Getting a foreign wife

[Lala81]

If loneliness is the main issue I dun think getting a foreign wife will solve anything. What's the odds of finding a soul mate from overseas. The freshness of getting a companion that is exotic will fade eventually and you have to consider real issues such as housing grants, funding their family back home, a spouse that may not be able to work or get only menial job offers, issues with in laws etc.       

 

Can't say whether suitable for TS cos I dunno anything about him except for his profession as a nurse.  

 

I'm not saying that the action (to get a foreign matchmaked bride) will solve the underlying cue (which is loneliness) for a person.

Well I don't think even the most optimistic men who do so, don't anticipate a myraid of problems that come along with getting a matchmaked wife. I'm sure everyone wants to marry a local girl if they could.

Edited October 25, 2017 by Lala81

[Staff69]

if lonely....then go bang bang , release go home.

 

 

if get companion then get someone you can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with.

 

 

if want to get a wife, better to date and understand each other.

 

 

buying a wife from matchmaking agency......high percentage of failure but there are happily ever after cases too

 

 

so depend on your luck  

[Wt_know]

this one even a local wife is hard to achieve ... lol

 

if get companion then get someone you can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with.

 

 

Edited October 25, 2017 by Wt_know

[Stratovarius]

this one even a local wife is hard to achieve ... lol

my wife go home, watch k drama and laugh like a mad woman...

[Jman888]

my wife go home, watch k drama and laugh like a mad woman...

isn't that good that something occupied her, always in good mood and not nagging at you?

if lonely....then go bang bang , release go home.

 

 

if get companion then get someone you can sit down and have an intelligent conversation with.

 

 

if want to get a wife, better to date and understand each other.

 

 

buying a wife from matchmaking agency......high percentage of failure but there are happily ever after cases too

 

 

so depend on your luck

Err....... once you have kids all that will be gone

[Vratenza]

what?!

 

Now I know where part of my tax $ disappear to......

 

OK, much depends on the salary of the man. I have seen those earning more than about 100 grand get it quite quickly for their wife.   

 

My relative who cannot hold down a job still managed to get his wife PR after the birth of the third child. The wife no qualifications.

Whatever it is, at least the children is considered local and gets subsidies etc

 

If not, imagine both wife and kids get no subsidy and the hubby not earning much..........    

 

[Ysc3]

Mebbe he nonlike chicken rice

[Sdf4786k]

Well

 

For starters be prepared to marry the whole village.

 

Do check first b4 anything else

 

Some may aldy b married w kids n all n may b looking for sugar daddy....

OMG.. its like pay one price for the buffet ?

 

At least dont have to host a week of wedding festivities.

[Karoon]

this one even a local wife is hard to achieve ... lol

Yes. Thats wat buddies down the pub/coffeshop/clubhouse are for, not wives.

[Wt_know]

Yes. Thats wat buddies down the pub/coffeshop/clubhouse are for, not wives.

that’s how Tiger and Kopi can maintain their steady stream of customers .. lol Edited October 25, 2017 by Wt_know

[Piyopico]

what?!

 

Now I know where part of my tax $ disappear to......

 

At least he is solving our national fertility issue............ better than paying those talk a lot type to spout mothership statements every time got problem.

 

Itz either a problem or not a problem.

 

[Mockngbrd]

[smash]

Hw many times u hear ppl specifically say "I want to find sgrean girl"

[DACH]

Now hv a bitta Time la

When it comes to this kind of threads, suddenly you become very active... 

Hainan Island have plenty ....

 

You like PRC

 

Communication also easy ..

 

http://en.people.cn/90882/8210585.html

[DACH]

Actually I was thinking about starting a new thread about long distance love relationships. 

 

Since this thread is created, then might as well...  

 

Long-distance love may be stronger than you think, new study says

https://www.today.com/health/long-distance-love-may-be-stronger-you-think-new-study-6C10660702

 

Long distance relationships never work, the colloquial wisdom goes. Or rather, they'll work for a while: You’ll trade a few texts, Skype a few times, maybe even visit once in a while. But the heartache of being apart and living separate lives will start to wear on you, and soon enough, things will fizzle out.

Not true, according to a small but growing number of social science studies. Long-distance relationships are, in many ways, stronger than relationships between couples who live together or close by, shows a new study published today in the Journal of Communication.

