Disciplining children or child abuse?

[Ahtong]

Yesterday I witnessed a rather disturbing series of incidents.

 

#1 - A boy of about 3-4 years old ran out of the restaurant his parents were dining in. The father gave chase and yelled loudly for the boy to get back. When the boy refused, the father grabbed him and carried him back to the restaurant.

 

#2 - The boy kept crying in the restaurant. The dad carried him out of the restaurant and repeatedly slapped his face until the cheek was bright red.

 

#3 - At the lift lobby, the boy who was still crying gestured that he wanted the father to carry him. The father picked up the boy and threw him onto a couch instead.

 

Admittedly, I have no idea what is the head and tail of this story. However, I felt very disturbed watching it. In my mind these actions are actually child abuse, agree?

[Kingcopa]

  On 9/9/2010 at 3:54 AM, Ahtong said:

Yesterday I witnessed a rather disturbing series of incidents.

 

#1 - A boy of about 3-4 years old ran out of the restaurant his parents were dining in. The father gave chase and yelled loudly for the boy to get back. When the boy refused, the father grabbed him and carried him back to the restaurant.

 

#2 - The boy kept crying in the restaurant. The dad carried him out of the restaurant and repeatedly slapped his face until the cheek was bright red.

 

#3 - At the lift lobby, the boy who was still crying gestured that he wanted the father to carry him. The father picked up the boy and threw him onto a couch instead.

 

Admittedly, I have no idea what is the head and tail of this story. However, I felt very disturbed watching it. In my mind these actions are actually child abuse, agree?

long long ago - this is call disciplining your child. Nowadays - this is call child abuse

[Ender]

Ask yourself what Batman would do??

[Jman888]

maybe that was how the father was treated when he was young

[Soho]

My father used to use his slipper or shoe to throw at me and wack me when i am naughty outside..at home or in car, cane is uzed and often i have alot alot of cane marks all over my hand and leg..it make me so paisei when i go sch..others might think my father is child abusin me badly..now i am 23, i always look back at times i used to get beaten up..now i apperciate wat my father do to discipline me..make me study..and not go the wrong way... If my father not do this to me..i thinm now i wun be in local uni, i might be at some ah beng shop selling handphones....

 

And yes, next time if my children is naughty, i will wack them..but oso not too hard..apporiate beating mAkes oneearn mistake and learn.. U think the father not pain went beat the child ar..da zai shou shan , tong zai xin li

[Ahtong]

For those who are parents, how do you get your children to stop crying? Maybe I can't describe the scene vividly enough by the elderly couple in front of me also see until eyes big big mouth open wide.

 

Anyway, Batman (or shall I say Fatman) decided the scene was too volatile and intervention may have caused more complications.

[Fcw75]

Agreed. Long time ago, it is called child discipline. Nowadays, it's called child abuse. No woner kids are so spoilt nowadays.

[Skunk]

that is abuse. The father was obviously venting. I slap my daughters sometimes too, to discipline them, but only on their calves or the soles of their feet hehe.

 

When u hit your own child in the face, it's like hitting yourself. Dumb?

[Skunk]

  On 9/9/2010 at 4:07 AM, Soho said:

My father used to use his slipper or shoe to throw at me and wack me when i am naughty outside..at home or in car, cane is uzed and often i have alot alot of cane marks all over my hand and leg..it make me so paisei when i go sch..others might think my father is child abusin me badly..now i am 23, i always look back at times i used to get beaten up..now i apperciate wat my father do to discipline me..make me study..and not go the wrong way... If my father not do this to me..i thinm now i wun be in local uni, i might be at some ah beng shop selling handphones....

 

And yes, next time if my children is naughty, i will wack them..but oso not too hard..apporiate beating mAkes oneearn mistake and learn.. U think the father not pain went beat the child ar..da zai shou shan , tong zai xin li

 

yes, discipline n corporal punishment is sometimes necessary. Your dad caned u on your hand n leg, it's ok. If he hit u in your face, it would have been a different story. Children, no matter how young, are able to tell if Daddy is disciplining or hurting the child to vent frustration, n it will affect the child subconsciously.

[Solar]

abuse and discipline are viewed with different perspectives... some will see as abuse (bro batman), some not..

i remember reading an article (in NZ) that it is illegal to smack children.. the parents can be arrested.. how? abuse?

 

i think all parents love their kids.. their method of delivery is different..

Edited September 9, 2010 by Solar

[Jman888]

  On 9/9/2010 at 4:07 AM, Ahtong said:

For those who are parents, how do you get your children to stop crying? Maybe I can't describe the scene vividly enough by the elderly couple in front of me also see until eyes big big mouth open wide.

 

Anyway, Batman (or shall I say Fatman) decided the scene was too volatile and intervention may have caused more complications.

 

if you start everything right from home when they are young, they won't cry in public unless due to injury or seriously uncomfortable.

 

He kept crying cos he is retaliating the father behavior and seek further attention.

[Altivo]

  On 9/9/2010 at 4:12 AM, Jman888 said:

if you start everything right from home when they are young, they won't cry in public unless due to injury or seriously uncomfortable.

 

He kept crying cos he is retaliating the father behavior and seek further attention.

