Should men be the sole $$ contributor despite both working?

[Mason016]

Thanks. I am always positive.

 

Just had a talk with my wife. She say will try to clear her CC debts by Mar next year when her contract job is due.

 

That's wonderful news! 

[Chowyunfatt]

 

I don't think its being calculative or not. Sure, some may view this as being calculative. 

But practically speaking, this is an issue that nobody loves to talk about before marriage and it comes back and haunt the couple of it is not ironed out in the first place.

 

Some women have the notion of, what you earn is ours, what I earn is mine. My question then is, why do you need to safekeep so much money for?

The whole basis of marriage is that the union is your blanket of security, not the basket of funds you keep for yourself only.

If there is no percieved security in your husband, then don't marry him, simple !

 

Of course, many guys spoil market by having affairs, but I can tell you, women are fast catching up playing this game. 

 

If what I earn is not mine anymore and I have to grovel to wifey just to buy a new set of sports rims, then there is no meaning being married anymore.  

 

 

 

An Old Fashion Chinese Business Man once told me ... 

 

A Wife, should always be the one to look after the Family and Home ... By doing this, the Husband will not have to worry about anything back home and as such, he will be able to fully concentrate on his work and provide for his family.

 

In return, the Wife should have a name in the Family Finances and should never have to worry about money. This will give her a peace of mind and security.

 

Respect begets respect ...

 

No need to define ... No need to calculate ... 

 

Disclaimer ... Not I say one ... 

Edited November 29, 2016 by Chowyunfatt

[Jman888]

An Old Fashion Chinese Business Man once told me ... 

 

A Wife, should always be the one to look after the Family and Home ... By doing this, the Husband will not have to worry about anything back home and as such, he will be able to fully concentrate on his work and provide for his family.

 

In return, the Wife should have a name in the Family Finances and should never have to worry about money. This will give her a peace of mind and security.

 

Respect begets respect ...

 

No need to define ... No need to calculate ... 

 

Disclaimer ... Not I say one ... 

 

 

your philosophy from the 50s outdated liao    

[Icebrush79]

I have to say that my relationship with my wife is a lot more traditional in terms of financials even though she is working and taking home around the same amount as me (she used to make more than me in past years).

 

As the husband, I control all the monetary decisions in the household but I leave the purse with her. We have a joint account where we contribute almost all our salary (more on that later) and we both have IB access to the account (I've actually forgotten my password since she is the one that usually logs on). I control the household expenditure as well as my wife's personal expenditure and any purchase above 50$ has to be approved by me. Some might term it abuse (my relatives have said so) but my wife is fine with it and I've actually set this rule down for her benefit. Prior to getting together and getting married, she would often splurge on useless things like spa treatments and 150$ meals. Mind you, that was at a time when we were making below 4k each so I never count understand how she managed to spend 3k plus on a spa package which she has still not fully utilized 4 years down.

 

I set down all these rules prior to us getting married and I think it is important that both parties are clear and convinced on how the finances will be handled post marriage. This should be done at least 6 months before the decision to get married. Obviously, this still doesn't preclude one party from changing their minds after marriage.

 

Going back to our joint account.... We use it for household items like mortgage, utilities, groceries, child expenses, joint meals and it has so far been under control (our family also consists of her mother and our 1 year old) . Jointly, we spend less than 1k a month on the above. Personal expenditures like transport and daily meals are on our own accounts. Our household income is not high compared to most of the folks here - still can buy HDB hor (less than 10k take home?) but we spend well within our means. Out of the take home, I would gather that we save at least 70% per month but this will surely decrease as my daughter gets older.

 

It hasn't been easy getting to this stage which I am happy with. When I met my wife, she too had some very useless friends. In fact, her best friend (which I've since exorcised from our lives) was a materialistic bitch who liked to create trouble between us. I don't usually go out with my wife when she meets her friends but it wasn't too soon when I realized that she would be more argumentative and demanding after meeting her friend. It took quite a far bit of effort and there was even some drama where her "friend" gave an ultimatum of choosing if she wanted to marry me or continue to be friends. We all know who "won".

 

Anyway, gotta go back to work!