“While the public and the science community hold a pessimistic view towards long distance (LD), this research provides compelling support for the opposite side – long distance is not necessarily inferior to geographically close dating,” says Crystal Jiang, an assistant professor of communication at City University of Hong Kong.

Jiang's research found that people in long-distance relationships reported feeling emotionally closer to their partners than people in relationships with people who were literally -- geographically -- closer. Long-distance couples also reported sharing more with their partners, and feeling like their partners were really listening.

“You always hear people say ‘long-distance relationships suck’ or ‘long-distance relationships never work out,’” Jiang says. “Indeed, our culture, particularly American culture, emphasizes being together physically and frequent face-to-face contact for close relationships, but long-distance relationships clearly stand against all these values.”

It’s especially reassuring to hear this now, as so many couples today are living apart. Three million Americans live apart from their spouses (for reasons other than divorce or discordance), Jiang says. It's a trend that’s has spawned the term “commuter marriages” in recent headlines reflecting the new realities of tough economic times -- you've got to go where the job is, after all. And many college students, not surprisingly, live apart from their partners – up to 50 percent are in a long-distance relationship, according to one estimate in a 2005 report.

It gets harder to estimate how many non-married, non-college students are in long-distance relationships, but according to one estimate, 14 percent of dating relationships were long-distance, according to the Center for the Study of Long-Distance Relationships. (Yes, such a thing once existed; sadly, it has closed).

Last January, Nicole Kendrot, who’s now 26, moved back to her home town of Rochester, N.Y., and decided to give online dating a try. She soon met Richard Smith, who lived in Rochester, and the two started dating. But just two months into their relationship, Kendrot was offered a web designer job in New York City, 333 miles and a six-hour drive from Rochester, with the company she was freelancing for. She felt like she had to take the job, and moved in May of last year. Since then, she and Smith have been dating long distance.

“It hasn’t been as hard as I expected it to be,” says Smith. The couple talk at least once every day via Google Hangout, which means they get to see each other's faces every day, too. They sometimes use the Google service to just, literally, “hang out” – they tore through the first three seasons of “Arrested Development” on Netflix together that way.

In the new study, 63 heterosexual dating couples independently completed online surveys every day for one week. Their ages ranged from 18 to 34, but the average age was 20, and most were college students. About 80 percent of the couples considered their relationship committed or serious, and the average length of their relationships was 22 months. On average, the long-distance couples had been separated for about 17 months.

Researchers asked them to track their interactions with their partners: how often they communicated, how long they talked and what they used to do it – phone calls, video chats, instant messages, email, texting or seeing each other face-to-face.

The couples in long-distance relationships reported interacting with each other a little less often every day than the couples who lived close by. But the separated couples reported “experiencing greater intimacy” – or, feeling closer to their partners, as intimacy is defined here – than the couples who were geographically closer.

That’s definitely been the case for Smith and Kendrot.

“Not only does it force you to keep in touch, it forces you to make an effort to do that,” Smith says. In other words, if you’re dating someone nearby, it gets easy to take the relationship for granted, and to maybe not put in as much work as you should, he says. “But if you’re in a long-distance relationship for a year, it’s pretty certain you really like that person,” he continues. “If you don’t put in a good amount of effort, you just stop talking to each other.”

Kendrot agrees. “Every day, you make that choice to be in it,” says Kendrot, who next week will be moving back to Rochester to be with Smith full time. (She was able to work things out with her job so she can work remotely.) “It’s not the hardest thing in the world, but it’s definitely not an easy situation.”

The study also found that people in long-distance relationships reported being more open with their partners, and that their partners were in return more open with them, something that sounds right to Ally Cuneo, 20, whose husband, Michael, 21, was deployed in May.

“You have to have more trust in each other with distance,” says Cuneo, who lives in Kailua, Hawaii. She and her husband, who's a Marine, have been married for nearly two years, during which he’s been deployed twice. “We’re completely open and honest with each other. There’s nothing we hide, there are no secrets," she says.

But the reason you see your faraway lady- or gentleman-lover in such a rosy light may be preciselybecause he or she is far away, points out Dr. Gail Saltz, a New York City psychiatrist and frequent TODAY contributor. This new study, and others before it, have shown that long distance partners tend to idealize each other, or see them in unrealistically positive terms.

“It’s easier to hold on to this idealized view of the other person when you’re not with them all the time,” Saltz says. That idealization can make the reunion difficult, once the honeymoon vibes have worn off. Cuneo says last time her husband returned after a long deployment, she had to remind herself, "He's been gone for eight months; he's not going to remember I like the dishwasher loaded a certain way."

