Lying ex-wife to be and custody

[AFV_V200]

My personal bias is that unless the mother is unfit with poor maternal instinct, 80-90% of the time, the child is better off with the mother even if the father is willing.

Men can be adequate and even capable nuturers of a child, but 90% of men are not even close to that. I don't consider myself good at nuturing also. We can set direction and even be nurturing at specific moments, but for 1-2 hrs a day vs 8-9 hrs a day is very different.

 

All the best to your fight. It's a tough situation.

Agree. 

 

I am more on taking caring of my boy with heart and brain. But she take care of the boy with only heart. I will not go into detail and just share only 1 incident. I caught her made milk many time without testing water temperature, and my baby was lucky that the water is not hot enough to burn his throat, but is bad enough to made him cry out loud.  

 

And what happen next? I got F*** for nothing as I just trying to tell her nicely to test water temperature before making milk.  

[Ash2017]

In my limited life span, I learnt love comes in many strange ways but all meant well.

 

Let me explain.

 

When you were a child, you must gotten upset and really made with your parents for the way they treated you. You thought they were mean and what they were doing were just trying to punish you unreasonably for something wrong you did which you considered was small. As you become parent yourself you realized they all meant well. It is just we fail to see to they meant well and hope we grow up to be a fine person.

 

In a husband and wife relationship, it is NOT about marrying the perfect person. It is about living with someone whom you accept for all their flaws. You ask yourself since you got married did you really change (change as in the way your wife wants you to change - I think difficult). You may do alot of things for your wife thinking that would make her happy BUT that is NOT what really makes her happy.

 

I cannot judge you but only can listen to you and hope to make things clear for you to sort out yourself. You are the one who have to live the consequences of your decision.

 

Ask yourself, did your ex-wife or potential ex-wife stuck with you when you were in trouble or when you were really down. Any of your best friend buddy stuck with you like your wife. If that is not enough for you to forgive her misgivings then nothing can. 

 

You said she is not keen for divorce but instead it is you. If you made up your mind then nothing is going to change your decision then move forward. It is always good to make decisions when one is calmer. That sometime off, go to a beach or somewhere quiet and reflect. If you have to cry, cry out, there is no shame. It only shows you are human with a heart.

 

As for your son, often in a divorce situation, the poor kid is treated like a commodity. From my humble experience, most kids brought up by a single parents are often not quite right. When he goes to school, when teacher or friends asked him, where is his mother or father, he feels "abnormal" and he may resort to lying to cover up his feelings.

 

I am not here to convince you change your mind BUT it is a very serious decision that affects everyone's lives that is not just affecting NOW but for a long long time to come.

 

There is alot anger in your writing and can understand. I cannot judge you because I may do the same. I want to leave you with this, everybody got their good and bad sides, why some people can be very good friends despite one of them is an axxhole, often it is because these individuals focus on the good side of the friend / partner. Its never too late for anything because we just got one live, make the best of it, leave beautiful footprints on everyone you touch. You will be a happier person.

 

You are the ONLY who knows what is really going on inside your head, you are the ONLY one who determines the yours and persons two other persons future and destiny. I can only wish for you, to have the wisdom to make the right decision and live well after.

 

 

1. Divorce full lawyer fee paid and waiting for court to approve the divorce. And that was all I had and next is custody and it will take me at least 3 years to save up the amount needed. I have huge housing loan and renovation loan to serving till 2023, before I can save up more. If I wait to save up more, my case will drag for at least 5-6 years. I will miss all my boy growing path. :(

 

2. I am not trying to get even, I only state facts in my statement to court but she began to fabricating false incidents. 

 

3. If I win the custody. All is good and I have purpose to live for my son, and I more willing to let her access the boy more than what the court will allow under supervision. The way she behave I know she will intoxicating my boy when he grow if she wins custody. I will intoxicate my son, I will tell him what happen when he grow up and let him decide. I believe action speaks louder than words.

 

4. Had a talk with her with a counselor. She told me she does not want to divorce but I told her no, my trust in her was completely destroyed. I do not want to live in fear for my boy and my safety. We all know what a father/mother can do to their kids in some headline news before. I do not want even test the water or it will be too late.

 

5. Suffering is not over yet and I will suffering at least another 2-3 years in this sticky situation as she said she will contest the divorce.

 

6. I want to do it the best of everyone. I just unable to handle a wife keeps on lying and framed me. On the other hand, I never fabricate anything and only facts. I still want to believe honesty is the way to go, although 1 lawyer I spoke with told me too honest will kill myself in court. I still want to stick to my honesty.

 

7. She moved out since Apr with my boy. Still no idea where she lives as the police said unable to reveal her address.

 

8. I only want to pay what my boy needs. I don't want to pay to a woman keep on lying but I know she will still get something. 

