Cutting ties with parents

[Hamburger]

not judging and not speculating what kind of hurt your parents have inflicted on you.

 

But would you want your children to abandon you one day, be it right or wrong? Think from a parent's perspective and try not to judge them from yours.

 

Like i said before, take up the courage and go for counselling. The counseller will help you to discover answers you would want to know from the inner you.

 

Counseller may recommend a group session which is a very powerful tool to resolve the matter. Do not underestimate what it could do.

 

Heel.....cheers

[Yusld]

not judging and not speculating what kind of hurt your parents have inflicted on you.

 

But would you want your children to abandon you one day, be it right or wrong? Think from a parent's perspective and try not to judge them from yours.

 

Like i said before, take up the courage and go for counselling. The counseller will help you to discover answers you would want to know from the inner you.

 

Counseller may recommend a group session which is a very powerful tool to resolve the matter. Do not underestimate what it could do.

 

Heel.....cheers

 

Mr Ham

appreciate. Of course I will not want my kids to abandon me one day. But I will not do what my parents did to me also. Conclusion, I already labeled myself unfilial, I just want them to stay far far away from me, do not disturb me , let me live happily and peacefully with my own family.

 

 

I am sorry to speak the truth ,no offense , I don't ( never ) believe in counseling.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Yusld

[Ddqwerty]

I feel for TS, I understand and sympathize with her situation too.

 

My gf has been having a lot of trouble with her father and it is affecting her quite badly.. we also had thoughts of cutting ties or contact with him when we get married, but I am worried of backlash or the likes aimed at my gf cos of her thoughts. Im also hoping there's a solution to our troubles.

 

but I just feel TS needs to know that society generally will condemn such things and her family might get mental bashings. hope you'll find a solution to your problems soon

[Evillusion]

Thanks for all above comments...... it really helps a lot. I read it with tears. Let me single out and clarify a few things in here.

 

- I am average , not rich not poor.

- They are in late 60s. 3 more siblings staying with them. Well off, total income of three siblings adding up around 170k per annum.

- Tolerance is Zero now, what had happen? Money, Money and Money. Will parents Sue their kids? Not wanting to emphasize more on this. Touch my heart and say...................... Legally or Personally, I did no wrong. As why I am so upset and decide to call it a day..... ????? They hurting me , I feel no longer have love from this kinship.

- I don't really know how to express to the extreme, but, I am lost! I just wana have a peaceful life with my husband and kids.

 

 

Any suggestions?

Best is a time-out. I did that when i just became a father......not a word from me and not even a visit....only during the most important day of the year then i go but oni for a while. Never disown your parents....u can chose not to visit them giving excuses as busy or anything....but never utter those words!

[Xanavi]

Then, can you think of a good reason why TS needs to cut all ties with the persons who bring her to this earth?

Yes I can as a matter of fact. But what u were asking is some how too far fetched. So much that I felt u were making fun of TS.

[Hamburger]

 

 

I am sorry to speak the truth ,no offense , I don't ( never ) believe in counseling.

 

No offence there of course, we as fellow human being are there to offer help.

 

just for illustration, i like you, do not believe in counselling as I believe they are craps and only for the weaklings who cant have their own thoughts.

 

I was wrong. There was once where i went for a small group workshop for married couples for the fun of it. I was so surprised at the things i had discovered that was untold and would never imagine it had such impact on me.

 

i now have learn to appreciate my spouse much more and i truly believe such counselling are very useful for you and your parents.

[Kingkong]

Yes I can as a matter of fact. But what u were asking is some how too far fetched. So much that I felt u were making fun of TS.

In that case, we're all living in a very fun world, cos there're many far fetched events that are happening everywhere round the world, every moment.

[Hamburger]

let me take this opportunity to reiterate one thing,

 

many has the misconception of counselling (me included, of course) that one goes there to seek advice and learn from counseller what to do.

 

No, that is so wrong.

 

Counsellers do not tell you what to do but helps you to unsolve and decide what you really want from inside of you.

[Voodooman]

I don't know you nor can claim to understand the situation you are in and who is right and who is wrong in the relationship.

 

But why make it all legal when you can achieve the same outcome unilaterally, unless you are all out to spite them for what they have done to you. If that is the case, it may not be a good enough reason to do this.