But it's a generally positive takeaway message here for couples in long-distance relationships. It's so hard to be away from each other, but your relationship really can take it, Jiang says. (In fact, past research has shown that long-distance couples are no more likely to break up than geographically close couples.)

“If being geographically apart is inevitable, people should not despair,” Jiang says. Long-distance relationships “are not doomed to fail,” she says, at least not more easily than relationships between two people who live close by. “I think such findings give people confidence given long-distance romance is much more common nowadays,” she says.

 

10 Ways to Make a Long-Distance Love Relationship Work

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-refracted/201612/10-ways-make-long-distance-love-relationship-work

 

As I discussed in my last post, developing a long-distance romantic relationship brings both challenges and opportunities. In my own transatlantic romance, which began 20 years ago and has seen 16 years of married joy, I initially worried that I was doing it all wrong, continuing to do it all wrong, and incapable of doing it right.

A book offering guidance to single women,The Rules, was published shortly after David and I began our love affair. Constitutionally incapable of manipulating or lying, I wondered if my precious new relationship was in danger of imminent collapse due to insufficient drama and mystery. Luckily, the straightforward route that we took led to firm foundations, sanity, and safety.

Based on my experience, here are 10 tips for making a long-distance relationship work.

1. Appreciate that your individual reactions differ.

Any two people have different levels of comfort with emotional and geographical closeness—and distance. Observe what experiences amplify or dilute those feelings for each of you, and how you respond to varying thresholds and triggers. Even more useful, learn to appreciate the ways in which your respective coping styles are different. One person may want to deny and distract, pretending that the limitations imposed by distance are illusory or at least easily transcended through phone or electronic contact. The other may need to analyze, label, and discuss the thoughts and feelings associated with separation and reconnection.

2. Distinguish among different kinds of closeness—mental, emotional, cultural,spiritual, as well as physical—and explore ways to increase each of them.

While physical contact may be the cement of the relationship, it is simply not available when you are apart. Try sharing a book or movie or solving a puzzle together (mental), reacting to the events of your days or those coming up in the future (emotional), discussing current events in your respective locations (cultural), or sharing the seemingly strange synchronistic things that happen to each of you during the course of a the time when you are apart, permitting opportunities for gratitude, generosity, and making the world a better place (spiritual).

3. Recognize and then tune into moments during separations that bring positive emotions—a welcome surprise, a feeling of delight, a warm smile, the tingle of excitement, or the release of laughter.

Keep ways to foster these moments on your radar, imagining your lover’s reactions when you share them through phone or electronic means. Trust the impact of an unexpected pleasure arriving by snail mail and use it to contact each other from time to time. Affixing an interesting stamp can add to the pleasure.

4. Appreciate the benefits of different time zones.

They can strengthen the positive aspects of anticipation and can bring reassurance that one can indeed delay gratification. Thus the difference in time zones can help you develop patience and perspective, limit impulsivity and an unnecessary sense of urgency, and thus fortify reflection and foster deliberate choices.

5. Trusting each other during separations becomes critical. 

Agreements about what behaviors are and are not OK when personal contact is not possible for extended periods need to be worked out. And those agreements need to be honored, with concerns about them ironed out as each agreement becomes explicit. Each of you must be aware that violating an agreement has consequences for the integrity of the relationship, and that violations require repairs.

6. Rituals can help in disconnecting and reconnecting. 

Pretending that leaving one another is easy (or hard) injects a note of dishonesty into the relationship—and the foundation of trust built on honesty is particularly important in long-distance romantic relationships. Simple—but meaningful—ways of saying “goodbye” and “hello again” can help ease the transition between together and separate time. Rituals can comfort. Even my dog, Luke, understood that as soon as he saw my husband, David, again, a long walk on the beach was on the near horizon. (Luke also understood that luggage meant David was leaving. With each departure Luke became more and more depressed.)

7. Recognize crises and the fact that they call for a different style of response. 

At the same time, be wary of cries of “wolf.” Ideally, a need to feel closer can be acknowledged in words and talked about, rather than acted out through creation of an urgency that does not really exist. While a “calamity” may require an appropriate emergency response, those events that can be addressed more leisurely, reflectively, should be dealt with calmly and creatively. In other words, do not manipulate; speak up instead.

