Cutting ties with parents

[Baal]

I never had guessed it, seem you hit close to the spot as TS praises your post.

 

On this, maybe parents felt that if they didn't sell then but sell around this time, the excess could have become their retirement funds. Could be approaching 1 full fold asset enhancement?

 

In this case, if TS did sell, all parties want a share.

If TS has yet to sell, then there is mounting pressure to do so? Usually family squabbles all stem from $.

 

I would support what Camryton mentioned. Take time off but still remit financial support. By doing this, TS would be also providing a route to do a U-turn as/when/should the day comes.

 

Letting others off is also letting youself off. ( from Chinese proverb)

 

====================================================

 

OT abit, recall the samsui woman incident that......later it was clarified the family resided in a Condo? Hence, some were going money was not the issue...etc. Actually I think the converse is true......

 

Lower income's prob is self explanatory. As for Middle income & above, regrettably Taiji ing amongst the siblings occurs more often than it should. To many aged parents, 1 of the most painful things is to watch their off springs squabbling.

 

Edited April 28, 2014 by Baal

[Watwheels]

Actually I know where TS is coming from. Both my parents come from big families. Sibling rivalry and not able to get along with parents are very common. From them I learned that ppl close to you can also hurt you the most. And when it comes to money issue the 5cent coin is bigger dan the singapore flyer. LoL...

 

Sometimes I feel that having a friend is better dan having any relatives at all.

 

As for TS I hope your final decision allows you to find peace in your heart. Morally right or wrong...dun judge yourself too hard. Wish you the best of luck.

[comegetme]

TS should bring whole family to City Harvest Church...

[Mockngbrd]

I say go for it. it's your life.

[Dojon]

吵架留一线，他日好相见。 Dun burn the bridge.

[Carnoob]

First and foremost, talking money will always hurt any relationships like friendship, kinship, love etc... Never ever entangle money in relationships... even the richest man will have family issues when comes to money (endless cases of fighting for inheritance)...

 

Legally, there is no disowning of your parents, even if you published in newspapers they are still your parents legally. Legally, there is no resolution and TS doesn't believe in counselling then 3rd option is to ignore like your hubby suggested.

 

I almost did what Yeshe had suggested, buying flat from parents (worse buying from parents-in-law)... Initially I thought they would have difficulty paying it so I volunteered to "buy over" but wifey decided against it... now I understand... And wifey helped his dad to buy shares but then her dad started grumbling about the money, bla bla bla... so in the end we "buy over" the shares.

 

So far so good still in good relations. Even for myself, my dad stays with us but never in argument over money. From their POV, if I had bought over their flat e.g. no COV bought at valuation price at some point in time they will feel sore because they could have got more "retirement fees" if they had sold in open market.

 

And if they are staying with my siblings instead of me, they will feel more sore... they sold the flat to me but it is my siblings taking care of them... Did I ever let them stay with me weekly, monthly? Did I ever consider bringing them out for holidays? If it is beyond my means, did I ever discuss with my siblings to "sponsor" them for overseas tour?

 

Parents talk about money because it is the only language they know, they were never taught how to be "good" parents, they were never "taught" how to communicate with love... We are the lucky ones to have education and knowledge to learn how to be good parents.

 

2 words - "Forgive, Forget" They are also humans, we feel sore or regret about some things so will they... it is how we address the issue not the relation. Old people tend to nag a lot...

 

Everyone has a story, a story that may be sad... But the ending of a story, can be good or bad

 

Change the history we can't but give a happy finale we can... Your choice your life...

[Myxilplix]

It's your life TS, nobody can tell you how to live it.

 

Go for it if you think you want to or maybe you just need to take a break from them. Everyone has their limits and some time off might be good for everybody.

[Solar]

Actually I know where TS is coming from. Both my parents come from big families. Sibling rivalry and not able to get along with parents are very common. From them I learned that ppl close to you can also hurt you the most. And when it comes to money issue the 5cent coin is bigger dan the singapore flyer. LoL...

 

Sometimes I feel that having a friend is better dan having any relatives at all.

