A child's future is worth every sacrifice!

[Lala81]

I can really feel you guys...

 

I've just started practicing this

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/teen-girls-crash-course/201207/teen-girls-and-the-practice-non-reactivity

 

Hope it works for us.

 

Thanks.

[Still2016]

Knowing When to Get Professional Advice

1. 
   1
   See if you’re getting through to your child. Different children respond to different disciplinary methods. Try a few different things and see what seems to work. If your child keeps throwing tantrums no matter what you do, you might want to get outside assistance from a doctor or therapist, who can provide more ideas that suit the specific needs of your child.
    
2. 
   2
   See if the tantrums are related to an environmental factor. Certain environmental stimulants might be causing your child to have more tantrums than normal. Sometimes kids have a sensitivity to food (especially sugar), light, big crowds, music, or other factors that irritate them and cause them to break down in frustration.

   • Observe the times when your child has tantrums, and see if you think the tantrums are connected to something in the environment. Take away the stimulant and see if that helps.
   • Get professional advice if you’re having trouble figuring out what’s causing the tantrums.
    
3. 
   3
   See if the tantrums persist as the child gets older. Most kids eventually outgrow throwing tantrums when they learn other effective forms of communication. If your child keeps throwing tantrums well past the toddler stage, there may be something going on that needs to be addressed. Consider taking your child to a doctor or therapist to see if there’s a deeper issue at hand.

   • Take your child to the doctor if tantrums are frequent or violent. If your child throws a tantrum multiple times a day, or if the tantrums are particularly violent and exhausting, it’s a good idea to have your child meet with a professional to find out if your child has a need that’s not being met. Violent, frequent tantrums may be a symptom of a developmental issue.

 

Edited April 1, 2016 by Still2016

[Kusje]

i'm losing my temper very frequently by my Dg.

Me and my wife were having it bad 3 weeks back, we just keep getting enraged in turn by her behaviour. My wife also super buay tahan her.

 

It improved about 2 weeks ago when my wife sent me a video of her playing with this bath toy that my wife bought for her. Then we both decided to tone down again after we realised she's still very young after all.

 

So now we try to be more patient again, lower our expectations. Not easy with her demands.

 

How old is she and do you beat her when she throws her tantrums. 

 

Just asking as my daughter is 4.5 months old so I am keen to learn from others.

[Still2016]

Trying Time Out (for Young Children)

1. 
   1
   Use time out during a meltdown. Avoid trying to reason with any child who is in the middle of a full-blown tantrum. Give him or her time to vent. Instead, give the child phrases to express the emotions that they are experiencing. Say phrases like, "You must be really tired after such a long day," or, "You must feel frustrated that you can't have what you want right now." This not only will help the child verbalize this later, but shows empathy without having to give in. At this point, you may find that your best option is giving the child space them until he or she calms down.
    
2. 
   2
   Tell your child it’s “time out” or “quiet time”. If your toddler is having a complete meltdown, and there’s no way he or she will be responsive to a rational conversation, sometimes quiet time is the best method. Tell him or her it’s time to be quiet until he or she can calm down and feel better.

   • Remain calm yourself to model good behavior for your child.
   • Don’t use quiet time as a threat or punishment, but rather as a way to give your child space so he or she can calm down.
    
3. 
   3
   Place him or her in a safe spot. The child’s bedroom or another safe place in the house where you feel comfortable leaving him or her alone for a little while is best. The spot should be free of distractions such as a computer, TV or handheld video game. Choose a quiet, peaceful place that the child associates with feeling calm.

   • Don’t lock the child in a room. This can be dangerous and will be interpreted as a punishment.
    
4. 
   4
   Explain to the child that you will talk to him or her when he or she calms down. This will help your child to understand that you are ignoring her because her behavior is unacceptable, not because you don’t care about her. When the child calms down, fulfill your part of the bargain by discussing the tantrum and the child’s concerns.
    
