My little suggestion - A parenting folder perhaps?

[Icebrush79]

I think TS is first time parent. I can understand the excitement especially your first and still an infant. But once the infant becomes "terrible 2" as in 2yo, "horrible 3", "vomit blood 4", etc etc you will think and talk differently. LoL...

 

Right now I have a "vomit blood 4" and the other becoming a "terrible 2". To tell you the truth I'm exhausted. The best time I think it's when they are at infant stage, once they know how to talk, walk and run, it will become a nightmare. Now when I get home it's like watching live wrestling match between the two. The wailing and crying, knn buay tahan. This is fatherhood. Welcome to hell. LoL...

 

Every stage is a challenge for sure. Parenthood is a lifelong commitment, no matter how tough, it was a choice we made so no turning back once the decision is forged.

 

I think every child has their unique temperament, some are just more hyper/naughty/active than others - but that's not a bad thing as long as they are not ill-bred.

Would hell be a good description? Because there must be upsides to parenthood too isn't it? Else this world will be filled with lots of very depressed people won't it?

 

 

[Icebrush79]

 

Just to contribute my personal experience (dad of an almost 4 MO)

 

Wowwwww…super wan lan eh!!!! The initial frustration is outstanding indeed!!! Perhaps it really depends on your luck too.

 

Mine wakes up every 2 hours and it takes an hour to coax her back to sleep. We didn’t hire a confinement lady cos my wife doesn’t want to be nagged at.

This lasted for 2 months and thankfully, she is able to sleep thru the night now .. whew.

 

Next up, most guys are TOTATLY CLUELESS handling babies. Perhaps it’s just not our innate ability or maybe you have the fear of hurting “something” so fragile. And the antenatal classes didn’t benefit me at all. Its akin to trading a demo account vs. a real account.. lol… Not to worry thou, cos here comes the missus. To be flat out honest, I am surprised how well my wife adapts to handling the child, it totally exceeds my expectations and it amazed me. Trouble comes if the wife has little patience when the man seems helpless. You will get naggings here and there until you master at least level 6 (of 10) of that particular skill.

 

Back to the night feedings…. You really have to empathise with your wife. Initially, I was like, ok, so you are not working and hence why do I even have to wake up at night to feed??? And then if you happen to be on leave for just one day, I swear you will be enlightened on the popular quote “Mothers are the toughest occupation” Well, that may not apply to super patient guys or those that loves children in a I enjoy (don’t mind doesn’t count) coaxing and attending to an incessantly crying child kind of way. To share a little more about myself.. I always love cute babies and hands to heart, I really do love my daughter, and hence, I would have thought the parental patience will come naturally. Boy..was I SO wrong…As long as you have even a fractional tinge of self centeredness you will understand the agony of the child’s need before yours… And you don’t have a choice cos, well, its YOUR child!!! And that doesn’t help when my wife’s characteristics is exactly like mine.. So, we learn to compromise.

 

Next section is on parents, in laws and theories about babies.. Grandparents always love their grandchildren… that love is pure, touching, totally amazing and can never be doubted…. But it can get overly zealous. Different people have different ways of caring for a child. This can be learned from friends, media, self help books, forums, professionals and opinion leaders… Trouble comes when your wife’s way of handling the child differs with the grandparents… You guys can all argue that well, give and take and blab la blue… but trust me, you will only be fine if your wife is the totally submissive type.. else… muahahahhahahahaahha…

 

Going out with friends... Honestly, I don’t have too much of a problem with that cos we have a mutual agreement that we can take turns to go out or together collectively as a family. But vanity takes a back seat, literally… I have turned up in weddings with a milk stain blazer and now go out most of the time in a cap. Going to work in “tip top condition” is challenging and squirreling off to the gym during lunch breaks is the only way to maintain your physique. When you are at home, you will be slaving to the little one and at this point of time, I much enjoy being at work then at home the whole day… It sounds kind of contradicting cos you tend to miss your little one too but I guess having a bit of me time is still important. I don’t know about the rest of the guys but I am expecting that days at home will get better when the child can communicate.. No idea yet cos I haven’t reached that milestone.

