Should men be the sole $$ contributor despite both working?

[Icebrush79]

Isn't this similar to spouses who buy goods and then hide those goods in the office and discreetly bring them home item by item so that their spouse does not notice?

 

It isn't an issue of trust but rather control and resentment of control. Stems from the belief that all income earned is now "ours" (you can interpret ours in a myriad of ways).

 

Ugly divorce events do not necessarily justify the rationale for "secret" accounts. If both spouses practice "secret" accounts, then I am of the view that the marriage is simply an arrangement to increase the lifestyle expenditure levels and increase one's balance sheet through current transfers.

 

I don't know about you but if I have to be Machiavellian to my spouse and kids, then I'm far better off putting those skills to use at work and in politics as a single person.

My question to you then is, do you believe in and practice total transparency with your spouse ?

 

If the answer is no, then it is differing degrees of transparency that will lead to certain actions

[Mockngbrd]

How come the fat friend is usually the annoying friend?

 

.

Hahaha always!!!!!!!!!

[G1234]

I think the notion of secret fund is not that you don't trust your partner, rather it is a convenient pool that you can utilize at your will without accountability.

 

Many have these funds and they don't tell their spouse. Like I mentioned earlier, money may not be everything , but without it, your life can't function at all.

 

I've seen cases where the wife cheats on the husband and swipe out all their assets before asking for a divorce. End up, the whole house belongs to her as she gave up rights to ask for maintainence - house was paid entirely by husband.

 

Hubby ended up with the kid, totally penniless and struggling to upkeep both's survivalibility.

 

Sometimes it's not what we dun wanna trust, by human can be ugly and I don't see how having that insurance would be a big issue.

 

Then of course it boils back to how you suss out your spouse to be's character la. Leading back- it is important to manage expectations before marriage

Edited November 30, 2016 by G1234

[Icebrush79]

if you married someone and has to calculate who pays what, then this marriage already has a poor start.

 

marriage is about 2 persons coming together to build a family.

Again, it's not about calculating who pays what. Like you rightly pointed out, a marriage is a partnership to build a family ...

 

And this family needs to be built not only by love and sunshine but practical aspects which needs financing.

 

So since both works and both play equal share in other aspects, Is it being calculative to want both parties to contribute financially - again- not split down to equal contribution but at least, both contributes

haha. Maybe I am biased, but the divorce story for women is like this, woman has custody of all kids, then struggle to juggle work-family-parenthood until kids big. Retire with 10 cats : )) . The man would get a new gf as soon as he could, then marry and have kids (again) like nothing has happened. haha.

 

Your story also does not make sense. If the woman didn't get custody of kids, there is no way she could have the house all for herself. Either she had to pay back the husband for what he contributed, or by percentage decided by judge that reflect her contribution. You sure underestimate legal system here huh. hahaha. Unless the man gives it to her then it is not exactly her fault. Read more here:

http://www.singapore-divorcelawyer.com/general/asset-split/

 

 

Start as fund, but loan some parts of it to relatives.

Sorry I forgot to mention, she got the custody but she neglects the child so the kid ends up back with ex hubby most of the time Edited November 30, 2016 by Icebrush79

[Mason016]

My question to you then is, do you believe in and practice total transparency with your spouse ?

 

If the answer is no, then it is differing degrees of transparency that will lead to certain actions

 

My wife is well aware how much I make, how much I put aside for emergencies (i.e. medical, death, retrenchment etc.).  We do not have joint accounts. 

 

We do discuss when we buy big ticket items (e.g. car, B&W 803s).  We do keep each other in the loop of the things we buy but there is no permission seeking.  We are both rationale people that will think about our purchases as measured by its value.  She doesn't bat an eyelid when I buy my Lobb's nor do I when she buys some bag or dress etc.

[Jamesc]

How come its always sex sex sex?

 

The man must do this way, the woman must do that way.

 

Why can people just do what they want?

 

If the man wanted to stay at home and the woman wanted to go out and work

 

and they are both happy then so be it.

 

Why must ignorant people say the man must do this way, the woman must do that way.

 

Do whatever both agree and make them happy.

 

Please no old fashion stereo typing role of man on top.

 

These days it can be man on top, woman on top, man under 2 women,

 

2 women over a man, 1 man and 1 woman over another woman, whatever

 

makes people happy.

 

[Enye]

$$ who contribute never mind

 

but tadpoles better be sole contribution from 1 man

 

 

[Lala81]

$$ who contribute never mind

 

but tadpoles better be sole contribution from 1 man

 

 

 

LOL

[Hydrocarbon]

But if don't trust anyone, best is not to get involved, honestly. Like what I told some guys before, if you love your money so much then best is just to sleep, eat and xxx with it. Do not drag others into it. Not gonna end well. 

 

It's best if you can find someone you trust 100% with everything. But trust takes time to build.