5. 
   5
   Have a talk when it's time. When your child is no longer having a fit, have a conversation about what happened. Without berating your child or taking an accusatory tone, ask why he or she was upset. Provide a clear explanation of your side of the story.

   • It’s important not to treat your child as the enemy, even if you’re upset with him or her. Hug your child and speak lovingly even as you’re explaining that we can’t always get our way.
    
6. 
   6
   Be consistent. Kids need structure in order to feel safe and in control of their lives. If they’re never sure what will happen if they behave a certain way, they’ll start acting out. Use “time out” or “quiet time” each time your child throws a tantrum. He or she will soon learn that screaming and kicking aren’t as effective as talking things through.
    
7. 
   7
   Try the journaling time out trick. If you don’t feel comfortable putting your child in a different room or spot, you can still facilitate a time out of sorts by shifting your attention elsewhere. When your child throws a tantrum, tell him or her you’re going to write about it. Take out a journal and write down what happened and how you feel. Ask your child to tell you how he or she feels so you can write that down, too. Your child will want to be involved in what you’re doing, and will soon forget to scream and cry.

 

Edited April 1, 2016 by Still2016

[Lala81]

How old is she and do you beat her when she throws her tantrums. 

 

Just asking as my daughter is 4.5 months old so I am keen to learn from others.

 

she's 3.5 year old now

She's been like this since she was born. My wife stopped work cos we felt her parents were making the thing worse by spoiling her.

 

Actually still throwing such long tantrums is actually considered abnormal liao at this age.

But i don't think labeling her abnormal or bringing her to a psychiatrist will help.

 

We ignore her or be firm to our original demand/request. 

 

I've smacked her buttocks on occasions. Yes, hard enough to make my hands sting.

I've stopped doing it cos it doesn't get through to her, only once or twice did i think it had a positive effect in stopping her nonsense.

But I'm sorely tempted at times, but now i only do it when it's really buay tahan to the max. 

My wife stopped using the cane after she started getting some wounds on it. 

 

Her stubborness is 10/10. 

Recently, she refused to brush her teeth for 2 hours. Refuse to brush teeth means she refuse to do anything.

Took her 1hr 30mins to give in. 

Then i wanted her to say sorry to my wife. It took her another 40mins to say sorry. 

That's a whole sunday AM gone.

 

She has some traits of a defiant oppositional child but it doesn't fit her at all. She wants certain things done in a certain way.

We negotiate/let her choose the small things, and stand firm on the big ones.

 

 

If there's one upside to all of this, it's that we don't find handling the younger son difficult. Lol.

Edited April 1, 2016 by Lala81

[Ktglfc]

she's 3.5 year old now

She's been like this since she was born. My wife stopped work cos we felt her parents were making the thing worse by spoiling her.

 

Actually still throwing such long tantrums is actually considered abnormal liao at this age.

But i don't think labeling her abnormal or bringing her to a psychiatrist will help.

 

We ignore her or be firm to our original demand/request. 

 

I've smacked her buttocks on occasions. Yes, hard enough to make my hands sting.

I've stopped doing it cos it doesn't get through to her, only once or twice did i think it had a positive effect in stopping her nonsense.

But I'm sorely tempted at times, but now i only do it when it's really buay tahan to the max. 

My wife stopped using the cane after she started getting some wounds on it. 

 

Her stubborness is 10/10. 

Recently, she refused to brush her teeth for 2 hours. Refuse to brush teeth means she refuse to do anything.

Took her 1hr 30mins to give in. 

Then i wanted her to say sorry to my wife. It took her another 40mins to say sorry. 

That's a whole sunday AM gone.

 

She has some traits of a defiant oppositional child but it doesn't fit her at all. She wants certain things done in a certain way.

We negotiate/let her choose the small things, and stand firm on the big ones.

 

 

If there's one upside to all of this, it's that we don't find handling the younger son difficult. Lol.

 

It's hard on you and your wife ....