 

My experience thus far has taught me that being pro active in sharing the burden is extremely important (both husband and wife). For example when my wife helps with the entire night feeding without being told, I will feel grateful and reciprocate for the next 2 days happily and willingly and that has a positive effect that is exponential. It is also good to communicate and work as a team in which whoever does what better does that more. One of the worst thing to do is trying to avoid duties (i.e. pretending to sleep when the baby cries at night) when one party finally get up, he/she will do so grudgingly and this in turn can lead to anger being vent on the poor child.

 

Still the same ole, ENJOY WHILE YOU STILL CAN bro !!!!! It isn’t easy, but it will eventually be gratifying.

 

Bro, I think the standfirst to your lengthy contribution should scream "Enjoy while you still can" - something I've heard more than once.

 

Do understand that parenting life is different, life is hell (as one contributor philosophically put it) and life is suffering without end.

 

Taking a step back however, why don't we emphasise on why we chose to be parents instead? Its a decision made out of choice instead of cohesion, surely that big picture justification is something we can focus on while going thru..... errr... hell?

 

Afterall, its either you wanna have kids or not, and since the answer is yes, then why does it sound like a life of purgatory henceforth.

 

Please bring me up to perspective everyone, while we are worn out by all these parenting duties, gripes are just forms of letting out steam/stress so that we can carry on right?

Because if you can envisage parenting as a chore, why choose to have a child/children in the first place?

 

True or not?

 

 

[Turboguy]

Dear Mods,

 

I have a little suggestion here.

 

Just wondering if it is feasible to start a sub folder here ~ perhaps under "others" dedicated to parenting?

There are lots of forums out there dedicated to parenting no doubt, most of which however are female dominated.

 

Males tend to feel awkward posting there and some may even be seen as chee ko peks, for camping in a female dominated environment.

 

This parenting folder can benefit the MCF community by offering a channel

 

- For experienced fathers to contribute their knowledge

- For would be fathers (like myself now) to learn from real life experiences instead of textbook examples

 

It is also an excellent channel to hear the muses, gripes, joys, trials, involvements, know-hows, mostly from a father/male's perspective.

 

Please consider, I'm pretty sure this enables fathers and would be fathers to build cohesion and supports the aims of developing healthy and resilient forumers through a community channel.

 

cheers

 

finally, a meaningful thread to read on

 

[Mason016]

 

Just to contribute my personal experience (dad of an almost 4 MO)

 

Wowwwww…super wan lan eh!!!! The initial frustration is outstanding indeed!!! Perhaps it really depends on your luck too.

 

Mine wakes up every 2 hours and it takes an hour to coax her back to sleep. We didn’t hire a confinement lady cos my wife doesn’t want to be nagged at.

This lasted for 2 months and thankfully, she is able to sleep thru the night now .. whew.

 

Next up, most guys are TOTATLY CLUELESS handling babies. Perhaps it’s just not our innate ability or maybe you have the fear of hurting “something” so fragile. And the antenatal classes didn’t benefit me at all. Its akin to trading a demo account vs. a real account.. lol… Not to worry thou, cos here comes the missus. To be flat out honest, I am surprised how well my wife adapts to handling the child, it totally exceeds my expectations and it amazed me. Trouble comes if the wife has little patience when the man seems helpless. You will get naggings here and there until you master at least level 6 (of 10) of that particular skill.

 

Back to the night feedings…. You really have to empathise with your wife. Initially, I was like, ok, so you are not working and hence why do I even have to wake up at night to feed??? And then if you happen to be on leave for just one day, I swear you will be enlightened on the popular quote “Mothers are the toughest occupation” Well, that may not apply to super patient guys or those that loves children in a I enjoy (don’t mind doesn’t count) coaxing and attending to an incessantly crying child kind of way. To share a little more about myself.. I always love cute babies and hands to heart, I really do love my daughter, and hence, I would have thought the parental patience will come naturally. Boy..was I SO wrong…As long as you have even a fractional tinge of self centeredness you will understand the agony of the child’s need before yours… And you don’t have a choice cos, well, its YOUR child!!! And that doesn’t help when my wife’s characteristics is exactly like mine.. So, we learn to compromise.

