ST CloseUp: Why some women choose to be child-free

[Windwaver]

Interesting article and I also notice this trend among people around me

https://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/why-some-women-choose-to-be-child-free

SINGAPORE - Madam Shirlene Noordin is 52 this year, and she still gets asked when she will have children. The communications director, who has been married for a decade, used to find such questions intrusive, but they now just make her chuckle.

When she was younger and answered that she preferred never to be a mother, friends and relatives often told her she would change her mind. Some even warned that she might regret her decision one day.

Now, past her childbearing years, neither has happened. She and her husband continue to live a fulfilling child-free life.

She is not alone. According to the latest population figures, there is a growing pool of married women in Singapore who do not have children.

In 2020, 13.5 per cent of married women in their 40s did not have children - up from 9.3 per cent in 2010. This follows a similar pattern across all age bands, including those in their 30s and 50s and older.

For some of these women, it is biology that has made the decision for them. But for the others, it is a choice driven by pragmatic, ideological or personal reasons.

Since society still links womanhood to motherhood, many of them face pressure to procreate, and are often labelled selfish or even unnatural for not wanting children.

It does not help that Singapore's total fertility rate has fallen to its lowest ever at 1.1 last year, after declining for the past decades.

While married women who are childless by choice are still the exception, rather than the norm, an ongoing government review on women's issues has sought to understand why some couples have not jumped on the parenthood bandwagon.

[Sosaria]

She married for a decade already, means when she was 42 that time. Past the usual child bearing age too. People who married late in life , I can understand why they forgo having children.

The thing about having children is that you can't plan for it. If you want to plan it down to a T, to find the right timing and fit it in with career ambitions, it will never happen and your conclusion will be not to have children.

For those that intend to have kids I always say just let it happen and deal with the changes and make adjustments as they come.

[Ender]

Howcome their NS can choose to not to do one?

[Albeniz]

We will grow old some day, and the day is coming closer for me.

I am hoping that I would remain healthy but in the event if I become a burden to my 2 children, I would opt to stay in an old folks home.  Voluntarily.

I told my 2 boys it is alright to send me to an old folks home but I just need them to drop by once every few weeks simply to ensure that the caregivers change my diapers so that I don't get any rashes and the staff don't mishandle or throw me onto my bed.  The same way as how papa (me) had stood up for you when you got bullied in primary school.  I called up your teacher, demanded an apology from  the bully and made sure you are not mistreated during your growing up years.

We have heard of horror stories that childless dementia patients in old folks home got the worst treatment/lowest priority from the staff as they know there are no next-of-kin to lodge the  complaints.  I am hoping my children could just do me this small favor by dropping by to ensure basic treatment is in place.

I have this feeling that I would leave this world earlier than my wife.  I couldn't imagine my wife waking up in the middle of a quiet, depressive night having to endure the loneliness, especially on a helpless rainy night.   I  am spending more time with the kids and I am hoping they could keep their old mother company when papa is no longer around.

They are mischievous at times, but I am  grateful that  they have been invited to this world.

Edited October 31, 2021 by Albeniz

[shrjun]

@Albeniz Thanks for that.

The thread is derailed but always remember to have an ACP  https://www.aic.sg/care-services/advance-care-planning 

https://www.aic.sg/care-services/all-about-acp

otherwise life turns into this never-ending nursing home > hospital > nursing home cycle for those who have no mental capacity in their old age - seems terrible to me at least.

Edited October 31, 2021 by shrjun

[Nolicense]

9 hours ago, Ender said:

Howcome their NS can choose to not to do one?

easier to import

[Nolicense]

8 hours ago, Albeniz said:

We will grow old some day, and the day is coming closer for me.

I am hoping that I would remain healthy but in the event if I become a burden to my 2 children, I would opt to stay in an old folks home.  Voluntarily.

i look at the cost of old age home for about 10 years. not including the cost of medical and hospital before i get there.

then i look at having fun, eating and drinking to an early grave. 

option 2 is still cheaper and more enjoyable way to go. die cock stand is the best.

[Hosaybo]

At old age... Better to go off earlier if quality of life is impacted....  when u have poor quality of life, it is simply hell. 