 

Anyway, what I'm sharing is my point of view as a strawberry generation unmarried male. It might change as I grow older and more mature. It might not.

 

Keke....happy that u r enjoying life

 

Just mins ago was on fb, reading nuswhispers then people say tinder is for hook ups de

[Pinobii]

It's best if you can find someone you trust 100% with everything. But trust takes time to build.

 

Anyway, what I'm sharing is my point of view as a strawberry generation unmarried male. It might change as I grow older and more mature. It might not.

 

 

Haha... Enjoy life.. It's a must. It's what we're saddled with for the longest time. Until death, hahaha...

 

Anyway, Tinder was initially a hookup app, but other apps are better than Tinder for hookups leh... Why? Wanna join me?

 

 

This, @g1234...

Err....nay....doggie is happie eat sleep play, could be better if got lotsa $

[Tedlhw]

Isn't this similar to spouses who buy goods and then hide those goods in the office and discreetly bring them home item by item so that their spouse does not notice? 

 

It isn't an issue of trust but rather control and resentment of control.  Stems from the belief that all income earned is now "ours" (you can interpret ours in a myriad of ways).   

 

Ugly divorce events do not necessarily justify the rationale for "secret" accounts.   If both spouses practice "secret" accounts, then I am of the view that the marriage is simply an arrangement to increase the lifestyle expenditure levels and increase one's balance sheet through current transfers. 

 

I don't know about you but if I have to be Machiavellian to my spouse and kids, then I'm far better off putting those skills to use at work and in politics as a single person. 

 I agree that it is about control..

I hate having to justify everything that i spend on. I mean why should i explain why i need to have that watch?

I worked hard for that money, i think I'm entitled to enjoy it without having to justify it. 

Dont understand your point on balance sheet, but i hardly term that as machiavellian.  

[A_korusawa]

I was quite sad reading this thread . . . .

please allow me to cite one real example:

A fren, with acclaimed academic excellence & noted as highflyers, met his wife who was a scholar, intelligence, well-to-do background.

Many thought he was eyeing for quick leap in both career & desired livelihood.

None knew his wife’s days were numbered with leukaemia……. My fren stayed by her side and battled 12yrs, with both career and life!

He’s single now catching his days with sports that he missed.... and started taking overseas assignments these days.
he had never regretted and he told me: what sacrifices?

most importantly, he knew his late wife’s condition since courtship days!

[Chongster]

when i marry my wife, i put our investment property and other passive income in my wife's name, and put a lump sum (my entire saving up to then) with her in her sole name.  never talked about money and never give her a single cent since.... 

[G1234]

I was quite sad reading this thread . . . .

please allow me to cite one real example:

A fren, with acclaimed academic excellence & noted as highflyers, met his wife who was a scholar, intelligence, well-to-do background.

Many thought he was eyeing for quick leap in both career & desired livelihood.

None knew his wife’s days were numbered with leukaemia……. My fren stayed by her side and battled 12yrs, with both career and life!

He’s single now catching his days with sports that he missed.... and started taking overseas assignments these days.

he had never regretted and he told me: what sacrifices?

most importantly, he knew his late wife’s condition since courtship days!

 

what a rare gem nowadays. Hope your friend find happiness again.

[Icebrush79]

I was quite sad reading this thread . . . .

please allow me to cite one real example:

A fren, with acclaimed academic excellence & noted as highflyers, met his wife who was a scholar, intelligence, well-to-do background.

Many thought he was eyeing for quick leap in both career & desired livelihood.

None knew his wife’s days were numbered with leukaemia……. My fren stayed by her side and battled 12yrs, with both career and life!

He’s single now catching his days with sports that he missed.... and started taking overseas assignments these days.

he had never regretted and he told me: what sacrifices?

most importantly, he knew his late wife’s condition since courtship days!

 

Salute your friend. This is a case of genuine love that knows no boundaries.

[Mustank]

I was quite sad reading this thread . . . .

please allow me to cite one real example:

A fren, with acclaimed academic excellence & noted as highflyers, met his wife who was a scholar, intelligence, well-to-do background.

Many thought he was eyeing for quick leap in both career & desired livelihood.

None knew his wifeâs days were numbered with leukaemiaâ¦â¦. My fren stayed by her side and battled 12yrs, with both career and life!

Heâs single now catching his days with sports that he missed.... and started taking overseas assignments these days.

he had never regretted and he told me: what sacrifices?

most importantly, he knew his late wifeâs condition since courtship days!

I think you are this friend

[A_korusawa]

I think you are this friend

me? nope.... thanks very much but no thanks.

honestly, I am not even sure if I could be like him . . . . that's unconditional love!

 

what I learnt from my fren is . . . .

if there's even a slightest thought of unhappiness resulted from calculating who should or not be contributing more or less, then this couple will be undergoing tremendous challenges in upkeeping the marriage.