Unltd 5th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 I got the below in an Email and thought it was really funny so share with you guys. Leaf the poor man alone! When Devan Nair became president, they replaced the crockery and silverware in the Istana with banana leaves... because they went k-ling, k-ling. It's All in the Name During an official visit to Thailand, DPM Tony Tan, DPM BG Lee Hsien Loong and opposition MP Chiam See Tong went to visit the notorious red light district Patpong. Soon enough, a pretty prostitute beckoned to the three politicians. As they all moved towards her, BG Lee halted them. He told Tony Tan, "Tony, tan." ("Tan" in Hokkien is "wait".) He then told Chiam See Tong, "Chiam see tong." (Hokkien for "temporarily hold on".) He then pointed at himself and said, "Lee, hsien loong." ("Hsien loong" sounds like Hokkien for "bang first".) Chew on this! One day, our beloved Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King.... SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell? King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away. SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers. Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King. SM: What can you do with the orange skin? King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away. SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam. Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King. SM: What can you do with the chewing gum? King: Oh, no. We just throw it away. SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand. SM was about to leave but then the King asked him... King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it? SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away. King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!! And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore. What to call the hall? As with Sheares Hall and Yusof Hall, NUS has just named one of its halls after former president Devan Nair. It's called Alco Hall. How about N.A.I.R.? No alcohol, I resign. What does D.E.V.A.N stand for? Don't ever vote another Nair What does S.R. NATHAN stand for? Sinda Requests Non-Alcoholic Thambi Hero After Nair I asked for a hot toddy, but this is ridiculous Do you know why Singaporeans dial 995 in the event of fire? Well, this dates back to when Devan Nair was still President. One day, he was sitting alone in his study at the Istana drinking his tea, when a huge commotion breaks out in the kitchen. He hears a scream and sees his wife running out of the kitchen amidst licking flames and billowing smoke. She looks hysterically at Devan Nair and shouts, "Nair, Nair, Fire!" Special Delivery One day at the Istana, Mr Devan Nair's son wanted to borrow the Presidential Rolls for a night out on the town. So Devan reluctantly agreed, saying that it should be back by midnight. Midnight came and went and still no car. 2 am and still no car. So Devan hops on his son's motorcycle and goes out in search of his son and the car. He goes all over town but can't find it. Finally, at 6am he gives up and comes putt-putting back to the Istana. The guard looks at him and says, "Eh, Thambi, how come today no Straits Times?" Argh! Mrs Devan Nair was in an SQ flight when she asked for a copy of 'Vog-ew' magazine. Air stewardess: You mean 'Vogue' magazine? Mrs Nair: OK, whatever, I won't arg with you. The real reason why Anwar was kicked out One day, SM Lee and Mahathir were drinking tea at a coffee shop when Dr. M asked SM Lee, ↡ Advertisement 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duckduck Turbocharged August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues of a man and a woman by the altar. He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensured that the universal balance was maintained. "This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin." "What about the other one?" asked the tourist. In a hushed voice, the monk said, "This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew." HAHAHAHA Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beehive3783 Turbocharged August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Classic jokes.. I like!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brianjones August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Frankly I don't even get 1% of the jokes, and I doubt the American tourist did about the kuan whadeva Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightkids 6th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kuan-Yin part is hilarious !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old-driver 5th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Made my Day!! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Csnewbie 1st Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 It's All in the Name During an official visit to Thailand, DPM Tony Tan, DPM BG Lee Hsien Loong and opposition MP Chiam See Tong went to visit the notorious red light district Patpong. Soon enough, a pretty prostitute beckoned to the three politicians. As they all moved towards her, BG Lee halted them. He told Tony Tan, "Tony, tan." ("Tan" in Hokkien is "wait".) He then told Chiam See Tong, "Chiam see tong." (Hokkien for "temporarily hold on".) He then pointed at himself and said, "Lee, hsien loong." ("Hsien loong" sounds like Hokkien for "bang first".) [laugh] Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chivas Neutral Newbie August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 damn ... cant stop laughing.... God of no mercy.... hahahaha [laugh] Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unltd 5th Gear August 23, 2011 Author Share August 23, 2011 damn ... cant stop laughing.... God of no mercy.... hahahaha [laugh] That's why I posted this at the end of the workday, imagine if you read this in office and burst out laughing..... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigershark1976 Turbocharged August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 "With that, Mahathir let out a deep sigh and shook his head with much disappointment and replied, Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoverofCar 6th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Frankly I don't even get 1% of the jokes, and I doubt the American tourist did about the kuan whadeva Are you local? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nightkids 6th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Are you local? Mai chup seow yi lah......... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old-driver 5th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Are you local? Name is ang-moh... if not then it Geh Ang Moh Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unltd 5th Gear August 23, 2011 Author Share August 23, 2011 Name is ang-moh... if not then it Geh Ang Moh Don't bother with the Ang Moh, he/she joined this forum specifically to disrupt the 65something thread. Judging from the Ang Moh's posting, don't bother la... I don't expect him to understand which is why the title is "Local jokes" and not "Foreigner jokes". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LoverofCar 6th Gear August 23, 2011 Share August 23, 2011 Don't bother with the Ang Moh, he/she joined this forum specifically to disrupt the 65something thread. Judging from the Ang Moh's posting, don't bother la... I don't expect him to understand which is why the title is "Local jokes" and not "Foreigner jokes". Just joined the forum yesterday and try to disturb.KNN ↡ Advertisement Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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