No cheating from her. Is just I have been suffering verbal and physical abuse from her. And I never pay a finger on her, let alone I don't even dare to confront her.

 

I did not pass the mean test for probono lawyer.

 

[Sx4falcon]

Frankly speaking, i doubt crowdfunding will works...coz this is a one sided story from your end. None of us knows ur wife or knows the whole story. And it is impossible to verify anything that is written here.

 

 

Ya, totally agreed.

 

Who is "AFV_V200" that is posting here?

Who is "Depressing Father" who started the crowd funding?

Who knows him? 

Any accountability?

[BanCoe]

Bro.... that's part of marriage.... give n take... mistakes happen... as more people go nuclear families way and to a certain extent grand parents are not around too (unlike the old days), both husband n wife can dominate nowadays as both feel they are equally independent and not dependent on each others.. both feel confident of themselves and independent.... call it disruptive tech if you even want, we see others faults...what about our own?? we seem impervious to it as we may be dominating and other side might be just keeping mum about it....

 

Just sharing my 2cents worth...... now the cute little bundle of joy is the whole world to you..I can feel for you mate.... wait till they turn 16 onwards....    

 

 

     

Agree. 

 

I am more on taking caring of my boy with heart and brain. But she take care of the boy with only heart. I will not go into detail and just share only 1 incident. I caught her made milk many time without testing water temperature, and my baby was lucky that the water is not hot enough to burn his throat, but is bad enough to made him cry out loud.  

 

And what happen next? I got F*** for nothing as I just trying to tell her nicely to test water temperature before making milk.  

 

[Neost]

Ya, totally agreed.

 

Who is "AFV_V200" that is posting here?

Who is "Depressing Father" who started the crowd funding?

Who knows him? 

Any accountability?

 

I have the same doubt as you...

 

放开，放下，向前走。

[Soya]

Ya, totally agreed.

 

Who is "AFV_V200" that is posting here?

Who is "Depressing Father" who started the crowd funding?

Who knows him?

Any accountability?

MCF turning into no head no tail emo forum lately...

[Beehive3783]

Since you say she is not cheating on you, then why divorce her? Did it ever occur to you that she might be suffering from depression or some other mental issue that is affecting her actions?

 

I don't want to comment more but it seems from just your words alone that you are not putting in enough effort to make the marriage work.

 

Violence and verbal abuse? Which married couple have not gone through it before? It's how you deal with it that makes the difference.

 

If you wanna divorce your wife just like that, would you be abandoning your son if he turns out to be a pain in the ass to you?

Edited August 14, 2019 by Beehive3783

[Xers007]

Firstly TS mentioned think of ending his life and he want to fight for custody of his child. Seriously i am scared even thinking how it will all end with him winning or losing the custody. And i am bloody sure single parenthood is never gonna be easy and its for a lifetime. 

[Kezg1]

...if TS wife is not cheating on him why don't get to mediation for better understanding or she is suffering from Silent Depression (post -natal) that no one see it. This is very dangerous, perhaps some of you have seen or heard about in the news,the lady that committed  suicide jumping down in Punggol some years back..she was suffering from what i said above.

Edited August 14, 2019 by Kezg1

[Jamesc]

When in a bad situation can feel very depressed and despondent.

 

But need to step back and see things from a better perspective.

 

After the big D no need to see the witch again right?

 

Have a thought for some of his who have it worse.

 

We have to see the old bat till the end of life. Hers or mine.

 

If anyone wants to send me a donation just pm me I will come round and pick it up personally.

 

[BenTong]

When in a bad situation can feel very depressed and despondent.

 

But need to step back and see things from a better perspective.

 

After the big D no need to see the witch again right?

 

Have a thought for some of his who have it worse.

 

We have to see the old bat till the end of life. Hers or mine.

 

If anyone wants to send me a donation just pm me I will come round and pick it up personally.

 

Pmed

[RogerNg_185295]

Wow....This is well written. You must have lots of life experience.

In my limited life span, I learnt love comes in many strange ways but all meant well.

 

Let me explain.

 

When you were a child, you must gotten upset and really made with your parents for the way they treated you. You thought they were mean and what they were doing were just trying to punish you unreasonably for something wrong you did which you considered was small. As you become parent yourself you realized they all meant well. It is just we fail to see to they meant well and hope we grow up to be a fine person.

 

In a husband and wife relationship, it is NOT about marrying the perfect person. It is about living with someone whom you accept for all their flaws. You ask yourself since you got married did you really change (change as in the way your wife wants you to change - I think difficult). You may do alot of things for your wife thinking that would make her happy BUT that is NOT what really makes her happy.