Hope your love will slowly but surely make your daughter realize how much you guys are loving her ...

And hope she can then listen to you and your wife ...

 

jia you, Bro

[Still2016]

As a parent myself, I had learnt a lot from my children. These are the following observations:

 

1. The child/children are all like white paper waiting to be taught or imitate.

 

2. The child/children are like "monkey/monkeys", that is, they will follow and imitate anything that has an influence on them which includes us as parents. I see a lot of bad behaviour in my children which I later discovered (luckily not too late) are those of my very bad habits.

 

3. The child/children has to be discipline from the word go, otherwise it will be very difficult to re-learn/re-taught and by 6 years old they already have a mind of their own.

 

4. Other people (their friends and teachers) seem more "powerful" then us parents, so use this to your advantage.

 

5. Many more that requires to pause once in awhile and re-assess what we ourselves are doing.

 

Good luck.

[Kusje]

she's 3.5 year old now

She's been like this since she was born. My wife stopped work cos we felt her parents were making the thing worse by spoiling her.

 

Actually still throwing such long tantrums is actually considered abnormal liao at this age.

But i don't think labeling her abnormal or bringing her to a psychiatrist will help.

 

We ignore her or be firm to our original demand/request. 

 

I've smacked her buttocks on occasions. Yes, hard enough to make my hands sting.

I've stopped doing it cos it doesn't get through to her, only once or twice did i think it had a positive effect in stopping her nonsense.

But I'm sorely tempted at times, but now i only do it when it's really buay tahan to the max. 

My wife stopped using the cane after she started getting some wounds on it. 

 

Her stubborness is 10/10. 

Recently, she refused to brush her teeth for 2 hours. Refuse to brush teeth means she refuse to do anything.

Took her 1hr 30mins to give in. 

Then i wanted her to say sorry to my wife. It took her another 40mins to say sorry. 

That's a whole sunday AM gone.

 

She has some traits of a defiant oppositional child but it doesn't fit her at all. She wants certain things done in a certain way.

We negotiate/let her choose the small things, and stand firm on the big ones.

 

 

If there's one upside to all of this, it's that we don't find handling the younger son difficult. Lol.

 

Thank you for your reply.

 

I guess each individual child is different even if they have the same parents and need different types of methods to teach them.

 

For myself, I was caned (definitely worse than having "some wounds") but still refuse to submit   Suspect my daughter might be the same too.

 

Good luck.

[Nzy]

she's 3.5 year old now

She's been like this since she was born. My wife stopped work cos we felt her parents were making the thing worse by spoiling her.

 

Actually still throwing such long tantrums is actually considered abnormal liao at this age.

But i don't think labeling her abnormal or bringing her to a psychiatrist will help.

 

We ignore her or be firm to our original demand/request. 

 

I've smacked her buttocks on occasions. Yes, hard enough to make my hands sting.

I've stopped doing it cos it doesn't get through to her, only once or twice did i think it had a positive effect in stopping her nonsense.

But I'm sorely tempted at times, but now i only do it when it's really buay tahan to the max. 

My wife stopped using the cane after she started getting some wounds on it. 

 

Her stubborness is 10/10. 

Recently, she refused to brush her teeth for 2 hours. Refuse to brush teeth means she refuse to do anything.

Took her 1hr 30mins to give in. 

Then i wanted her to say sorry to my wife. It took her another 40mins to say sorry. 

That's a whole sunday AM gone.

 

She has some traits of a defiant oppositional child but it doesn't fit her at all. She wants certain things done in a certain way.

We negotiate/let her choose the small things, and stand firm on the big ones.

 

 

If there's one upside to all of this, it's that we don't find handling the younger son difficult. Lol.

 

I guess every child is different and respond differently. My eldest son is the easiest because he cares about what others think. So if he behaves badly, all we need to do is explain to him that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable by most people and he'll stop doing it. 

 

My younger son is totally different. The more you tell him cannot do it, the more he wants to do it. Lol.

