Any regrets in your life?

[Philipkee]

http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

 

REGRETS OF THE DYING

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Based on this article, Bronnie has now released a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. It is a memoir of her own life and how it was transformed through the regrets of the dying people she cared for. This inspiring book is available internationally through Hay House.

Sometimes, I do feel my life is slipping me by and I just wanna quit my job and live

[Watwheels]

LoL...unless ppl strike Toto dan they will have different or no regrets.

 

The average person have no choice but to work hard to pay off bills. Unless you have got no family to feed maybe dan you can just quit your job and live life however you want. But in reality for money sake to pay bills ppl have little choice to choose from.

 

Writing a book about the average man's misery is not exactly what I want to read and know now. Haha... Actually after reading it I think most ppl will be more miserable coz most likely they will go thru the same thing.

[Baal]

I just rejected a promotion recently for work life balance. So that I dun need to bring work home, can rest 30 mins, then seat with kids watching cartoons, reading storybooks. Then I lie with them patting them to sleep.

 

As for happiness, I am not that mentally resilient, hence I don't want to overstretch myself either.

 

Amongst the above raised, I'm guilty of not maintaining contact w friends.

 

Hence, I have more or less accepted that for cars, my best bet will be renew full coe. Else revert to 2 wheels.(with an engine)

[Toothiewabbit]

 

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

Brings to mind a friend who spent his last weeks seeking out all his past and present friends and loved ones just to bid farewells and leave parting words.

Edited November 28, 2013 by Toothiewabbit

[Knoobie]

Brings to mind a friend who spent his last weeks seeking out all his past and present friends and loved ones just to bid farewells and leave parting words.

must be a heavy heart to be meeting him under such circumstances...

[Toothiewabbit]

must be a heavy heart to be meeting him under such circumstances...

You're right. Words cannot express the gamut of emotions we all had meeting him.

[Vid]

Not many people can leave this world without regrets. There will be mistakes along the way which we hope never happened. I know I have... haiz... regret

[Kangadrool]

I just rejected a promotion recently for work life balance. So that I dun need to bring work home, can rest 30 mins, then seat with kids watching cartoons, reading storybooks. Then I lie with them patting them to sleep.

 

As for happiness, I am not that mentally resilient, hence I don't want to overstretch myself either.

 

Amongst the above raised, I'm guilty of not maintaining contact w friends.

 

Hence, I have more or less accepted that for cars, my best bet will be renew full coe. Else revert to 2 wheels.(with an engine)

Not all promotions are bad. For senior management post, it's mostly auto-pilot (aka cho bo lan). Quite relax de. But most people will need to go through supervisory and middle management position (which sucks) first before senior management post.

Edited November 28, 2013 by Kangadrool

[RadX]

Not many people can leave this world without regrets. There will be mistakes along the way which we hope never happened. I know I have... haiz... regret

 

 

for me, as i have already almost met my maker, i have had all mo reconciliations and past buried. I am ready to go anytime, without regrets!

 

you only live life once and for me, is about living life

[Porker]

 

 

for me, as i have already almost met my maker, i have had all mo reconciliations and past buried. I am ready to go anytime, without regrets!

 

you only live life once and for me, is about living life

 

Please give me your 5er when you go. I will sell for cash. I assume your loan quantum is low.

 

When are you going btw? :p

[RadX]

 

Please give me your 5er when you go. I will sell for cash. I assume your loan quantum is low.

 

When are you going btw? :p

 

wa lau...u hv yam3 n wan my cheep 5.....

 

i whatsapp upstair then let u know? loan??? eh u no hear the cliche here hor......full cash

[Myxilplix]

Regrets? No major ones that i'd get sulky about before I die. You can gimme 5 minutes left to live and it'll be cool, enough time to have a smoke and say a quick goodbye to my parents. In fact I usually say a quick, silent goodbye to my parents every time before my plane takes off just in case, then I turn around and try to get to sleep.

 

Minor ones yeah lah. Should not have broken up with one girl, should have tried my luck with another girl etc etc. Those types of regrets.

 

RadX previously started a thread about life and what it all means.

[Baal]

Not all promotions are bad. For senior management post, it's mostly auto-pilot (aka cho bo lan). Quite relax de. But most people will need to go through supervisory and middle management position (which sucks) first before senior management post.

Exactly. 1 must be able to tahan to the breakpoint then will get easier & easier while $ gets more & more.

 

Doubt I can survive the supervisor/middle mgr part. oh well. Unless they make me an offer I cant refuse. But I doubt it.

[Karu]

There's definitely be regrets when your time is up. If u ask me, I do have regrets now. But mulling over them does not help regardless of whether your time is up. Think when it's almost time, you have to let go of whatever misgiving or regrets & focus on what's important. Be at peace with yourself...

 

But then again, I'm not sure whether I can say the same for myself when the time comes. I hope it to be swift & painless emotionally & physically...

Exactly. 1 must be able to tahan to the breakpoint then will get easier & easier while $ gets more & more.

 

Doubt I can survive the supervisor/middle mgr part. oh well. Unless they make me an offer I cant refuse. But I doubt it.

 

True... nothing is free in this world. With promotion comes money, with money comes more responsibilities & arrows.

[Vid]

 

 

for me, as i have already almost met my maker, i have had all mo reconciliations and past buried. I am ready to go anytime, without regrets!

 

you only live life once and for me, is about living life

 

Wah... steady lah. Before you go, please will me your assets. I think I will have no regrets then liao

 

Debts you can bring along with you to bury.

[Kurty]

seem like another great book there, i love reading such books..

 

life is always a regret, pondering if only and why can't i..

 

i guess i still got a long way to go in life.

[Hydrocarbon]

Brings to mind a friend who spent his last weeks seeking out all his past and present friends and loved ones just to bid farewells and leave parting words.

 

Those going to meet him.. Wonder how they felt.. Knowing that it was to say last goodbyes. Then again, I realised that most of the time when we meet our friends, we'll never know if we will meet them again or if it's the last time.

 

I guess one of my regrets is letting some friendships fade from close friends to hi bye friends, hurting a really nice girl, and not chasing someone, not knowing how it would turn out is worse.

[Myxilplix]

 

 

for me, as i have already almost met my maker, i have had all mo reconciliations and past buried. I am ready to go anytime, without regrets!

 

you only live life once and for me, is about living life

 

Every man dies, not every man really lives.

 

 

 

 

 

(Braveheart)