our DSA program from inception?

 

[Benarsenal]

On 9/1/2024 at 9:55 PM, Alfc said:

Anyone knows how many SEA (not Olympic) games medal, outstanding sportsperson or musicians were born out of our DSA program from inception?

 

Sports School I think most are DSA, so probably quite a lot.

[Vid]

It is parent's responsibility to understand failure is part of any application and prepare the child before it happens. Playing the erhu solely for trying to get into the school will eventually fall apart. The moment he didn't get in, immediately stopped playing. So you know where the passion lies. It is very much the parent's fault for putting the child in that path/situation.

Edited September 1 by Vid

[macrosszero]

#htfu

 

[Alfc]

On 9/1/2024 at 10:14 PM, Benarsenal said:

Sports School I think most are DSA, so probably quite a lot.

Only sports school? So none from those elite schools that people are trying so desparate to get into? 

[Throttle2]

So complicated. Why need DSA, cannot use PSLE results meh?   
 

(waiting for someone to take the bait) 

heeeheeeeheeee

[Inlinefour]

On 9/1/2024 at 8:54 PM, inlinesix said:

As long as you find the correct backer

today yellow ribbon event

my friend said in front of pinky to motivate younger generation 

harvard grad also go changi polish bar 

all school are good school most important right path 🫣🫣🫣

told him sekali pinky unhappy you go back polish again ☠️☠️☠️

Edited September 1 by Inlinefour

[Benarsenal]

On 9/1/2024 at 10:37 PM, Alfc said:

Only sports school? So none from those elite schools that people are trying so desparate to get into? 

Very hard to track lah. Every year so many thousands go through via DSA. You want to ask every single sportsperson or musician what school they come from meh.

[Lala81]

On 9/1/2024 at 10:37 PM, Alfc said:

Only sports school? So none from those elite schools that people are trying so desparate to get into? 

If you know how hard the kids train in Singapore which still has the major emphasis on grades. Likely all the major sports junior squads are DSA. 

At the very least they provide depth to the junior squads. 

On 9/1/2024 at 10:21 PM, Vid said:

It is parent's responsibility to understand failure is part of any application and prepare the child before it happens. Playing the erhu solely for trying to get into the school will eventually fall apart. The moment he didn't get in, immediately stopped playing. So you know where the passion lies. It is very much the parent's fault for putting the child in that path/situation.

I kinda disagree. Actually for kids, nothing wrong with just not continuing. You get disheartened. Just stop.

I don't really think it's a big deal. Just take the discipline gained from it and move into another area. 

Passion is overrated. I think giving things up if you just want to do so is underrated.

They may discover it again when they are older or never again. At least they know it's not for them. Even If it's due to parental pressure in the first place. 

If it's up to majority of primary school boy's passion or dreams, then unfortunately many of their dreams would be Minecraft or roblox streamer. Now would that be ideal? Lol. 

 

 

Edited September 1 by Lala81

[Alfc]

On 9/1/2024 at 11:38 PM, Benarsenal said:

Very hard to track lah. Every year so many thousands go through via DSA. You want to ask every single sportsperson or musician what school they come from meh.

There you go. I got my answer

[Benarsenal]

There are many paths to success. DSA doesn't mean you will end up being an elite in your field. It just means the school values your talent enough to want you. Whether you end up being successful in it later in life depends on many other factors also.

Edited September 1 by Benarsenal

[Ender]

One of the reason why this year DSA is more competitive.

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/record-16000-primary-6-pupils-apply-for-direct-school-admission-exercise-in-2024

Record 16,000 Primary 6 pupils apply for Direct School Admission exercise in 2024