 

Next section is on parents, in laws and theories about babies.. Grandparents always love their grandchildren… that love is pure, touching, totally amazing and can never be doubted…. But it can get overly zealous. Different people have different ways of caring for a child. This can be learned from friends, media, self help books, forums, professionals and opinion leaders… Trouble comes when your wife’s way of handling the child differs with the grandparents… You guys can all argue that well, give and take and blab la blue… but trust me, you will only be fine if your wife is the totally submissive type.. else… muahahahhahahahaahha…

 

Going out with friends... Honestly, I don’t have too much of a problem with that cos we have a mutual agreement that we can take turns to go out or together collectively as a family. But vanity takes a back seat, literally… I have turned up in weddings with a milk stain blazer and now go out most of the time in a cap. Going to work in “tip top condition” is challenging and squirreling off to the gym during lunch breaks is the only way to maintain your physique. When you are at home, you will be slaving to the little one and at this point of time, I much enjoy being at work then at home the whole day… It sounds kind of contradicting cos you tend to miss your little one too but I guess having a bit of me time is still important. I don’t know about the rest of the guys but I am expecting that days at home will get better when the child can communicate.. No idea yet cos I haven’t reached that milestone.

 

My experience thus far has taught me that being pro active in sharing the burden is extremely important (both husband and wife). For example when my wife helps with the entire night feeding without being told, I will feel grateful and reciprocate for the next 2 days happily and willingly and that has a positive effect that is exponential. It is also good to communicate and work as a team in which whoever does what better does that more. One of the worst thing to do is trying to avoid duties (i.e. pretending to sleep when the baby cries at night) when one party finally get up, he/she will do so grudgingly and this in turn can lead to anger being vent on the poor child.

 

Still the same ole, ENJOY WHILE YOU STILL CAN bro !!!!! It isn’t easy, but it will eventually be gratifying.

 

+1 definitely agree.

 

Time, haha, time. Well you have to "buy" it lor.

 

I wake up at 4:30am to go run for one hour. I don't sleep until midnight as I spend quality time with both wife and daughter. It is only after my two ladies sleep, can I finally breathe (this went on until my daughter was old enough), but the habit of waking up early to run has stuck.

 

Come Saturday and Sunday morning, and if you can imagine a funny comic where you are sleeping in bed and promptly at 7am, your door flies open and your daughter runs in shouting "Yaaay!" and you are left wondering why she won't sleep more... lol

 

If you are time sensitive and a go-getter, then you will have to bite hard as you will find you will have little control of your time.

 

School can be taxing on you as well as some schools make huge demands on parental involvement so unless you outsource everything to tutors and your wife (chauffeur and /or teaching duties), you'd better buckle up as you will find that you have left the office only to be call to duty again at home.

 

Sounds like I'm complaining aren't I? Actually I'm not as I quite enjoyed those times, taxing as it was.

 

So I would say you can't really prepare yourself for it and the price for entry is both physical and emotional energy. The question you need to answer is whether you are willing to pay that price.

 

If you are, then I think it will go very well for you.

[IDrago]

 

Bro, I think the standfirst to your lengthy contribution should scream "Enjoy while you still can" - something I've heard more than once.

 

Do understand that parenting life is different, life is hell (as one contributor philosophically put it) and life is suffering without end.

 

Taking a step back however, why don't we emphasise on why we chose to be parents instead? Its a decision made out of choice instead of cohesion, surely that big picture justification is something we can focus on while going thru..... errr... hell?

 

Afterall, its either you wanna have kids or not, and since the answer is yes, then why does it sound like a life of purgatory henceforth.

 

Please bring me up to perspective everyone, while we are worn out by all these parenting duties, gripes are just forms of letting out steam/stress so that we can carry on right?

Because if you can envisage parenting as a chore, why choose to have a child/children in the first place?

 

True or not?

 

 

 

Bro, there are many different reasons people have kids... you have yours and I have mine.... it is a choice and isn't a chore, it may be enjoyable to you but definitely not for me at the moment.... it will EVENTUALLY be gratifying thou

 

You never know "the horrors" until you step into it... hence, the same ole ENJOY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!! ;-p

[Icebrush79]

 

+1 definitely agree.