 

I cannot judge you but only can listen to you and hope to make things clear for you to sort out yourself. You are the one who have to live the consequences of your decision.

 

Ask yourself, did your ex-wife or potential ex-wife stuck with you when you were in trouble or when you were really down. Any of your best friend buddy stuck with you like your wife. If that is not enough for you to forgive her misgivings then nothing can. 

 

You said she is not keen for divorce but instead it is you. If you made up your mind then nothing is going to change your decision then move forward. It is always good to make decisions when one is calmer. That sometime off, go to a beach or somewhere quiet and reflect. If you have to cry, cry out, there is no shame. It only shows you are human with a heart.

 

As for your son, often in a divorce situation, the poor kid is treated like a commodity. From my humble experience, most kids brought up by a single parents are often not quite right. When he goes to school, when teacher or friends asked him, where is his mother or father, he feels "abnormal" and he may resort to lying to cover up his feelings.

 

I am not here to convince you change your mind BUT it is a very serious decision that affects everyone's lives that is not just affecting NOW but for a long long time to come.

 

There is alot anger in your writing and can understand. I cannot judge you because I may do the same. I want to leave you with this, everybody got their good and bad sides, why some people can be very good friends despite one of them is an axxhole, often it is because these individuals focus on the good side of the friend / partner. Its never too late for anything because we just got one live, make the best of it, leave beautiful footprints on everyone you touch. You will be a happier person.

 

You are the ONLY who knows what is really going on inside your head, you are the ONLY one who determines the yours and persons two other persons future and destiny. I can only wish for you, to have the wisdom to make the right decision and live well after.

 

I think we are just reading a one sided story from the man side. The wife story may be different. Therefore its hard to understand more.

Since you say she is not cheating on you, then why divorce her? Did it ever occur to you that she might be suffering from depression or some other mental issue that is affecting her actions?

 

I don't want to comment more but it seems from just your words alone that you are not putting in enough effort to make the marriage work.

 

Violence and verbal abuse? Which married couple have not gone through it before? It's how you deal with it that makes the difference.

 

If you wanna divorce your wife just like that, would you be abandoning your son if he turns out to be a pain in the ass to you?

 

[AFV_V200]

In my limited life span, I learnt love comes in many strange ways but all meant well.

 

Let me explain.

 

When you were a child, you must gotten upset and really made with your parents for the way they treated you. You thought they were mean and what they were doing were just trying to punish you unreasonably for something wrong you did which you considered was small. As you become parent yourself you realized they all meant well. It is just we fail to see to they meant well and hope we grow up to be a fine person.

 

In a husband and wife relationship, it is NOT about marrying the perfect person. It is about living with someone whom you accept for all their flaws. You ask yourself since you got married did you really change (change as in the way your wife wants you to change - I think difficult). You may do alot of things for your wife thinking that would make her happy BUT that is NOT what really makes her happy.

 

I cannot judge you but only can listen to you and hope to make things clear for you to sort out yourself. You are the one who have to live the consequences of your decision.

 

Ask yourself, did your ex-wife or potential ex-wife stuck with you when you were in trouble or when you were really down. Any of your best friend buddy stuck with you like your wife. If that is not enough for you to forgive her misgivings then nothing can. 

 

You said she is not keen for divorce but instead it is you. If you made up your mind then nothing is going to change your decision then move forward. It is always good to make decisions when one is calmer. That sometime off, go to a beach or somewhere quiet and reflect. If you have to cry, cry out, there is no shame. It only shows you are human with a heart.

 

As for your son, often in a divorce situation, the poor kid is treated like a commodity. From my humble experience, most kids brought up by a single parents are often not quite right. When he goes to school, when teacher or friends asked him, where is his mother or father, he feels "abnormal" and he may resort to lying to cover up his feelings.

 

I am not here to convince you change your mind BUT it is a very serious decision that affects everyone's lives that is not just affecting NOW but for a long long time to come.

 

There is alot anger in your writing and can understand. I cannot judge you because I may do the same. I want to leave you with this, everybody got their good and bad sides, why some people can be very good friends despite one of them is an axxhole, often it is because these individuals focus on the good side of the friend / partner. Its never too late for anything because we just got one live, make the best of it, leave beautiful footprints on everyone you touch. You will be a happier person.

 

You are the ONLY who knows what is really going on inside your head, you are the ONLY one who determines the yours and persons two other persons future and destiny. I can only wish for you, to have the wisdom to make the right decision and live well after.

Your reply touched my heart and I totally agree with you.