[Fitvip]

8 hours ago, Albeniz said:

We will grow old some day, and the day is coming closer for me.

I am hoping that I would remain healthy but in the event if I become a burden to my 2 children, I would opt to stay in an old folks home.  Voluntarily.

I told my 2 boys it is alright to send me to an old folks home but I just need them to drop by once every few weeks simply to ensure that the caregivers change my diapers so that I don't get any rashes and the staff don't mishandle or throw me onto my bed.  The same way as how papa (me) had stood up for you when you got bullied in primary school.  I called up your teacher, demanded an apology from  the bully and made sure you are not mistreated during your growing up years.

We have heard of horror stories that childless dementia patients in old folks home got the worst treatment/lowest priority from the staff as they know there are no next-of-kin to lodge the  complaints.  I am hoping my children could just do me this small favor by dropping by to ensure basic treatment is in place.

I have this feeling that I would leave this world earlier than my wife.  I couldn't imagine my wife waking up in the middle of a quiet, depressive night having to endure the loneliness, especially on a helpless rainy night.   I  am spending more time with the kids and I am hoping they could keep their old mother company when papa is no longer around.

They are mischievous at times, but I am  grateful that  they have been invited to this world.

We will be there sooner than we can imagine!

I remember the comment of one of my ex colleagues before we reached our retirement age. We were then casually talking about old people. He said: "Very soon, we'll be there"!

Now we are already there...and some have passed...

[Watwheels]

For Asian society ppl are less likely to adopt. But strangely during my parents gen you hear a lot of stories that ppl are actually adopted(illegally, as in no paperwork). Maybe gahment should make adoption easier for couples in their 40s. They are usually more financially stable, hopefully more mature as well. Not like the night owl horrid couple.

[Throttle2]

Why is this even a topic of discussion? 🤣😄

[Steptronic]

8 minutes ago, Watwheels said:

For Asian society ppl are less likely to adopt. But strangely during my parents gen you hear a lot of stories that ppl are actually adopted(illegally, as in no paperwork). Maybe gahment should make adoption easier for couples in their 40s. They are usually more financially stable, hopefully more mature as well. Not like the night owl horrid couple.

It is a very good suggestion. We can save children also. It is quite common in other countries, even in under-developed. We should embrace this.

[Jman888]

25 minutes ago, Hosaybo said:

At old age... Better to go off earlier if quality of life is impacted....  when u have poor quality of life, it is simply hell. 

now you know why many old folks hack care about covid restrictions

 

[Windwaver]

20 minutes ago, Throttle2 said:

Why is this even a topic of discussion? 🤣😄

Cos too many COVID discussions and the NOC one quite boring also

[Windwaver]

25 minutes ago, Fitvip said:

We will be there sooner than we can imagine!

I remember the comment of one of my ex colleagues before we reached our retirement age. We were then casually talking about old people. He said: "Very soon, we'll be there"!

Now we are already there...and some have passed...

That's very true my friend, time passes and we're all old in a flash.

I was just chatting with a friend 2 weeks ago on how bad it can get when we can no longer take care of ourselves when we're old enough. As his work is partly related to healthcare, he told me it's not a pleasant experience especially the last few years before death, in fact, it can be very horrible.

Basically, it's all suffering.

[Fitvip]

30 minutes ago, Windwaver said:

That's very true my friend, time passes and we're all old in a flash.

I was just chatting with a friend 2 weeks ago on how bad it can get when we can no longer take care of ourselves when we're old enough. As his work is partly related to healthcare, he told me it's not a pleasant experience especially the last few years before death, in fact, it can be very horrible.

Basically, it's all suffering.

We can just hope for a peaceful ending without suffering, though not all will be granted!

[Playtime]

1 hour ago, Hosaybo said:

At old age... Better to go off earlier if quality of life is impacted....  when u have poor quality of life, it is simply hell. 

But society is such that you must not be selfish and let you pet go when it's life it's just suffering. Must respect the pet.

But you must ignore your human loved ones request and make them drag on till they finish.  

[Volvobrick]

This is not newsworthy - more singles, more childless couples, birthrates that are too low to replace the departing seniors. All the east Asia countries have the same issues.