 

If you are worried about the maintenance of Parents Act, it isn't going to bankrupt you, so why disown your parents for so little money?

Edited April 26, 2014 by Voodooman

[Gitanic]

Thanks for all above comments...... it really helps a lot. I read it with tears. Let me single out and clarify a few things in here.

 

- I am average , not rich not poor.

- They are in late 60s. 3 more siblings staying with them. Well off, total income of three siblings adding up around 170k per annum.

- Tolerance is Zero now, what had happen? Money, Money and Money. Will parents Sue their kids? Not wanting to emphasize more on this. Touch my heart and say...................... Legally or Personally, I did no wrong. As why I am so upset and decide to call it a day..... ????? They hurting me , I feel no longer have love from this kinship.

- I don't really know how to express to the extreme, but, I am lost! I just wana have a peaceful life with my husband and kids.

 

 

Any suggestions?

well in that case just get a simple court order to exclude them out of your life just as what Jman said.

 

disown even if possible wont get to anywhere.

 

just like unrelated Ah Longs can harass you too.

if you need to sort out the relationship with your parents, I believe you know where to

go, just a matter how open are you.

 

I believe there is no law to disown, just print on all major newspaper in Singapore or even Malaysia (if there is any relative concern are staying there). If you dun wish them to disturb you, you can apply for court injunction for them to come close to you.

 

[Ktglfc]

TS, I think everyone here is offering you same advices , but only you and your hubby know the exact situation you are in now.

 

When don't you guys go away for awhile and cool down first?. Think abt the whole situation again, and whether you could salvage the relationship again with your parents. Have you pour out your feelings to them, telling them how you felt and how you feel so dejected and ganna corner to the extent that you want to break off with them.

 

Lastly if all else fail, discuss with your 3 siblings. Seeking their advices and in-principle approval, afterall they are still your siblings.

 

Then, consult lawyer. They will advise you on the procedures.

Do remember: this will be the extreme, and there will no U-turn upon this path.

 

I wish you all the best and calmness.

 

As the saying goes, a good judge always have difficulty passing judgement on family matters, it's down to you to untie all the knots.

[LoneCatFish]

If Ah Longs harass you, at least you can report police; parent harasses, nothing much you can do, unless you migrate and don't let them find you.

We are not going to talk about who's right, who's wrong, what's the hidden issue.

May be you want to take a step back, calm down, put aside the emotional anger, and look at it from logical point of view. No insult to any parents, just some logical analysis.

Your parent probably wants to get something out of you, may be money, but they can't rob you by force, they can't kidnap your kids to ask for ransom, so they try to irritate you, insult you, and try to stress you out mentally, hopping that you will eventually give up and give them what they want.

 

Other possible reason could be your parents are having some psychological issue, and this is common among the elderly. For some reason, they are bored, and trying to seek attention by portraying their children are unfilial so they are pitied by their friends, and somehow, they enjoy it.

Or maybe your parents are simply enjoying torturing someone mentally. It may sound ridiculous but we often see some people simply like doing that, and what makes our parents different, parents are just another two human beings after all.

Whatever it is, if you are mentally stressed, they have achieved their objective, that’s what they want it to happen on you. In their mind, it simply translates to “LOTS OF FUN” when they see you get stressed.

Just ignore them, let them know that you are TOTALLY NOT AFFECTED by their harassment and insult. They may even try harder initially, but eventually, once they find that it’s “NO FUN” doing nonsense to you, they will eventually got tired and give up, and probably pick the next victim in the family to continue their fun.

All they can do is verbal abuse and try to mental stress you. If they are crazy enough to do something physically hurting to you or your family, it will become criminal case, then you can take the police route. If you are harsh, many drastic actions can be done on them legally once it becomes criminal case.

Do not do anything abrupt like try to disown them by publishing on newspaper, etc, or anything that publicize the matter, this only shows you are suffering, and simply reinforce their “FUN FACTOR”. It will encourage them to continue the nonsense.

Any emotional act is going to make it "MORE FUN" for them. Remember, the objective is to know their "FUN POINT", and kill their "FUN".

 

Edited April 26, 2014 by LoneCatFish

[Yusld]

I don't know you nor can claim to understand the situation you are in and who is right and who is wrong in the relationship.