 

I would say you're pretty lucky. Your wife places control with you and that alone saves alot of unnecessary disagreements. 

 

By right, I wont consider that yours is a traditional arrangement; cuz a true blue traditional arrangement is where the man pays for everything and the woman (most likley not working just like in the 70s and 80s) will bear all household responsibilities.

Such arrangements still exist of course.

 

Toxic friends are real pain in the ass if you ask me. Many times, they try to impress their own arrangements on your spouse, telling them of the merits while downplaying the trade-offs. 

Give you 2 examples: 

 

1) Pilot hubby who contributes 100% finance because the wife (ex crew) becomes a housewife after marriage. Seems great, cuz he don't need to work right? what's the trade off? Hubby is away 50% of the time. So she has to manage all by herself when child is sick, bringing up the child, the chores, etc. For those with maids, you will know a maid cannot bao ka liao, there's still many household chores and kids stuffs that needs to be done. 

But these trade offs are always down played when they go about telling others how great their financial arrangements are

 

2) Hubby that is 10 years or more older than spouse - OR hubby that is ugly

Obviously, men are visual creatures, hence if they are considerably rich BUT ugly and/or OLD, they don't mind taking up the role of the sole financial contributor to have a pretty wife. Their lack of looks and age is compensated by their financial ability to provide. Sure, I know of many women who dun mind the looks or age, but actually, who knows, they can say so, words are cheap, but when it comes to being intimate with these hubbies, you never know their real thoughts.

 

The point I wanna make is, if both spouse are almost equal standing in terms of qualities (looks, careers, family backgrounds, etc) and both work, then I don't see why it is prerogative that only the man contributes financially, bearing in mind that all other matrimonial duties are also shared between them - ie the man doesn't shake leg at home and expects wife to be the traditional virtuous homemaker after she returns from work.

 

Point number 2: SG is an extremely expensive place to be. I mentioned in the last thread that 12K combined income is considered low. Many may flame that this is being haolian, but reality is, each person has their own defination and quality of life they want for their loved ones and themselves. When both spouse contributes, isn't that a clear case of the general pool having a 2 fold potential?  

[Icebrush79]

An Old Fashion Chinese Business Man once told me ... 

 

A Wife, should always be the one to look after the Family and Home ... By doing this, the Husband will not have to worry about anything back home and as such, he will be able to fully concentrate on his work and provide for his family.

 

In return, the Wife should have a name in the Family Finances and should never have to worry about money. This will give her a peace of mind and security.

 

Respect begets respect ...

 

No need to define ... No need to calculate ... 

 

Disclaimer ... Not I say one ... 

 

Bro, there's a reason why an old fashioned business man would say this, because it works in the old days.

Times have changed, as women become equals with men in society, their expectations and demands are vastly different. 

 

Divorce used to be taboo. Nowadays, divorce are so common people actually hold parties to celebrate their new freedom. 

Women are not so empowered and vocal previously.

[Galantspeedz]

i always thought the question is how to define a man's financial contribution

 

 

how come become man and woman each contribute how much

 

i thought answer should be i contribute $xx,xxx monthly

Edited November 29, 2016 by Galantspeedz

[G1234]

Sex

 

THE-Rapist

 

hahaha.

 

Wow, RadX can joke!   

[Nzy]

My wife is housewife, so no way she can contribute financially. She contributes by doing the housework and taking care of the kids. That alone saves me around 3-4k as I do not need to hire helper and send kids to full-time childcare. Save money eating most meals at home as well. In terms of effort, I think she works harder than me because her "job" is full-time. Over the weekend she also has to cook,wash up and clean if we are not eating out. 

 

As for controlling the finances, we share everything. I give 10% each to me and my wife as allowance from my salary and the rest of the 80% is put into a joint account for household stuff and all the other bills like insurance and savings/investments. For stuff that both of us agrees to spend money on, we will use the joint account. Anything that we cannot agree on, we'll just buy using our own allowance. Eg, She wants a handbag, but I feel its a waste of money, so she'll use her own allowance to buy it instead of the joint account.

Edited November 29, 2016 by Nzy

[Icebrush79]

 Agree...