 

Time, haha, time. Well you have to "buy" it lor.

 

I wake up at 4:30am to go run for one hour. I don't sleep until midnight as I spend quality time with both wife and daughter. It is only after my two ladies sleep, can I finally breathe (this went on until my daughter was old enough), but the habit of waking up early to run has stuck.

 

Come Saturday and Sunday morning, and if you can imagine a funny comic where you are sleeping in bed and promptly at 7am, your door flies open and your daughter runs in shouting "Yaaay!" and you are left wondering why she won't sleep more... lol

 

If you are time sensitive and a go-getter, then you will have to bite hard as you will find you will have little control of your time.

 

School can be taxing on you as well as some schools make huge demands on parental involvement so unless you outsource everything to tutors and your wife (chauffeur and /or teaching duties), you'd better buckle up as you will find that you have left the office only to be call to duty again at home.

 

Sounds like I'm complaining aren't I? Actually I'm not as I quite enjoyed those times, taxing as it was.

 

So I would say you can't really prepare yourself for it and the price for entry is both physical and emotional energy. The question you need to answer is whether you are willing to pay that price.

 

If you are, then I think it will go very well for you.

 

What's your opinion of (1) putting your kid "out in the open" vs (2) father and mother lock inside the room with the child most of the time?

 

By (1), I meant the kid is out in the living room, interacting with the usual noise level of the house, interacting with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc

 

vs (2), where the child is whisked into the room with minimal interaction apart from necessary ones like

- parent of child has to eat/bathe/shower, etc

- making milk (power) for the child, etc?

 

And the child is always in a quiet environment. Is that good? because sooner or later, he/she will have to adjust to the actual noise level of the house right?

 

I would prefer (1), so just wanna hear the opinions of fathers here.

 

 

[Mason016]

 

What's your opinion of (1) putting your kid "out in the open" vs (2) father and mother lock inside the room with the child most of the time?

 

By (1), I meant the kid is out in the living room, interacting with the usual noise level of the house, interacting with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc

 

vs (2), where the child is whisked into the room with minimal interaction apart from necessary ones like

- parent of child has to eat/bathe/shower, etc

- making milk (power) for the child, etc?

 

And the child is always in a quiet environment. Is that good? because sooner or later, he/she will have to adjust to the actual noise level of the house right?

 

I would prefer (1), so just wanna hear the opinions of fathers here.

 

 

 

My biased opinion. I'd say both (1) and (2). You want your child to develop social and interaction skills and at the same time, you also want to bond with your child as those are the times where you mold your child's character and morals plus lay down the emotional security that your kid needs, and this is something you do not want (1) to do on your behalf.

Edited October 10, 2014 by Mason016

[IDrago]

 

My biased opinion. I'd say both (1) and (2). You want your child to develop social and interaction skills and at the same time, you also want to bond with your child as those are the times where you mold your child's character and morals plus lay down the emotional security that your kid needs, and this is something you do not want (1) to do on your behalf.

 

I think what he is trying to ask is during the time where the child is a newborn to a couple of months old

[Mason016]

 

I think what he is trying to ask is during the time where the child is a newborn to a couple of months old

 

Ah, lol. I'd still do both.

[Sabian]

20 yr not enough lah. Now I think at least 25 yrs

 

25? Ok. I have daughters...

[Icebrush79]

 

Ah, lol. I'd still do both.

 

Ooh yes btw, what are the recommended insurance to get for the child? and the damage?

 

 

Bro, there are many different reasons people have kids... you have yours and I have mine.... it is a choice and isn't a chore, it may be enjoyable to you but definitely not for me at the moment.... it will EVENTUALLY be gratifying thou

 

You never know "the horrors" until you step into it... hence, the same ole ENJOY WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!! ;-p

 

Hahaha

 

The real horror is when you wanna have a child and realise that wifey can't conceive. Parenthood is a sooner or later thing for folks who want kids, isn't it?

 

Eg, washing your car is a tiring and arduous task, but would you rather be fortunate enough to afford and enjoy one despite having to maintain and upkeep it, or have no car at all?

