Parental advice

[BlueOldMan]

Lastly, im sorry for any term i used on you

I apologised to you

 

Since its your issue, good luck

its an open forum n we jus voicing personal opinion

 

Thanks n hope evreything works out fine for you bro

[Zacxaviqer]

Thats y i said sorry first. but but if you give birth to a child, but u decided that u cant look after

you are considered her dad in her position, jus that shes is made up from your sperm

she is looked after by the grandma, now she not only dun trust her dad, she trust her grandma, its normal rite?

put yourself in her shoe bro

 

my bad for being so direct, im sorry

i feel for the kid, i feel for the grandma too

 

she got to bring up her kids, and oso bring up her grand child at this age

in the end, kana bashing on internet only

 

bad

 

 

So in order to be a parents in Singapore, the couple had to be financially strong so that one of them can stop working and take care of the child full time in order to be considered as capable of having a kid??? I wondered why birth rate are so low now.

 

Look, I say it before, we can afford a maid or sent her to childcare but ultimately it will be my MIL who will be spending more time with her during weekdays and therefore my MIL influence over my daugther will still be there.

 

I dun understand what u mean by my MIl has to bring her her kids and bring her her grandchild at this age....

She volunteering to take care of the daughter for us.

 

 

 

[Zacxaviqer]

no no i mean your MIL... not your daughter.... she most likely got used to making decisions on your behalf... in a way your daughter is her daughter liao

 

 

I told her that she could consult my wife but in the end, she make the decision on her own...

 

I believe that she has gotten to making decision herself because she was a divorcee and she brought up her 3 kids (including my wife) single-handedly...

[BlueOldMan]

So in order to be a parents in Singapore, the couple had to be financially strong so that one of them can stop working and take care of the child full time in order to be considered as capable of having a kid??? I wondered why birth rate are so low now.

 

Look, I say it before, we can afford a maid or sent her to childcare but ultimately it will be my MIL who will be spending more time with her during weekdays and therefore my MIL influence over my daugther will still be there.

 

I dun understand what u mean by my MIl has to bring her her kids and bring her her grandchild at this age....

She volunteering to take care of the daughter for us.

 

okay you are right

[Huntz]

I feel that you have given her what you think she want and you expected some form of feedback from her. Things did not turn out what you wanted.

Are you feeling that you are losing control over your daughter since you feel that your daughter "belong" to you?

 

Ask yourself what is the REAL issues that is making you uncomfortable?

 

It is the same little things in life that they remembered you for.

 

Do you still remember what is the things your parents did for you that left with you with the deepest impression? Have you ever find out what do your daughter think of her father ? He is just someone who bring her around for some fun?

 

I have a daughter. I want to her to know and feel that when she need someone, there is someone who she can always count on.

 

 

 

 

[Zacxaviqer]

u are right, most of the households, the father will make the final decision. problem is, you let your MIL become the father of your daughter since young. now u wanna take the authority back? good luck to u

 

 

I did not allow my MIL to be the father of my daugther. I told my daugther to come to me if she wants to go out with her friends and stuff like that. I told my daugther that she should talk to me first before anything else.

 

But certain things was out of my control as I was kept in the dark by my MIL. Just like the daily tuition session... Just like I allowed her to go out with her friends but my MIL stopped her from going out... I only knew abt it when I came back and asked her why is she at home and not outside with her friends...

 

My MIL just overrule my decision because she says, it was for the good of the child...

[Zacxaviqer]

Every now and then we see posts like forummers bring kids to legoland , mlk, GH, CH etc etc

Buy fishes for kids to eat, asking for recommendations of clinic etc etc

All these showed parents concerns to their love kids.

 

if you wan pursue yoyr career till both cant look after kid

i had rather dun give birth at that time

so since ts n wife both had been fighting for their career for past 12 yrs

they must be sb successful now

no??

 

now not only grand ma taking things into own hands

now the kid oso dun feel close n no trust to her 'own' parents

 

no???

 

ok ok im too into it, sorry

 

if pple can treat wild stray dogs with love n care in other thread

How can dun feel for the KID ?????

 

 

Hang on there... We spend quality time with her almost every weekends. We went overseas for holidays as well... The only difference between us and other couple is that we reached around 8 to 9pm and not 5 to 6pm. After that my daugther will be in our room, either cosying up with us and doing her homework...

 

How did you get the impression that we dun love our daugther?? We did not leave her to my MIL and we went out party everyday...

 

 

[Zacxaviqer]

when one of the parent is climbing the cooperate ladder, the other one can look after the kid

 

if both working but not earning alot, they can have time to look after kid after work in singapore

 

when one has to fly, the other still have to work late

 

the kid didnt feel any love for past 12 years

 

clock cant turn back liao

 

ok ok, TS asking for ideas to turn the clock...........