I earn more than wifey (almost double her total compensation), so based on ratio 1:2, i pay 70% of everything.

We use joint account for this after calculating how much needed for everything, and have like 1-2k left over every month for little luxuries, so this account is actually growing albeit damn slowly.

 

Exception, my car expenses on me, and hers on her.

But money we made from property investments over the years, remain joint in another account, even though now the account balance is smallish since we paid off the housing loans.   

So we have 2 joint accounts, one active, one for investments, and we maintain separate personal accounts. 

 

This this is great cos i dont get pissed when she buys her mum or her sisters some jewellery/watches for birthdays, and she doesn't wince when i bao $500 ang pao for certain people at weddings, or buy watches.  

I see watch, i can afford, i buy. No need to think so much, just tell her after. 

Think everything will be different if it was coming from joint. 

 

But on this, i used to always 'hear' from my wife; her good friend and hubby's superior financial arrangement, what i call "joint at hips" accounts. 

Both contribute 100% of their salary into joint account.

Wah... no private money to buy rolex or what man.. I mean everything sia

I was holding off on this cos i knew it would lead to many many restrictions..

No watches, no cigar money and constant justifications.. Life will be darker by a shade man.  

 

BUT, the guy had this massive affair and got kid some more... 

After that the constant talk about her friend's superior financial arrangement stopped. Didn't hear a peep...

 

I'm glad to have someone who thinks like me. Sometimes, it is good to keep certain things clear cut. 

This will prevent resentment that arises from double standards and "your family vs my family"  -  by right after marriage, the in laws becomes your family and vice versa, but in reality, how often does that happen. 

 

We do not shun our responsibilities as husbands, like you, I contribute double to our joint acc although I don't earn twice my wife's pay. 

She doesn't drive - So my car, petrol, my own hobbies (watches like you...) etc are also on myself. 

i always thought the question is how to define a man's financial contribution

 

 

how come become man and woman each contribute how much

 

i thought answer should be i contribute $xx,xxx monthly

 

Actually my bad - a clearer topic title should be - Are men expected to be the sole financial contributor despite both spouse working. 

My wife is housewife, so no way she can contribute financially. She contributes by doing the housework and taking care of the kids. That alone saves me around 3-4k as I do not need to hire helper and send kids to full-time childcare. Save money eating most meals at home as well. In terms of effort, I think she works harder than me because her "job" is full-time. Over the weekend she also has to cook,wash up and clean if we are not eating out. 

 

As for controlling the finances, we share everything. I give 10% each to me and my wife as allowance from my salary and the rest of the 80% is put into a joint account for household stuff and all the other bills like insurance and savings/investments. For stuff that both of us agrees to spend money on, we will use the joint account. Anything that we cannot agree on, we'll just buy using our own allowance. Eg, She wants a handbag, but I feel its a waste of money, so she'll use her own allowance to buy it instead of the joint account.

 

Yours is very clear cut, because both has specific roles.

 

Complication is when both works, both share the other household chores and matrimonial responsibilities  - But only husband contributes financially - that is an imbalance right ? 

[G1234]

 

 

2) Hubby that is 10 years or more older than spouse - OR hubby that is ugly

Obviously, men are visual creatures, hence if they are considerably rich BUT ugly and/or OLD, they don't mind taking up the role of the sole financial contributor to have a pretty wife. Their lack of looks and age is compensated by their financial ability to provide. Sure, I know of many women who dun mind the looks or age, but actually, who knows, they can say so, words are cheap, but when it comes to being intimate with these hubbies, you never know their real thoughts.

 

 

 

Errr.... I have to object this one. Men mature later than women. 10 years older maybe is just about right. Maybe I have an old soul. But then I see many men much much older but still never seem to mature, so 10 years might not be enough. lol. Coming from me who dated mostly guys slightly younger, same age or +4. 

[Nzy]

 

Yours is very clear cut, because both has specific roles.

 

Complication is when both works, both share the other household chores and matrimonial responsibilities  - But only husband contributes financially - that is an imbalance right ? 