 

agree... it is important to set a "standard" from young... ie: toddlers. The best method is to ignore them. When they realised no one is paying them any attention, they will stop crying. However, often, when the kid cries... someone and usually the grandparents will rush off to coax them. This is not helping and the action only reinforces the idea that crying works. And if no one comes over to them, they will just cry louder or even throw tantrums. Why? Cos they know someone will pacify them and give them attention.

[Hiphiphoray]

I just need to raise my voice to discipine my kids. My loud voice is enough to frighten them.

 

Cos sometimes sharing the lift with neightbours 5 floors down, they could ask whether i was the one shouting at my kids.

 

i think the whole block can hear my shout.

 

So far, very seldom have to use the cane. But when shouting dont work, i'll pick up the cane and will come with a super black face..........duno why its extremely effective. immediately they will stop all the nonsense.

 

Slapping is a big no no.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Hiphiphoray

[Ahtong]

My gut feel was that the father has run out of options so he just whacked. Having said that I wonder how repeated slaps is going to make the boy stop crying. Best part was the boy wanted the father to carry (sayang) and he got thrown onto the couch instead.Throughout the drama, the mum just continued eating. Later she paid up quietly looks like she is controlling her temper)and went to rejoin her family.

 

I agree that children should be disciplined, but I think every witness also knew in their hearts that this one crossed the line. It's really a damn complex issue so I hope those with parenting experience like Skunk can share their thoughts.

 

 

[Soho]

Ya.. I agree that parents if wanna hit, hit hands and leg is ok..slapping of face abit-.- .... My cousin who is like pri 2... His father is a v nice guy...always smily and stuff treat the family vv ni e too..but occasionally, my cousin would do stupid things like scold his mum(yes!) or like just throw a big fuss in public or wat..my uncle would be so angry tat he would slap him in his face a few time.. Yes..and it turn red..but i oso dunno y he dun hit other place but face.. My uncle is a v civilised abit book worm looking high managment manager.. Dunno y only went he hit his son he changed to another person and look scary

[Tonyhawk]

my father once smashed the tv remote control against the back of my head because of something i did wrong. the remote control broke into 1000 little pieces.

 

i blame that incident for my inability to process information from the TV subsequently.

 

i also learnt not to use vulgarities on my mother ever again.

Edited September 9, 2010 by Tonyhawk

[Nutsack]

I think it's a cultural thing more than an effectiveness thing.

 

For instance, my wife comes from a more "cheena" family. So her siblings got corporal punishment whenever they're naughty (soiling their clothes playing in drains, coming home late from school cos went out to play, etc). So the cane was used often. My wife, however, was the youngest (and a girl). And being born significantly later than her siblings, during the transitional cultural period where physical punishment was slowly becoming "unfashionable", she didn't get much of the cane. Plus, she was very "guai".

 

My wife is a very down to earth person. Never lies. Hates lying - whatever the reason. She's a frugal and sensible adult. She has a successful career and earning a good living with better finances than most of her contemporaries.

 

I, however, grew up in a more westernised family. My dad doesn't hit me. At all. My mom was the disciplinarian. But she didn't use the cane. But cos she's from "that" generation. There was still some physical punishment. She pinched me (occasionally bruised), slapped my hands and arms. Screamed at me.

 

But because the cane wasn't used, I (forunately) am not selling mobile phones at some tiny heartland stall. I'm pretty much the same kinda person as my wife.

 

So the methods are different but the teaching is the same.

 

I believe that corporal punishment is an outdated way of disciplining children, but should never be entirely ruled out as an option as long as it's used for the right reasons in the right way.

 

Corporal punishment is only abuse when it's excessive and/or used out of anger. It must be done in a calm and calculated manner - not while the parent is emotional. It's only when the parent is emotional that things can cross over from being methodical and measured, to being abusive.

 

  On 9/9/2010 at 4:07 AM, Soho said:

My father used to use his slipper or shoe to throw at me and wack me when i am naughty outside..at home or in car, cane is uzed and often i have alot alot of cane marks all over my hand and leg..it make me so paisei when i go sch..others might think my father is child abusin me badly..now i am 23, i always look back at times i used to get beaten up..now i apperciate wat my father do to discipline me..make me study..and not go the wrong way... If my father not do this to me..i thinm now i wun be in local uni, i might be at some ah beng shop selling handphones....

 

And yes, next time if my children is naughty, i will wack them..but oso not too hard..apporiate beating mAkes oneearn mistake and learn.. U think the father not pain went beat the child ar..da zai shou shan , tong zai xin li

 

[Jman888]

  On 9/9/2010 at 4:21 AM, Soho said:

Ya.. I agree that parents if wanna hit, hit hands and leg is ok..slapping of face abit-.- .... My cousin who is like pri 2... His father is a v nice guy...always smily and stuff treat the family vv ni e too..but occasionally, my cousin would do stupid things like scold his mum(yes!) or like just throw a big fuss in public or wat..my uncle would be so angry tat he would slap him in his face a few time.. Yes..and it turn red..but i oso dunno y he dun hit other place but face.. My uncle is a v civilised abit book worm looking high managment manager.. Dunno y only went he hit his son he changed to another person and look scary

 

these are the most dangerous people 笑里藏刀 and they probably suppress their feeling most of the time cos they are the Mr Nice Guy