 

As for TS I hope your final decision allows you to find peace in your heart. Morally right or wrong...dun judge yourself too hard. Wish you the best of luck.

Ya.. some time ago I also had money issue with a relative..supposedly very close to us until one day we asked it back.

All the pattern and problems come out.

 

Eventually it got somewhat resolved, but this kind of thing people remembers..

Rule of thumb, never ever get involved with monetary matters, property, etc.

[Kezg1]

Ts, they bring u to this world.

U hv to accept the fact and u owe them to what u have right now.

May it be education or family love.

 

If money can settle, try to tolorate n give them extra N keep a distance from them for the being since u have 3 sibling staying with them.

 

 

iirc... there is a saying "you will never be able to repay your parents no matter how much you give them"....was it Confucious?....but I glad that me n my sibs luv our parents..

[Kezg1]

Ts, they bring u to this world.

U hv to accept the fact and u owe them to what u have right now.

May it be education or family love.

 

If money can settle, try to tolorate n give them extra N keep a distance from them for the being since u have 3 sibling staying with them.

 

 

deleted double post...

Edited April 28, 2014 by Kezg1

[Kezg1]

First and foremost, talking money will always hurt any relationships like friendship, kinship, love etc... Never ever entangle money in relationships... even the richest man will have family issues when comes to money (endless cases of fighting for inheritance)...

 

Legally, there is no disowning of your parents, even if you published in newspapers they are still your parents legally. Legally, there is no resolution and TS doesn't believe in counselling then 3rd option is to ignore like your hubby suggested.

 

I almost did what Yeshe had suggested, buying flat from parents (worse buying from parents-in-law)... Initially I thought they would have difficulty paying it so I volunteered to "buy over" but wifey decided against it... now I understand... And wifey helped his dad to buy shares but then her dad started grumbling about the money, bla bla bla... so in the end we "buy over" the shares.

 

So far so good still in good relations. Even for myself, my dad stays with us but never in argument over money. From their POV, if I had bought over their flat e.g. no COV bought at valuation price at some point in time they will feel sore because they could have got more "retirement fees" if they had sold in open market.

 

And if they are staying with my siblings instead of me, they will feel more sore... they sold the flat to me but it is my siblings taking care of them... Did I ever let them stay with me weekly, monthly? Did I ever consider bringing them out for holidays? If it is beyond my means, did I ever discuss with my siblings to "sponsor" them for overseas tour?

 

Parents talk about money because it is the only language they know, they were never taught how to be "good" parents, they were never "taught" how to communicate with love... We are the lucky ones to have education and knowledge to learn how to be good parents.

 

2 words - "Forgive, Forget" They are also humans, we feel sore or regret about some things so will they... it is how we address the issue not the relation. Old people tend to nag a lot...

 

Everyone has a story, a story that may be sad... But the ending of a story, can be good or bad

 

Change the history we can't but give a happy finale we can... Your choice your life...

 

 

Can see that you are the more open minded type of person..and how very true are those that you have mentioned...all becoz of $$...sigh

[Vega]

 

Mr Ham is right. Why must I turn to friends or lawyer before i know any procedures. Forum is fantastic, when I seek for advise here, no one knows me....... Many sensible reply, that is nice to see.

 

I know someone might "anti" this topic, like I said, this never happen to you, you won't feel the pain. Or must I say, I don't have a happy family like you .

 

 

Agreed. unless someone here live thru the horror you have been thru, they will not understand why you think this way, esp those that come from a happy family.

[Carnoob]

I would say I'm more contented or seen much more... Let me share...

 

My mom came from a family with 13 siblings... And my dad came from a family with 3 moms (yes, I have 3 grandmothers)...

 

From my dad, grandpapa used to be rich with a factory thus married 3 wives... but then factory burnt down and he is still stuck with 3 wives... my dad being the oldest in the family had to quit school to support the large family and "unfortunately" my mom married him and shouldered the family with him... She is never happy, the money earned is always given to my father's siblings for their studies... even as I was born... mom was never willing to give but she kept quiet. Since my birth, they were fighting over money... it got worse when I was older because all my dad's siblings had started working but none visited us or "paid" us back for the "invested" money on them. Mom scolded dad "stupid" every time but dad just keep quiet and kept to himself... I saw and I thought mom was right, and never liked my dad... So was dad really wrong? Not really, he did what he needs to do... Mom did what is right for our own family... But they never agreed even when mom passed on...