 

And of course, you can choose to let groomers and petrol stations wash your car, but.... cheap petrol station washes comes with scratches, abuse and non thorough washes. Expensive groomers comes with... well expensive is quite self explanatory

Edited October 10, 2014 by Icebrush79

[Sabian]

 

What's your opinion of (1) putting your kid "out in the open" vs (2) father and mother lock inside the room with the child most of the time?

 

By (1), I meant the kid is out in the living room, interacting with the usual noise level of the house, interacting with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc

 

vs (2), where the child is whisked into the room with minimal interaction apart from necessary ones like

- parent of child has to eat/bathe/shower, etc

- making milk (power) for the child, etc?

 

And the child is always in a quiet environment. Is that good? because sooner or later, he/she will have to adjust to the actual noise level of the house right?

 

I would prefer (1), so just wanna hear the opinions of fathers here.

 

 

 

I prefer (1).

 

I grew up in such an environment, full of interaction and warmth.

 

I want my kid to experience love from their grandparents, even if I disagree with some of their methods, I believe in diversity for my kid.

 

But of course, during nap time, she goes back into the room. If she's awake, she's out.

[Icebrush79]

 

I prefer (1).

 

I grew up in such an environment, full of interaction and warmth.

 

I want my kid to experience love from their grandparents, even if I disagree with some of their methods, I believe in diversity for my kid.

 

But of course, during nap time, she goes back into the room. If she's awake, she's out.

 

I totally agree with you on the warmth and interaction part

 

 

[Rantwb]

 

What's your opinion of (1) putting your kid "out in the open" vs (2) father and mother lock inside the room with the child most of the time?

 

By (1), I meant the kid is out in the living room, interacting with the usual noise level of the house, interacting with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, etc

 

vs (2), where the child is whisked into the room with minimal interaction apart from necessary ones like

- parent of child has to eat/bathe/shower, etc

- making milk (power) for the child, etc?

 

And the child is always in a quiet environment. Is that good? because sooner or later, he/she will have to adjust to the actual noise level of the house right?

 

I would prefer (1), so just wanna hear the opinions of fathers here.

 

 

I feel it doesn't matter. The infant can adapt very quickly..

When confinement lady was around, the baby was carried whenever she cries. The little one soon got the hang of it.

When baby was back to our hands, we almost went crazy, baby cannot sleep unless carried for an hour.... Feed every 2 hours.... Cannot do housework, eat in peace, let alone sleep..... It was like a tag team match, wife and I vs The Baby... One rest, while the other handle the baby....

We decided to change strategy. After feed, leave the baby alone and let her cry if need be, after 2 days, the little one got used to it. Will fall asleep without having to carry to soothe. We kinda conditioned the baby to self-soothe.

 

The process was tough, she cried and yelled,

- We were so embarassed that we were creating a nuisance with the baby's constant crying.

- We didn't ignore the baby, we do check the diaper, check for sleeping position, check for rash, check for clear nose passageway, check for vomitting, check for snugness of swaddle.

- We did not ban carrying, just that we minimise carrying.

- Baby was sleeping with us, so could hear us and our conversations..... We do talk to the little one.

- Now better liao, can self-soothe, don't need to carry for an hour.

- It was tough, but we did it. Baby is 1.5 moths old.

- It was a finesse between being firm (disciplined, ignoring the yelling) and applying the appropriate care for the baby's needs

 

Good luck.

[Enye]

Can see many excited parent to be, and new parents here.

 

All I can say is every child is different. There is no bible to follow.

[Rantwb]

Can see many excited parent to be, and new parents here.

 

All I can say is every child is different. There is no bible to follow.

Agreed!

What method works for one, may not work for another.

Sharing helps!

[Othello]

most important is to be mentally prepared and tailor one's expectations. I think most guys quite ok one lah, cos we are by nature more relak. 1 kid still as per normal. 2 or more totally different story, really lack of personal time hence I really cherish my once a week night off

[Lala81]

Totally understand.

My girl has some sleep issues. Minimum 2-3 times/night will need to be comforted. My wife suckled her to sleep for almost 2 yrs. First 2 months was super jialat. Fall asleep at 3-4am type.

