A child's future is worth every sacrifice!

[Showster]

Hehe, 4.5months is still too young for any beating lah bro.

 

How old is she and do you beat her when she throws her tantrums. 

 

Just asking as my daughter is 4.5 months old so I am keen to learn from others.

 

For some, there is horrible 4.

 

Terrible 2 is just the beginning. They become real terrors from 3. [laugh]

 

Another throat slit case in TW. What is happening?

 

Luckily she survived...

 

http://www.straitstimes.com/asia/east-asia/taiwan-shocked-again-as-mother-finds-12-year-old-daughters-throat-slit

 

[Lala81]

As a parent myself, I had learnt a lot from my children. These are the following observations:

 

1. The child/children are all like white paper waiting to be taught or imitate.

 

2. The child/children are like "monkey/monkeys", that is, they will follow and imitate anything that has an influence on them which includes us as parents. I see a lot of bad behaviour in my children which I later discovered (luckily not too late) are those of my very bad habits.

 

3. The child/children has to be discipline from the word go, otherwise it will be very difficult to re-learn/re-taught and by 6 years old they already have a mind of their own.

 

4. Other people (their friends and teachers) seem more "powerful" then us parents, so use this to your advantage.

 

5. Many more that requires to pause once in awhile and re-assess what we ourselves are doing.

 

Good luck.

 

I agree with most things said here.

 

I've said this before that to be a better parent, you yourself have to be a better person. More patient, more forgiving, good manners etc 

[Lala81]

Ok. Usually the tantrum starts from her refusing to do something she's supposed to be do.

Supposing she's been very whiny and asking mother to do this,  do that. Small requests we do follow her preference, cos she has strong preferences for virtually every single thing in life. So we let her have choices and let her choose.

Of course as all parents do with their children, we tend to rig some of the choices with white lies but she's not stupid or she'll think outside of the box and ask for something else.

 

Then my wife buay tahan, ask her come over to her to be hugged. Then she refuses. It can be 1m distance but she will die die also not move that one metre.

Then it will start. As she starts crying, she'll start talking abt the elaborate scenarios like "mama come hug me, then sayang me, wipe my nose, switch off the lights etc etc" as it all fits in her imaginary master-plan.

 

Then my wife will refuse, say u come over then we see how. So she'll cry and shout. We'll keep repeating the same thing ad nauseum, get angry ourselves. So this first step of giving in can be ranging from 20-30mins (this is very fast already when she's in a better mood) to 1 hour (median) or even 3 hours +. 

Once that first step is past, usually she can calm down or listen to us. If we shortcut this step ie give in or try to resolve the situation quickly, then she will find something to pick with next.

 

Standing in a circle in this scenario would be pointless, because she doesn't want to move first (ie we give in first). U can physically drag her out, then she'll run back to the original spot she was in.

I've spent 1 hr + in waterway point before cos i got angry with her for refusing to change out of her school uniform, then dragged her out of the changing room. So after that she stood at one spot without her shoes and threw the shoes away for 1 hour.

Lol dunno how many aunties go and try hong her, kana bochapped.

 

 

I admit i usually punish her when I'm angry. Ideally i would like to punish her with what u said. But then if I am so calm (which sometimes because I'm the 3rd party as she's having the tantrum with my wife), then i see little value for punishment.

It's worked once cos when she goes over to my in laws place for meals, she commands them like a little tyrant. And they are the ones who brought her up for the first 2 years so they give in to her.

She got so unreasonable that i whacked her. So now she toned it down such that still under my threshold...

 

We've stopped caning totally cos my wife during one of her tantrums caused her skin to have some wounds. 

 

 

You can try this tactic you can consider.

 

Make her stand in a circle and cane her only if she steps out, make her stand there until she apologies, listens to you etc.

 

My wife also canes our kid at times but not much effect, caning sometimes also abit of a mind game. Idea is too make them fear it enough so that they listen to you without having to resort to actual caning.

 

The circle thing works because it makes them stand still (not easy for kids), and ponder on their thoughts. sometimes if they misbehave I will just tell them they will stand in the circle if they continue.

 

This make not work for all kids I advocate, but since using that sometime ago have not had to resort it for a good period of time now.

 

More don't shout or lose your cool, just implement the punishment and explain why their being punishment. Anyway this method is not for all kids so if you do wanna try it please gauge your children reaction and stop accordingly (mental emotion etc)

[Lala81]

I guess every child is different and respond differently. My eldest son is the easiest because he cares about what others think. So if he behaves badly, all we need to do is explain to him that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable by most people and he'll stop doing it. 

 

My younger son is totally different. The more you tell him cannot do it, the more he wants to do it. Lol.

 

Agreed, siblings all have different personalities 

[Lala81]

Your child not easy to handle. Have you try taking away her favorite things and activities, till she behaves.