 

From my mom, she has 13 siblings and worse the family is not well off... they lived off island, everyone came out to work at a young age like 18 years old until the gov took over the island. She was not educated but the youngest child from the 13 got the best of all... Ok to cut story short, the youngest cheated his own brother causing him to go in debts. And the youngest also got the flat of the parents, sold it and never shared a single cent from the sale. And the 13 siblings almost split because of him... So did the parents favoured the youngest? looks like but never knew that they were also cheated by the youngest...

 

Money is the root of all evils, be contented and the evils cannot root in the heart...

 

Did I fear marriage? Yes, I did. Have I bear grudges against my parents? Yes I have. Am I worse off? Nope, I'm happily married with 2 kids and my dad staying with us. Are these the worse you had gone through? Well, the answer is no but the worst cannot be shared...

 

Life is full of upz and downz, like my ECG readings... if it goes flat, I'm already dead...

 

Everyday is about choices we made that lead us to the next chapter... Your Life, Your Choice...

[Carnoob]

Dun engulf in self pity... thinking that I had met the worst parents, worst family, worst friends etc... but it is I who had chosen to judge them as the worst. They may not be...

 

In Korea, father starved the kid to death while he plays video games... http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/south-korea-video-game-addict-3420338

 

In Philippines, father raped his nine-months old baby gal... http://www.philstar.com/nation/2014/02/28/1295211/9-month-old-baby-girl-raped-pa

 

The above 2 are bad parenting... did I suffer worse than the child? If I had, I will definitely disowned them, get them arrested and thrown to jail.

Edited April 28, 2014 by Carnoob

[Canceria]

Ask yourself this "will u not shed a single drop of tear if one of them die now". If so, feel free to do whatever u want. My mom just passed away last week. I'm still hating myself for not spending more time with her. Life is too short to live with regrets.

 

The topic sounds unfilial but tolerance hit my limit. Not gonna type millions of words but my parents is too much, hit my nerves and I decide to end ties with them. Demanding for money, insulting and nothing can save this relationship any more. Even my hubby told me, just ignore them, no need to do anything but as far as my concern, I will want to cut off with them legally.

 

 

any friends have any advise? No flaming please , I labeled myself " unfilial " then............ Let me know the procedure, anyone?Thanks

[Thaiyotakamli]

Ya.. some time ago I also had money issue with a relative..supposedly very close to us until one day we asked it back.

All the pattern and problems come out.

 

Eventually it got somewhat resolved, but this kind of thing people remembers..

Rule of thumb, never ever get involved with monetary matters, property, etc.

This is super true my mother and her sister when had miney issue end up quarrel and all the problems back to 5-10 years all come out one.

 

Then after that don't call each other, don't talk to each other until few months later when meet again on occasions, then one of the start to talk again. Talk talk talk until onw day got issue and the cycle come back

[Darthrevan]

Legally, there is no disowning of your parents, even if you published in newspapers they are still your parents legally. Legally, there is no resolution and TS doesn't believe in counselling then 3rd option is to ignore like your hubby suggested.

 

this is true in Sinkapor..even if one disowns the parents still have to support them financially..its all listed in the Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007

 

the best way is "disown" them is to ignore them & keep contact to the utmost bare minimum..probably in the tune of letting your spawn meet them once a year

[Hiphiphoray]

To TS,

 

If beggers can have the will to live

 

If blind people have the encourage to live

 

If a single mother have the determination to support 4 young kids single-handedly

 

I see no reason what so ever WHY you should give up on your parents.

 

i do not see any valiant effort from you or your husband except ranting, heck-care attitude and worst of all, trying to seek justisifcation for your decision in MCF.

 

My question to you now is......if your parents were to die now.

 

Will you shear a tear........if no........please shut the F up and do whatever u deem is correct. Stop wasting everybody's time.