 

 

We did discuss about this cuz my wife intends to start working once all my kids are in Primary school. We came up with a solution that we thought was quite fair. So basically, the same thing. Take 10% of salary and the rest in joint account. Whatever we both can agree to spend on comes from joint account. Anything that is stuff we can't agree on or not related to each other at all will come from our own personal allowance. So the more she/I earn, the more allowance we have. So in a way, the expenses also split fairly based on our individual incomes.

 

We also agree that both should contribute financially. 

Edited November 29, 2016 by Nzy

[G1234]

 

Point number 2: SG is an extremely expensive place to be. I mentioned in the last thread that 12K combined income is considered low. Many may flame that this is being haolian, but reality is, each person has their own defination and quality of life they want for their loved ones and themselves. When both spouse contributes, isn't that a clear case of the general pool having a 2 fold potential?  

 

 

And yes, I agree with this one. 

[Chowyunfatt]

 

Times have changed, as women become equals with men in society, their expectations and demands are vastly different. 

 

 

 

 

You can say ... It is very Expensive ...

 

But, I can also say ... It's not Expensive, its a matter of whether you can afford it or not ...

 

Don't look for Women with high expectations ... Or expectations you cannot provide ...

 

Be down to earth when looking for a life time partner ... 

 

But thats only my opinion ... 

[Evillusion]

Errr.... I have to object this one. Men mature later than women. 10 years older maybe is just about right. Maybe I have an old soul. But then I see many men much much older but still never seem to mature, so 10 years might not be enough. lol. Coming from me who dated mostly guys slightly younger, same age or +4.

My wife and I have 5 yrs of age difference....my twin and his wife....12 yrs difference...

[Icebrush79]

Errr.... I have to object this one. Men mature later than women. 10 years older maybe is just about right. Maybe I have an old soul. But then I see many men much much older but still never seem to mature, so 10 years might not be enough. lol. Coming from me who dated mostly guys slightly younger, same age or +4. 

 

Actually the main trade off here is not the issue of maturity. 

 

Generally, men who are of greater age is more willing to take up more responsibilities, including financial ones, because they see it as a trade off to have a younger wife rather than marry one same age as them.

(looks and fertility being chief concerns  - though they will seldom admit in front of their wife)

 

This is where the term sugar daddies and sugar mommies originates.

 

If you have a man who is willing to marry a woman 10 years older and yet he has to contribute more - pls let me know, would love to interview this person.

You can say ... It is very Expensive ...

 

But, I can also say ... It's not Expensive, its a matter of whether you can afford it or not ...

 

Don't look for Women with high expectations ... Or expectations you cannot provide ...

 

Be down to earth when looking for a life time partner ... 

 

But thats only my opinion ... 

 

That's why, it is vital to manage expectations before marriage. 

 

Of course, expectations may change after marriage - but as a man, I think it is fair that I state my cards on the table for my wife and if she accepts, I have honoured my part being transparent.

[G1234]

 

Actually the main trade off here is not the issue of maturity. 

 

Generally, men who are of greater age is more willing to take up more responsibilities, including financial ones, because they see it as a trade off to have a younger wife rather than marry one same age as them.

(looks and fertility being chief concerns  - though they will seldom admit in front of their wife)

 

This is where the term sugar daddies and sugar mommies originates.

 

If you have a man who is willing to marry a woman 10 years older and yet he has to contribute more - pls let me know, would love to interview this person.

 

 

Sometimes older, but does not mean earn more than the wife. 

 

And older also does not mean more willing to take up more responsibilities. There might be a reason why the men get married later in general. haha. 

[Icebrush79]

Sometimes older, but does not mean earn more than the wife. 

 

And older also does not mean more willing to take up more responsibilities. There might be a reason why the men get married later in general. haha. 

 

Well... haha 

 

If a women is willing to marry a man who earns lesser, not willing to take more responsibilities and YET is older than her.

I just wanna say, love is blind la.

 

I know for sure, this will be over my wife's dead body 

[Porker]

You can say ... It is very Expensive ...

 

But, I can also say ... It's not Expensive, its a matter of whether you can afford it or not ...

 

Don't look for Women with high expectations ... Or expectations you cannot provide ...

 

Be down to earth when looking for a life time partner ...

 

But thats only my opinion ...

Very rich man spotted