 

It works on my daughter to get her to do her studies and homework. Scolded her once she was around 5 or 6 years old, when she refuse to listen to us to do her school work. Immediately told her I'm keeping her tablet, until she finished her work. Cried the whole night still refusing to listen. But eventually the next day she relanted. Probably she cannot tahan one day without the tablet. From then, it became a rule for her, only when she finishes her work than she can play. 

 

We do use carrot (tablet, watching animated movies/peppa pig) to get her to do something like eat her meals or bathe so that she can watch.

But we already restrict this activities to mostly the weekends or special occasions. 

 

Anyway it doesnt' motivate her to throw less tantrums. I don't like the idea of using a reward to motivate her to control her behaviour also. It may just be a shortcut.

[Lala81]

Don't worry. Difficult children are usually very smart.

 

My elder son also very difficult when he was young. At that time, he would refuse to sleep and throw tantrum, cry, play until he was totally drained. That's like 1 or 2 am.

 

Throw tantrum must ignore. Once you start giving attention, the situation would only get worse. And normally when we give attention means scolding or caning. So best still ignore.

 

Night tantrums? Haha she had that and almost killed us for the 1st 2 years. Can be 3-4 times a week. 2am nao until 3am.

Now improved. But waking her up for any reason at night (eg poop in diaper or leak urine) got 50% chance of tantrum.

 

Few mths back, she threw a tantrum from 330am to 630am. Lucky i was on leave during that period.

[Vid]

Night tantrums? Haha she had that and almost killed us for the 1st 2 years. Can be 3-4 times a week. 2am nao until 3am.

Now improved. But waking her up for any reason at night (eg poop in diaper or leak urine) got 50% chance of tantrum.

 

Few mths back, she threw a tantrum from 330am to 630am. Lucky i was on leave during that period.

 

[laugh] That's parenthood for ya...

 

Mine was everyday business one. No sleep at times from night to morning. Lucky now he has grown pass that.

 

Don't worry. Everything will pass. It's a process. "Enjoy" it now and next time it will be fond memory and a talking topic with your child.

[Lala81]

[laugh] That's parenthood for ya...

 

Mine was everyday business one. No sleep at times from night to morning. Lucky now he has grown pass that.

 

Don't worry. Everything will pass. It's a process. "Enjoy" it now and next time it will be fond memory and a talking topic with your child.

 

ya when it's bad it was almost daily. Thankfully she passed the phase.

Not uncommon. My friend's brother's kid and my insurance agent kid also had that.

 

Yeah lah. But Lao peh's job is to worry, as I told my friend.

[Lala81]

My friends' kids not so many of these type of problems. So i can't complain too much to them also. Hah they hear also sian.

Only our immediate family know my girl's pattern

 

So come MCF and vent! 

[Ktglfc]

My friends' kids not so many of these type of problems. So i can't complain too much to them also. Hah they hear also sian.

Only our immediate family know my girl's pattern

 

So come MCF and vent!

It's ok :)

We are all Bros and we will lend you many ears :))

 

Bringing up kids is a lifelong journey ... we never stop worrying till we lie in coffins ...

That's a fact ... so patience does help and of course, support from everyone too :)

[Lala81]

It's ok :)

We are all Bros and we will lend you many ears :))

 

Bringing up kids is a lifelong journey ... we never stop worrying till we lie in coffins ...

That's a fact ... so patience does help and of course, support from everyone too :)

 

Yeah lah. Anyway hopefully all these are minor issues in the long run.

[Showster]

One day, we will all look back and reminisce about the days when we had to do so much for kids.

 

Once I brought my girl to a wedding dinner. One of our friends told us bluntly she has ADHD and we should consult a specialist. In the end we judged that she was just very active. And it all turned out well when she went to Primary School. And my boy has the same or even higher levels of energy as well...

 

I have been harbouring a "dangerous" thought recently, to adopt a child. But of course worry about all the adverse impacts on the family. Maybe only when I miss the baby / toddler times that badly ha...

 

My friends' kids not so many of these type of problems. So i can't complain too much to them also. Hah they hear also sian.

Only our immediate family know my girl's pattern

 

So come MCF and vent! 

 

[Showster]

Treasure your mother as much as you treasure your children (if any)!

 

Mother's Day is coming.

 

Well done Thailand once again!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkbNvJhGAJk

[Showster]

Stay "rich"!

 

http://www.straitstimes.com/opinion/children-make-you-richer-not-poorer

Children make you richer, not poorer

Charles Tan Meah Yang For The Straits Times

PUBLISHED

7 HOURS AGO

FACEBOOK258TWITTEREMAIL

 

I had to make a little detour on my trip around Europe recently. The husband of my aunt, who has lived in Germany for the best part of half a century, had died in his sleep over the weekend. As she has no children and I was the closest family within easy reach, the burden of responsibility fell on me to ensure that she was all right and to assist in her plans to move back to Malaysia, where her siblings live.