My wife still sleeps with my girl now. She sleeps on a dilam on the floor beside the bed. my girl sleep on a children bed.

 

My 1st one also no confinement. This time round getting one. Learnt our lesson.

 

Grandparents always got a lot of extra and traditional advice. Take them with a pinch of salt unless it really makes common sense.

 

 

Just to contribute my personal experience (dad of an almost 4 MO)

 

Wowwwww…super wan lan eh!!!! The initial frustration is outstanding indeed!!! Perhaps it really depends on your luck too.

 

Mine wakes up every 2 hours and it takes an hour to coax her back to sleep. We didn’t hire a confinement lady cos my wife doesn’t want to be nagged at.

This lasted for 2 months and thankfully, she is able to sleep thru the night now .. whew.

 

Next up, most guys are TOTATLY CLUELESS handling babies. Perhaps it’s just not our innate ability or maybe you have the fear of hurting “something” so fragile. And the antenatal classes didn’t benefit me at all. Its akin to trading a demo account vs. a real account.. lol… Not to worry thou, cos here comes the missus. To be flat out honest, I am surprised how well my wife adapts to handling the child, it totally exceeds my expectations and it amazed me. Trouble comes if the wife has little patience when the man seems helpless. You will get naggings here and there until you master at least level 6 (of 10) of that particular skill.

 

Back to the night feedings…. You really have to empathise with your wife. Initially, I was like, ok, so you are not working and hence why do I even have to wake up at night to feed??? And then if you happen to be on leave for just one day, I swear you will be enlightened on the popular quote “Mothers are the toughest occupation” Well, that may not apply to super patient guys or those that loves children in a I enjoy (don’t mind doesn’t count) coaxing and attending to an incessantly crying child kind of way. To share a little more about myself.. I always love cute babies and hands to heart, I really do love my daughter, and hence, I would have thought the parental patience will come naturally. Boy..was I SO wrong…As long as you have even a fractional tinge of self centeredness you will understand the agony of the child’s need before yours… And you don’t have a choice cos, well, its YOUR child!!! And that doesn’t help when my wife’s characteristics is exactly like mine.. So, we learn to compromise.

 

Next section is on parents, in laws and theories about babies.. Grandparents always love their grandchildren… that love is pure, touching, totally amazing and can never be doubted…. But it can get overly zealous. Different people have different ways of caring for a child. This can be learned from friends, media, self help books, forums, professionals and opinion leaders… Trouble comes when your wife’s way of handling the child differs with the grandparents… You guys can all argue that well, give and take and blab la blue… but trust me, you will only be fine if your wife is the totally submissive type.. else… muahahahhahahahaahha…

 

Going out with friends... Honestly, I don’t have too much of a problem with that cos we have a mutual agreement that we can take turns to go out or together collectively as a family. But vanity takes a back seat, literally… I have turned up in weddings with a milk stain blazer and now go out most of the time in a cap. Going to work in “tip top condition” is challenging and squirreling off to the gym during lunch breaks is the only way to maintain your physique. When you are at home, you will be slaving to the little one and at this point of time, I much enjoy being at work then at home the whole day… It sounds kind of contradicting cos you tend to miss your little one too but I guess having a bit of me time is still important. I don’t know about the rest of the guys but I am expecting that days at home will get better when the child can communicate.. No idea yet cos I haven’t reached that milestone.

 

My experience thus far has taught me that being pro active in sharing the burden is extremely important (both husband and wife). For example when my wife helps with the entire night feeding without being told, I will feel grateful and reciprocate for the next 2 days happily and willingly and that has a positive effect that is exponential. It is also good to communicate and work as a team in which whoever does what better does that more. One of the worst thing to do is trying to avoid duties (i.e. pretending to sleep when the baby cries at night) when one party finally get up, he/she will do so grudgingly and this in turn can lead to anger being vent on the poor child.

 

Still the same ole, ENJOY WHILE YOU STILL CAN bro !!!!! It isn’t easy, but it will eventually be gratifying.

 

Edited October 11, 2014 by Lala81