8. Create a “couple” identity.

Because both partners are embedded in different cultures, the third identity—that of the couple—becomes essential both internally, as psychic space is created to acknowledge that the couple itself needs some domains of priority, and externally, to help friends and family accept the expansion of their loved one’s world. Lovers need to develop interests and activities that can nourish the relationship as well as each other, both when they are together and when they are apart. This requires time, experimentation, and clocking time together doing them. Initially, the young “we” can feel like a greedy monster, eager to suck any bit of history or childhood pleasure into its orb. Gradually, however, people sort out what feeds the relationship going forward, fostering the development and pursuit of shared dreams and helping meet the needs of the couple. Only with a common identity can the couple, together, ask what is best for the relationship rather than tussle about what might be preferred by one or the other.

As joint passions emerge, they can be shared by reading the same books, watching the same movie in a similar timeframe, sharing stories of local celebrations that you would have attended together if you could have, or discussing news about friends who are now common to you both. Exchanging smiles through humor or familiar music, learning more about a partner’s interest that had become your own, and honoring the intimacy of daily events can all help create a shared identity. 

9. Appreciate differences in cultural contexts.

Where people live, where they spend much of their time, and the people, places and activities that fill their lives are meaningful and important. The surroundings in which we are embedded create unconscious forces that define everything from “acceptable” to “forbidden,” “success” to “failure,” “always” to “never.” The nudges created by these invisible forces can be as simple as an enhanced acceptance of sexuality in a culture that features provocative lingerie ads in bus stops to a restriction on expressing physical affection in an airport that has laws against it. Be mindful of cultural differences and respectful of them.

10. Appreciate the unreliability of communication across distance.

Check and recheck the meaning of words to the other when you need to rely exclusively on words. Messages that are quickly typed, texted, left on an answering machine, or even carefully handwritten, still contain only words. Making assumptions about meaning can be dangerous, especially when a new partner assumes that he or she understands what the other intends. That expectation can miss the mark by miles. Until each member of the couple is certain that he or she is reliably understood, pause and remind yourself that you don’t necessarily understand and then check, check, and recheck. Asking, even more than once, is safer than assuming and getting it wrong.

For me, the blessings of the long-distance years far outweighed their annoyances. Because we were inevitably immersed in the current moment when we were together, the time apart allowed us to reflect upon who we were, both separately and as a couple, how we were, where we seemed to be headed, and where we might want to go.  

The time apart forced us to fine-tune our patience and gratitude muscles and to look at ourselves and at each other, not only as we were in each other’s eyes, but as we appeared in our own. Best of all, it reminded us that the reason we were together was because we loved being with each other. The content of the time we spent together might evolve, definitions of “play” changing along with our capabilities, preferences and resources, but our commitment to bringing as much joy as possible to each other has sustained us through the years. 

Compassion, concrete help,understanding, appreciation, and the pleasures of learning and doing together have watered and fertilized our fledging seeds and now sustain us. We rarely miss an opportunity to watch a sunset, enjoy Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, savor whatever either of us has come up with for dinner, smile at a grandchild’s discovery (or one of our own), or touch each other in reassuring ways. Without the distance, our romance might have imploded with its own intensity, consumed in flames like the final scene in Like Water for Chocolate. The external regulation imposed by living an ocean apart helped us lay firm foundations, enabling us to discover each other along with ways to love and be loved. 

Wishing you bon voyage.

Edited October 25, 2017 by DACH

[Kusje]

Long distance still not bad. Most of the time it isn't distance that kills but the time difference...

 

Speaking from experience of course

[Mcf777]

Vietnamese girl prettier. But they talk damn loud.

Always saw a group of 4-5 Viet girls at my house kopitiam yank yank yank loudly. All married to Singaporeans.

 

If Thai, ensure it is real girl

[Stratovarius]

isn't that good that something occupied her, always in good mood and not nagging at you?

Err....... once you have kids all that will be gone

No leh. She will compare me to the actor in the show... Sigh.

 

But back to the topic, its hard to say of the marriage will be happy with a foreign bride. Too many things to consider and love is strange. But love and marriage are quite different. Many couples can be together for a long time but cant stay married together. Expectation has to be managed and better to "see open". What i see is that with foreign brides, things will be more challenging. Those from village may not get used to city life.

[Piyopico]

Long distance still not bad. Most of the time it isn't distance that kills but the time difference...

 

Speaking from experience of course