 

But why make it all legal when you can achieve the same outcome unilaterally, unless you are all out to spite them for what they have done to you. If that is the case, it may not be a good enough reason to do this.

 

If you are worried about the maintenance of Parents Act, it isn't going to bankrupt you, so why disown your parents for so little money?

 

Nothing to do with maintenance fr your info

 

I am willing to pay for their maintenance even though, but just want to legally cutting off with them. Thanks for all inputs, I felt it! Only people come across my situation will understand. Those happy family will not feel the frustration......

 

 

 

and....... after reading all the above, all very sensible inputs, I decide it this way. Pay them monthly allowances that I can afford, never visit them, never answer their calls ........... this is the last resort.

 

 

Vex and upset. Nothing to do with the topic, but just want to say, I had lost 9 kg in a month.

Edited April 26, 2014 by Yusld

[Icedbs]

Thanks for all above comments...... it really helps a lot. I read it with tears. Let me single out and clarify a few things in here.

 

- I am average , not rich not poor.

- They are in late 60s. 3 more siblings staying with them. Well off, total income of three siblings adding up around 170k per annum.

- Tolerance is Zero now, what had happen? Money, Money and Money. Will parents Sue their kids? Not wanting to emphasize more on this. Touch my heart and say...................... Legally or Personally, I did no wrong. As why I am so upset and decide to call it a day..... ????? They hurting me , I feel no longer have love from this kinship.

- I don't really know how to express to the extreme, but, I am lost! I just wana have a peaceful life with my husband and kids.

 

 

Any suggestions?

 

Umm..you know..you are very confused. Why?

 

1) Even if you can legally disown them, there is no guarantee they won't contact you, won't look for you,won't bother you etc.....

 

2) And if you say that you have ways to avoid them once you disown them, then just do that now.........disown them for what?

 

My point is that the "legality" part of it has no bearing towards giving you that peaceful life.

 

 

 

 

[Little_prince]

 

One sing one clap........... One bad man one act as nice lady. The entire Drama is well directed.... Too bad I know their tricks.

 

sounds like the misunderstanding runs very deep.

 

probably didn't happen over night.

 

I wish u the best. nothing outsiders like us can help with family matters.

 

清官难盘家务事

[Yeshe]

Thanks for all above comments...... it really helps a lot. I read it with tears. Let me single out and clarify a few things in here.

 

- I am average , not rich not poor.

- They are in late 60s. 3 more siblings staying with them. Well off, total income of three siblings adding up around 170k per annum.

- Tolerance is Zero now, what had happen? Money, Money and Money. Will parents Sue their kids? Not wanting to emphasize more on this. Touch my heart and say...................... Legally or Personally, I did no wrong. As why I am so upset and decide to call it a day..... ????? They hurting me , I feel no longer have love from this kinship.

- I don't really know how to express to the extreme, but, I am lost! I just wana have a peaceful life with my husband and kids.

 

 

Any suggestions?

 

3 siblings staying with parents contributing to their daily expenses still have $$$ problems?

you probably give a token of appreciation every months to your parents and i dun understand why its about $$$.

 

No matter wat, THEY are your parents.

Honor them.

[Yusld]

 

3 siblings staying with parents contributing to their daily expenses still have $$$ problems?

you probably give a token of appreciation every months to your parents and i dun understand why its about $$$.

 

No matter wat, THEY are your parents.

Honor them.

 

Yes, complicated, very complicated. No points I just start a topic for fun............. But , just upset. Nothing more I can say!

[Gitanic]

 

Nothing to do with maintenance fr your info

 

I am willing to pay for their maintenance even though, but just want to legally cutting off with them. Thanks for all inputs, I felt it! Only people come across my situation will understand. Those happy family will not feel the frustration......

 

 

 

and....... after reading all the above, all very sensible inputs, I decide it this way. Pay them monthly allowances that I can afford, never visit them, never answer their calls ........... this is the last resort.

 

 

Vex and upset. Nothing to do with the topic, but just want to say, I had lost 9 kg in a month.

could it be you the one who is sick?

 

how about go to Woofers Wu for a make-over then tell them you not their daughter?

 

 

 

jk