Cutting ties with parents

[Jman888]

Ask yourself this "will u not shed a single drop of tear if one of them die now". If so, feel free to do whatever u want. My mom just passed away last week. I'm still hating myself for not spending more time with her. Life is too short to live with regrets.

 

 

 

I hate to say this, everyone keep having such regrets yet many chose not to do anything before thing happen. I guess everyone is busy and assume and assume.

To TS,

 

If beggers can have the will to live

 

If blind people have the encourage to live

 

If a single mother have the determination to support 4 young kids single-handedly

 

I see no reason what so ever WHY you should give up on your parents.

 

i do not see any valiant effort from you or your husband except ranting, heck-care attitude and worst of all, trying to seek justisifcation for your decision in MCF.

 

My question to you now is......if your parents were to die now.

 

Will you shear a tear........if no........please shut the F up and do whatever u deem is correct. Stop wasting everybody's time.

 

 

 

I dun agree with this post, TS never seek justification, her life her story. Other also share their stories here, no one is here to judge nor scold when come to such matter.

[Ender]

I hate to say this, everyone keep having such regrets yet many chose not to do anything before thing happen. I guess everyone is busy and assume and assume.

That's why business business dealing with posthumous filial piety are still strong..

[Freestylers09]

sometimes we cant understand coz we not in the shoe

 

till it happens, then we will know why people react this way

 

i seen some scenarios before and sometimes understand why children can bo chup their parents..

[Tigerwoods]

Pwah ! I'm glad many here are filial chidlren.

 

If I were to choose between Money and Family, I will only choose the latter.

 

Money can make it back,

Family - need to move mountains to patch back.

[Hiphiphoray]

My examples i cited are very real and around us.

 

Do they have a choice ? No.

 

Does TS have a choice ? Yes

 

My answer to her is very simple.............one have to thrive to make things happen.

 

If everything is impossible, how do we touch the moon ? How do we touch the deepest ocean ?

 

Whether she has put in enough effort or not ? Unless she let us know what she has done so far, and let us advise her.

 

Orelse the "save the long story", "she knows better" is just a perception that she think its right........she might be wrong all along and worst still she doesnt even know it. I dont know. You dont know.....then what is there to justified ?

 

Like what NS soldier will say. You think he think everybody thinks.....then who confirm ? lollllll.

 

 

I hate to say this, everyone keep having such regrets yet many chose not to do anything before thing happen. I guess everyone is busy and assume and assume.


I dun agree with this post, TS never seek justification, her life her story. Other also share their stories here, no one is here to judge nor scold when come to such matter.

 

Edited April 29, 2014 by Hiphiphoray

[Carnoob]

My examples i cited are very real and around us.

 

Do they have a choice ? No.

 

Does TS have a choice ? Yes

 

My answer to her is very simple.............one have to thrive to make things happen.

 

If everything is impossible, how do we touch the moon ? How do we touch the deepest ocean ?

 

Whether she has put in enough effort or not ? Unless she let us know what she has done so far, and let us advise her.

 

Orelse the "save the long story", "she knows better" is just a perception that she think its right........she might be wrong all along and worst still she doesnt even know it. I dont know. You dont know.....then what is there to justified ?

 

Like what NS soldier will say. You think he think everybody thinks.....then who confirm ? lollllll.

To be fair, we have not really touch the moon (US seems to have landed but they can't replicate the success so I'm doubtful that they even got close to the moon) and we don't even have the ability to go down to the deepest ocean.

 

If TS thinks she's right, it is already her choice. Everyone has their judgement / perception, it can be right it can be wrong.

 

The best counselor will tell you, it not an advise that served best... It is for TS to think through her actions to decide on her best solution.

 

空穴来风,未必无因 - Where there's smoke, there's fire.

 

Just listen and share our story, we can't re-write the story of hers. Eventually, Her Life Her Choice...

[Jellandross]

it may not sound politically-correct or socially acceptable but in reality, there are parents and grandparents who are the bane in the family. due to their toxic personalities, they cascade negativity down to the children and grand children causing great disharmony in the direct and extended family. but in our culture, i guess it's not socially acceptable to point out the elders' faults and if you do, you generally get condemnation all around from the more traditional folks. i personally don't believe in blind compassion to the elders as it'll just reinforce and encourage further negativity. eg. giving more money to a gambling addict will not solve the problem. acceding and ignoring verbal/physical abusive behavior from the elders will only perpetuate the suffering for everyone. i guess you got to be smart and yet not extreme in dealing with such situations.

 

for TS' case, a more balanced approach can be just to stop all forms of direct communications with the parents for the short term, maybe a few months to a year. when everyone is still emotional, any further talk will only go towards the negative rather than the positive. when everyone stops talking, there will be more room to self reflect and think about what's right (and wrong). after you feel that things have cooled down, you can judge for yourself whether to re-establish communications and attempt to normalize the relationship. jumping straight to the extreme of "forgive and forget" when everyone is still emotional sounds like the right thing to do but it's practically impossible. the other extreme of cutting ties your parents will also leave you with zero back out plan. as with dealing with everything in life, don't ever get yourself into a situation where you do not have a back out plan.

 

hope things will eventually work out harmoniously for you TS.

 

Edited April 30, 2014 by Jellandross

[Oblong]

Here's a graduation speech by Clayton Christensen and some extracts.

http://www.anthonyandrew.com/executive_brief.htm

 

When people ask what I think they should do, I rarely answer their question directly. Instead, I run the question aloud through one of my models. I'll describe how the process in the model worked its way through an industry quite different from their own. And then, more often than not, they’ll say, “OK, I get it.” And they'll answer their own question more insightfully than I could have.

..

Doing deals doesn’t yield the deep rewards that come from building up people.

..

When we see people acting in an abusive, arrogant, or demeaning manner toward others, their behavior almost always is a symptom of their lack of self-esteem. They need to put someone else down to feel good about themselves.

 

And hence, ultimately, what's the purpose in life?

I guess figure out your own purpose in life, and take responsibility accordingly.

[Yusld]

Thanks friends, many friends inputting sensible comments and some just whacked me because they did not felt the pain I suffered.

 

At the end of the day, on one side of the picture, 11 out of 10 will pour the shit on me but I take it. No one will know why I started up this topic.

 

 

Just close it, and the conclusion was, me and husband gave them a lump sum of money, and decide not to visit them, not to contact them, not to know anything about them............. and just move on!!!

 

============== CLOSED ===============

[Guswjdd00]

To be honest I feel you. I just wanted to voice out, that most of the kids that wanted to disown their surname disown their parents had gone through enormous turmoil. Don’t say those jerks who just anyhow do. But to be cruel enough to just disown us hard on them and they had already multiple thoughts of doing it. 
 

me too I wanted to disown. Can you believe there are actually mothers that abuse their child? People will say aiya she’s your mom after all I am a mom so I can say your mom loves you. Don’t think so much etc etc.

 

the irony is that because you believe that a mom would naturally love their own children so you question yourself and hate yourself for making this decision. It hurts to be honest. It’s never an easy decision. Mental abuse physical abuse from young. Yeah can forgive. But who can erase those traumatic part in their childhood?