Posted to Shanghai

[Joemit7850]

Hi,

 

I am married with a wife, no kid.

 

my company are sending me to China (almost certain as nobody else can go as I am one of the partner for this company) for at least 1-2 year.

problem is my wife has her own career which pay her quite well and she is almost certain does not want to separate with me for too long.

 

If I am asking her to give up her career and join me in China - she will have to give up everything she built up in her company and restart, even might have to restart again when she come back to Singapore.

 

If she remained in Singapore and I will be in China, this is something she do not want to it to happen.

what should I do??

 

If almost certain I will need to be in China. Should I ?

1)ask her to follow me China and leave her career?

2)ask her to remain in Singapore.

 

I know final decision still within us but I just hope someone can share their experience or idea as I am totally loss now...

 

Thanks

[Porker]

Need to reach a compromise. Talk to her.

 

Have to manage fear of running lion and loneliness but it ain't that far. Just 5 hours away.

[Jman888]

if want to save the marriage, one has to sacrifice.

[Othello]

Have to manage fear of running lion

 

need to manage ? or you mean wify manage the "certainty" !?!?

 

.

.

.

.

 

嫁雞隨雞，嫁犬隨犬

Edited November 22, 2013 by Othello

[Myxilplix]

You go Shanghai, she stay Singapore. Take turns to shuttle up and down for weekends, long weekends and holidays.

 

Make sure company provides travel allowance to come home or fly your wife up.

 

Also can arrange to meet wife somewhere else for short holidays together to keep the love fires burning. One weekend in HK, another one in Qingdao, next go to Taipei, etc etc.

[S4vtec]

Same predicament here , but mine is comparatively worse, in Shandong a third tier town. Have a 3 year old kid and the wife is already with her current job for almost a decade with promising advancement oppurtunities.

 

Even though verbal assurances should do , we know that women like to think like a TVB scriptwriter, She has agreed to quit and follow with the kid , but i do not want to make it as if this was forced onto her.....

 

 

 

choiuces too

[Toothiewabbit]

if want to save the marriage, one has to sacrifice.

Pruss one.

[Mcscot]

I am sorry you have been placed in this position. No easy answer. If you can go first and set up an apartment and settle down, ask her to join you for 6 months - 1 year before heading back and then you follow her back 6 months later.

[Neost]

Run a few hypothetical situation analysis and choose the one that gives you the greatest chance of success in life.

 

I had a fairly situation like yours many years back. But I was just a employee and not a partner. My employer setting up a Shanghai office to co-ordinate all manufacturing activities all over China and I am suppose to be the first cow there to setup and run the Shanghai office. Good money and plenty of freedom... But in the end, I choose to stay behind for my wife and 2 kids. Never regrets the decision at all because seeing your kids growing up and back to family warm is priceless.

[Joemit7850]

Same predicament here , but mine is comparatively worse, in Shandong a third tier town. Have a 3 year old kid and the wife is already with her current job for almost a decade with promising advancement oppurtunities.

 

Even though verbal assurances should do , we know that women like to think like a TVB scriptwriter, She has agreed to quit and follow with the kid , but i do not want to make it as if this was forced onto her.....

 

 

 

choiuces too

 

haha.. are you still in Shandong and did both of them follow you ?

[Fcw75]

If you have no kid, it is slightly easier. Go there first for 6 months to settle down, then ask her to go over. Not good for both to go over straightaway since she's also doing OK here.

[Othello]

another word of advice. If stay China too long, may be hard to adjust when you get back to SG. If you like it there, you wun like SG. If you hate it there, you'll be back within 1 year

[Count-Bracula]

Sorry to say but it is with good intentions, just don't fall prey to the *ahem* *ahem*

 

and remember . . . "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is that what they say?

 

Good luck, bro!

[Joemit7850]

I am sorry you have been placed in this position. No easy answer. If you can go first and set up an apartment and settle down, ask her to join you for 6 months - 1 year before heading back and then you follow her back 6 month

 

 

yes this is what my company plan for , I will station there 6 month and get her in, however, qns is she will have to give up everything, unless she can get a good pay in Shanghai which I doubt.

[Fcw75]

Sorry to say but it is with good intentions, just don't fall prey to the *ahem* *ahem*

 

and remember . . . "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is that what they say?

 

Good luck, bro!

 

Very hard not to esp when Shanghai girls are tall, slim, fair, pretty...hahaha.

[The_Bear]

Hi,

 

I am married with a wife, no kid.

 

my company are sending me to China (almost certain as nobody else can go as I am one of the partner for this company) for at least 1-2 year.

problem is my wife has her own career which pay her quite well and she is almost certain does not want to separate with me for too long.

 

If I am asking her to give up her career and join me in China - she will have to give up everything she built up in her company and restart, even might have to restart again when she come back to Singapore.

 

If she remained in Singapore and I will be in China, this is something she do not want to it to happen.

what should I do??

 

If almost certain I will need to be in China. Should I ?

1)ask her to follow me China and leave her career?

2)ask her to remain in Singapore.

 

I know final decision still within us but I just hope someone can share their experience or idea as I am totally loss now...

 

Thanks

 

If you have to ask, don't.

[SuPerBoRed]

It really depends on your job nature imo.. If you have/need to constant exposure to the dark and seedy 'sights' in sh, with temptations abound, its not good for the marriage. Similarly, in your absence, you will face the same fear. Boils down to trust, i suppose. To me, good paying jobs are tough and hard to find. If your china oppty pays for a much better life together in china, then bring her along, tho the standard of living in shanghai gets higher by the day. Still better holiday chances than staid singapore. Besides, she can maybe try to get overseas posting there or can a new job there?

[Joemit7850]

Need to reach a compromise. Talk to her.

 

Have to manage fear of running lion and loneliness but it ain't that far. Just 5 hours away.

 

she don't like to leave me too far as you know how the Chinese work in business... KTV ...gal... drink.... etc

 

5 hrs is not long but to travel from Singapore to Shanghai vices verses are not cheap if not too often, even through my company agreed to let me travel back 1 week every month for the first year.

 

my wife is super sticky person (if you know what I mean) will follow me everywhere except I go work and toilet .. haha 00