 

it takes time n alot of love, ask himself can he cut short his working hours to accompany his kid? his wife?

its love love n love, and warning 12 yo is gng into the rebellious stage

if he think of this 12 years ago, its easier to start from then

 

God blessed

 

 

It's not abt our daugther disrespect us or feel that we dun love her... It's abt my MIL over rules our decision because she is her caretaker during the day. It's abt my MIL being domineering over my daugther while the parents play the second fiddle instead.. I could have taken my MIL control away from my daugther, but that would be ugly and not feasible...

 

 

[Zacxaviqer]

u would be surprised. i have alot of friends who have their wives staying at home to take care of their kids.

 

 

I have alot of friends and relatives where both couple are working and depending on maids and mother or mil to take care of their children...

 

My brother and cousins are just a few examples...

[Zacxaviqer]

is your daughter taking PSLE this year?

 

 

Yes, she is...

 

Hence I did not stop the daily tuition session even though I was shocked by the arrangment. The main thing here is my MIL should have discussed with us first before making that decision with the tutor...

[La_Prairie]

Yes, she is...

 

Hence I did not stop the daily tuition session even though I was shocked by the arrangment. The main thing here is my MIL should have discussed with us first before making that decision with the tutor...

 

If you really didn't agree with the daily tuition sessions why didn't you cancel them? In your daughter's eyes it probably looks like you lan lan agree with your MIL.

[Pklim82]

So one of us should quit and take care of my daugther full time??? I wondered how many couples in Singapore actually stayed home to take care of their child and did not leave it to their Mums and Dads to take care of their kid.

 

I did not blame my MIL for being tough on the kid. I disagree with her method but I swallowed it down because I dun wan to be seen to oppose my MIL in front of my daugther. The only time that I've stepped in was when she slapped my daughter for seemingly taking too long time to respond to her calling...

 

wat i did a few mths bak.. move out.. get a childcare centre during the day.. leave my evenings and nites for my daughter.. btw mine is only 2 1/2 yrs old

[Zacxaviqer]

My PIL is in their 60s

We also have differences in way of teaching kids

I dun have to fight with them

i jus say what my son should do, even if my PIL dun agree

My wife n SILs will tell their parents, im teaching my son

dun interfere

 

They agree thats y they understand n stand by what we r doing

thats mutual respect

 

 

That what I told my wife that your mother dun respect us as a parents to our daugther... There should be mutual respect between both parties... My wife brushed it off and said that whatever her mother do is for our daugther own good...

 

Just to share another incidents... When I was scolding my daugther, my MIL will always try to intervene by giving her a fierce stare or a slap on her hand to reiterate my point... I dunno why she need to do that for because when my MIL is not around and I am scolding my daugther, she will listened and obeyed.

 

Is that normal??

[Zacxaviqer]

If you really didn't agree with the daily tuition sessions why didn't you cancel them? In your daughter's eyes it probably looks like you lan lan agree with your MIL.

 

 

I actually agreed to the more frequent tuition since this is her PSLE year however not on a daily basis.

 

Like I say, It's about my MIL actually consulted me and my wife about the daily tutition session rather than for her to make the arrangement without our knowledge and we have to found out from our daugther ourselves.

 

If she had consulted me, I would have agreed for 3 tuition sessions a week and the rest of the time, me and my wife could coach her...

 

 

[Hamburger]

like most all son in law.....your MIL dislike you.

[Zacxaviqer]

wat i did a few mths bak.. move out.. get a childcare centre during the day.. leave my evenings and nites for my daughter.. btw mine is only 2 1/2 yrs old

 

 

This is our home. My MIL is staying with us...

[Pklim82]

This is our home. My MIL is staying with us...

 

JIALIAT.... gonna be tough leh bro.. maybe its time u get serious and call for a family meeting liao..

[Jman888]

i would encourage you to attend those parenting talk (those thorough ones that cover many areas), i have volunteer in a few different sessions with many parents, honestly, your problem is not even come close to what the other have.

 

In my opinion, your MIL has no confident in you and your wife since the day you involve her to be the caretaker. Even up till today, maybe in her mind, she probably think that she is looking after 3 children instead of 1 grandchildren.

 

Please learn how to be a parent, which from your examples quoted, i see you and your wife is lacking of.

 

 

That what I told my wife that your mother dun respect us as a parents to our daugther... There should be mutual respect between both parties... My wife brushed it off and said that whatever her mother do is for our daugther own good...

 

Just to share another incidents... When I was scolding my daugther, my MIL will always try to intervene by giving her a fierce stare or a slap on her hand to reiterate my point... I dunno why she need to do that for because when my MIL is not around and I am scolding my daugther, she will listened and obeyed.

 

Is that normal??