[Ender]

she's 3.5 year old now

She's been like this since she was born. My wife stopped work cos we felt her parents were making the thing worse by spoiling her.

 

Actually still throwing such long tantrums is actually considered abnormal liao at this age.

But i don't think labeling her abnormal or bringing her to a psychiatrist will help.

 

We ignore her or be firm to our original demand/request. 

 

I've smacked her buttocks on occasions. Yes, hard enough to make my hands sting.

I've stopped doing it cos it doesn't get through to her, only once or twice did i think it had a positive effect in stopping her nonsense.

But I'm sorely tempted at times, but now i only do it when it's really buay tahan to the max. 

My wife stopped using the cane after she started getting some wounds on it. 

 

Her stubborness is 10/10. 

Recently, she refused to brush her teeth for 2 hours. Refuse to brush teeth means she refuse to do anything.

Took her 1hr 30mins to give in. 

Then i wanted her to say sorry to my wife. It took her another 40mins to say sorry. 

That's a whole sunday AM gone.

 

She has some traits of a defiant oppositional child but it doesn't fit her at all. She wants certain things done in a certain way.

We negotiate/let her choose the small things, and stand firm on the big ones.

 

 

If there's one upside to all of this, it's that we don't find handling the younger son difficult. Lol.

Your child not easy to handle. Have you try taking away her favorite things and activities, till she behaves.

 

It works on my daughter to get her to do her studies and homework. Scolded her once she was around 5 or 6 years old, when she refuse to listen to us to do her school work. Immediately told her I'm keeping her tablet, until she finished her work. Cried the whole night still refusing to listen. But eventually the next day she relanted. Probably she cannot tahan one day without the tablet. From then, it became a rule for her, only when she finishes her work than she can play. 

[Vid]

Her tantrums are quite record long.

1 hr is sup sup sui. 

Record is almost 4 hrs.

In mornings especially, can be every single morning.

Like now even at the best of times, it takes my wife about 30mins to get her to brush her teeth and change up. 

 

Don't worry. Difficult children are usually very smart.

 

My elder son also very difficult when he was young. At that time, he would refuse to sleep and throw tantrum, cry, play until he was totally drained. That's like 1 or 2 am.

 

Throw tantrum must ignore. Once you start giving attention, the situation would only get worse. And normally when we give attention means scolding or caning. So best still ignore.

[Jman888]

she's 3.5 year old now

 

 

 

recently i attend a training, the teacher ask which 2 age group are the rebellion stage in life, obviously everyone know first is teenage. Then many guess the second one is during menopause/manopause but we were wrong.

 

The first rebellion stage is at 3-4       

[Enye]

probably not a good idea but sometimes i would just tell my youngest kid not to do something when i want him to do it

 

e.g. dont' brush your teeth....and he promptly goes and does it

 

 

 

 

 

[Ender]

probably not a good idea but sometimes i would just tell my youngest kid not to do something when i want him to do it

 

e.g. dont' brush your teeth....and he promptly goes and does it

 

 

Test later. I go and tell my son no need to do homework and can play Counter strike: GO all night.

[Vid]

Test later. I go and tell my son no need to do homework and can play Counter strike: GO all night.

 

If your son is at an age where he knows how to play counter strike, that method no use liao. [laugh]

Edited April 1, 2016 by Vid

[Jman888]

probably not a good idea but sometimes i would just tell my youngest kid not to do something when i want him to do it

 

e.g. dont' brush your teeth....and he promptly goes and does it

 

 

 

you holding plyer on the other hand right, how not to quickly go brush      

[Wyfitms]

i noticed for those who have 2 or more kids, usually one will be hard to handle and one easy... seldom both exactly the same?

[Vid]

i noticed for those who have 2 or more kids, usually one will be hard to handle and one easy... seldom both exactly the same?

 

Yes, all kids different. My elder hard to take care, younger one ok.