 

1. We know our parents meant good for us and we are in their shoe now and trying our best to bring up our kiddo the right and balance way. 
2. I knew about her flaws before marriage but I am willing to accept and pray for a change in her. I change slowly but her…. When I tried to talk to her about her issue, all she replied was “relationship is emotional’, “I can’t control when I am angry”. I choose not to talk when she in anger and I knew is not a solution and I am bearing the consequence now.
3. She threaten to divorce couple of time which I unable to share the details but is not big issue but small issue. I was dishearten.
4. I do not want my boy to suffer without either father or mother. I am sorry to him but I unable to live with her anymore as I don’t know when she will cut into my fresh when I sleep.
5. It is a path I can only walk alone and have to walk alone as even prayer to God garner no answer or direction. I even went to temple and Kuan Yin refuse to attend to me.
6. I am totally heart breaking when I knew my wife physically abuse my baby before. She done it to spite me since she can’t spite me anymore like turning my house upside down.
7. With some evidence presented to court, she began to twisted and turn the incident as if she is not at fault.
8. There was ugly scene at family center when I access my baby and I was lucky there are CCTV there to proof my innocent. I was heart breaking when she knew there are CCTV and still denied her wrong doing.

 

I am basically unable to handle such situation and ending my life was very real as she keep spite me and drove me up the wall whenever she lie in front of judge. The only thing that pull me back was my baby, because when I think of my baby safety. I stand up again, but I am still subject to her heavy bombardment of emotional abuse.  It affect my work and I need to talk to friend or relative to let it out or I will falls into deep depression.

 

[Beehive3783]

Of course it's one sided. And my conclusion is as such based on TS words here.

 

What would you think about a man asking for money from complete strangers to fund his divorce proceedings?

 

I think we are just reading a one sided story from the man side. The wife story may be different. Therefore its hard to understand more.

 

[AFV_V200]

Bro.... that's part of marriage.... give n take... mistakes happen... as more people go nuclear families way and to a certain extent grand parents are not around too (unlike the old days), both husband n wife can dominate nowadays as both feel they are equally independent and not dependent on each others.. both feel confident of themselves and independent.... call it disruptive tech if you even want, we see others faults...what about our own?? we seem impervious to it as we may be dominating and other side might be just keeping mum about it....

 

Just sharing my 2cents worth...... now the cute little bundle of joy is the whole world to you..I can feel for you mate.... wait till they turn 16 onwards....    

I am the one keeping mum and is not good but I unable to handle it as she refuse acknowledge she has an issue and refuse to go to counselling with me initially. Until a social worker was assigned by the MSF. 

 

Yes, my little one is my whole world now. I am still breathing, I can stop to breath (be alone and alone forever) when I lost custody while I still need to battle her emotional abuse. her emotional abuse already taking a toll on my health condition, is not good I am trying to deal with it. 

[Icedbs]

 

No cheating from her. Is just I have been suffering verbal and physical abuse from her. And I never pay a finger on her, let alone I don't even dare to confront her.

 

I did not pass the mean test for probono lawyer.

 

Physical abuse from her? 

 

I am not sure how serious is this, but if it causes you some injury, you can always apply for Personal Protection Order. That would put some evidence to your favour.

[Soya]

Physical abuse from her? 

 

I am not sure how serious is this, but if it causes you some injury, you can always apply for Personal Protection Order. That would put some evidence to your favour.

 

Or poh mata?

[AFV_V200]

Since you say she is not cheating on you, then why divorce her? Did it ever occur to you that she might be suffering from depression or some other mental issue that is affecting her actions?

 

I don't want to comment more but it seems from just your words alone that you are not putting in enough effort to make the marriage work.

 

Violence and verbal abuse? Which married couple have not gone through it before? It's how you deal with it that makes the difference.

 

If you wanna divorce your wife just like that, would you be abandoning your son if he turns out to be a pain in the ass to you?

I am not sure can you still living under same roof with your partner that took a knife at you and show you a stabbing gesture. I can't and I have to get out. 

I will fight the custody till high court if I have to. a sole custody win will be great, otherwise I have to walk out for the sake of my health. And i already branded selfish by couple close friend of mine. She will use my son to get attention from me which is very unfair to my boy to have to subject for I know what kind of abuse to my boy? Come at me but not my son. 

...if TS wife is not cheating on him why don't get to mediation for better understanding or she is suffering from Silent Depression (post -natal) that no one see it. This is very dangerous, perhaps some of you have seen or heard about in the news,the lady that committed  suicide jumping down in Punggol some years back..she was suffering from what i said above.

Tried and failed. 

 

And yes I am very worry if she lost the custody, she may take her own life and perhaps with my son together. She threaten to end her life before but I managed to pull her back. Her way of process words is scary and I am scare.  

Physical abuse from her? 

 

I am not sure how serious is this, but if it causes you some injury, you can always apply for Personal Protection Order. That would put some evidence to your favour.

Just completed the PPO, going to present whatever evidence I have to court. waiting for date.