 

A loved one's passing invariably evokes feelings of shock and grief, and is also a time for reflection about priorities, purpose and life in general. It is regrettable that, given our increasingly manic and materialistic lives, we often get so caught up in the rat race that we don't give ourselves any time for introspection until an event such as a death in the family forces us to.

Spending a week with my childless aunt, and seeing the help pour in from her vast support network of siblings in her time of need, I was made to rethink the value of not just family in general, but large families in particular - even as I prepare to start my own in the near future.

 

I grew up in Singapore. Doing so as an only child had its benefits. It meant that I never had to share anything (such as clothes, toys and parental attention), but also I never learnt the joy of sharing. I never had a sister to coach me on dating or a brother to play basketball with, and there were countless instances when I wished I had the counsel of a sibling because there are just some things you don't ask or tell your parents about.

 

In contrast, my mother had 15 siblings, of whom the aunt in Germany is one. She recounts that life in Singapore was very hard back then, rebuilding in the aftermath of World War II. Having so many mouths to feed was not helpful either. While my mum's large family size is probably an extreme example, the fertility rate was 5.8 back in 1960, compared with the 1.2 it sits at today.

 

 

In their final days, my grandparents were surrounded by their children and grandchildren, all having taken different paths in life, but all successful in their own right. And my grandparents must have been so proud and happy in the knowledge that, even as they were leaving this world and their material possessions behind, they would live on through us, for we are their legacy.

This significant reduction in fertility can be partially explained by lower infant mortality, higher economic productivity and other positive developments that have reduced the need to have large numbers of children. However, it would seem the decline in fertility is also in many ways a voluntary one: Contraceptive use has increased with rising education levels, many couples will use the "quality over quantity" argument to justify having just one or two children and some singles cite the rising cost of living as a reason they cannot afford a family at all.

The last point requires greater reflection. Because while it is not wrong to say that the cost of living has indeed risen in absolute terms, compared with the situation 50 years ago, Singapore is certainly far ahead in relative terms, and the standard of living enjoyed today is something people in the 1960s could only have dreamt of. To use a crude measure of economic progress, the inflation-adjusted gross domestic product per capita has risen from $1,700 then to $70,000 today.

 

So if my grandparents, despite their relative poverty, felt comfortable having as many kids as they did, why are we so cautious when it comes to parenthood today?

 

The answer, I believe, is that our value systems have changed. Speaking with my parents and their friends about "life back then", I get the impression that people from generations past appeared to place the family and community above the self, whereas the opposite is generally true for the younger generations of Singaporeans.

 

While having many children used to be seen as a source of great pride and even wealth, the modern couple is likely to view kids as a burden (and not just in financial terms) while, ironically, a large family home may be a greater source of pride than a large family in today's context. In essence, we seem to have become a more materialistic and egocentric society.

The cynical among us will say maybe it is all about the availability of alternatives. My grandparents didn't have budget airlines, South Korean soap operas and time-saving devices such as washing machines and microwave ovens. So they didn't have the time, money or option to do anything else. Their world revolved around their families and tending to their needs, not travelling the world or fulfilling their innermost desires. Perhaps, if they had the same options that we have today, they might have made the same selfish choices we make.

 

However, while I can't speak for others, I believe my grandparents were different. While they were simple people, I think they intuitively understood the value of family. To them, children were not burdens to bear or obligations to fulfil, but long-term investments in sanity and dignity, paying healthy dividends in pride and happiness, each with unknown but unlimited upside potential.

 

In their final days, my grandparents were surrounded by their children and grandchildren, all having taken different paths in life, but all successful in their own right. And my grandparents must have been so proud and happy in the knowledge that, even as they were leaving this world and their material possessions behind, they would live on through us, for we are their legacy.

 

As I bade my aunt farewell at the bus station that weekend, it saddened me to think that, with her beloved husband now gone, she would be returning to an empty home, with no family to visit or call. She now regrets not having children, of course, but she lived quite the colourful life when she was young and didn't think it mattered all that much.

 

If we all thought more deeply about the things that are truly important to us, that give our lives meaning, I am sure the vast majority of us would come to the same conclusion: that family ranks above anything else.

 

Having children will necessarily entail sacrifice, that much is certain, but even if I am poorer - in terms of time, freedom and money - my life will surely be richer for it. That, at least, is the lesson my grandparents have taught me.

 

• The writer is co-founder of 31-East.com, a start-up that aims to tackle waste, corruption and inefficiency in the property sector.

 

Edited June 22, 2016 by Showster

[Lala81]

Rest in peace. You saved your girl! f**king amazing.

 

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/father-s-last-embrace-saves-girl-in-china-building-collapse/3196986.html

[Showster]

Rest in peace. You saved your girl! f**king amazing.

 

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/news/asiapacific/father-s-last-embrace-saves-girl-in-china-building-collapse/3196986.html

Thanks.

 

Their buildings really... worse than lego...