Balancing work and family life

[Ferraricalifornia]

it's your child for goodness sake....

[Yattokame]

Sometimes we can take a step back and just commit on the needs and not on all the wants. That may ease your financial burdens somewhat and you will have more breathing space.

 

I always remember what an ex-boss said to us: No one is indispensable in this office.

 

It's very true. You slog hard for the company. The company wins. Your life may suffer in terms of r/s, health. Once you underperform or perform below your usual self, you are out and another takes your place. If you die at your desk due to overwork, lagi worst. You will probably receive a wreath from the company max at best. Bay gim is a pte matter from your colleagues. This happens more so for those working in a big MNC where you are just one of the many tired faces.

 

agree. and thanx for posting this.

serves as a wake up call for me.

[Cootie-Monster]

he b.acc 2nd lower

 

then joined deloitte until mgr

 

now cfo 25k

 

but he is a very willing to take risk person

 

Lasting long enough in an audit firm to reach manager is tough because of no life and super long hours, so your friend also sacrificed alot.

 

Anyway, $25k/4 is also $6k+. Not bad already .... can drive more than just pickup.

 

[Dogbert1973]

long time ago, i made this decision to be a small man. a man with not much marnie, not much assets, not much of a career (just a job), just a family

 

time is not what we can get back. i only got this 12 years before they grow up. for this reason, i took up photography.

 

end up i earn 4 times lesser than my FYP mate, drive a pigkarp, live a 4 room flat far far away from my workplace, no career, just a job.......

 

so looking back, are you happy with your choice, anything you would change? or you would do the same again?

[Magfocus]

This is good thread, plenty of good advice, rather than some kid talking rubbish

 

There was once my 2yo son had a field trip outing during a weekday, wife and I both had to work, and usually work long hours. I decided to take the morning off to be with him, as a parent had to be around, if not a teacher will be assigned to them for the said trip. I could see the look in his eyes, how proud he was to have his daddy come with him, as many of the kids just had helpers/maids to come along to take the place of their parents. My son still tells me up till now he is happy daddy was with him that day. I never regretted taking that morning off, even though i had some important meetings The look on his face was priceless

Edited September 2, 2010 by Magfocus

[Josho]

Im glad to have this thread... really.

 

it is the balance of family and work. Some people will think family must come first because of bonding, which i belong to that, while the rest believe in earning more money and neglect the bonding.

 

That's why when they grow up, they tend to drift away from their parent.

 

Apparently for me, i really wanted to work hard to earn more money. Fortunately, although I am holding a full time job, I do freelance on audio and photography which come in once a blue moon. There are still room to commit to my darling daughter, wife and parents. I wanted my kid to be like my friend rather than drifting far away. It hurts, you see.

 

really, this is a good thread for all the father/ father-to-be to share within each other. =)

[NightWind]

Sometimes we can take a step back and just commit on the needs and not on all the wants. That may ease your financial burdens somewhat and you will have more breathing space.

 

I always remember what an ex-boss said to us: No one is indispensable in this office.

 

It's very true. You slog hard for the company. The company wins. Your life may suffer in terms of r/s, health. Once you underperform or perform below your usual self, you are out and another takes your place. If you die at your desk due to overwork, lagi worst. You will probably receive a wreath from the company max at best. Bay gim is a pte matter from your colleagues. This happens more so for those working in a big MNC where you are just one of the many tired faces.

 

Its not that simple. Pls read Lim Ai Ling's case (above) again. Her needs were very simple. All she wanted was more time with family. She was pregant....that was her only "crime" and she lost her job.

 

Hers is not an isolated case. What the article points out is that the PAP implements many unreleastic policies. These so called "family friendly" policies can only become reality in Stat Boards, GLCs, TLCs where there is a fat pockets loned by tax payers $$$. They cannot be applied in the private sector which is lean and mean. Just as million dollar PAP minstars can only be employed at those salaries in PAP cabinet and GLCs / TLCs, these 'gifted" ministars will never be employed in bona fide private sector MNCs where every dollar put to good use and stretched.

 

As an affirmation u only need to see Singapore's plummeting birth rates and marriage rates. The locals here will not take on even heavier financial burdens and commitments when it is difficult enough as it is just to look after oneself.

[Greatbirdlegend]

I'm only one of the workaholics who are attached to work via the Blackberries.

I've always been doing this my entire work life but recently after my kids are here I've also started to ease back on the pedal.

Now I'm learning to ignore the BB during weekends and only work after my kids go to bed.

My career makes me happy but my kids makes me even happier.

I understand not everyone can have that luxuries but if possible try to look for companies that are really pro-family.

[Windwaver]

Second part of article follows;

 

 

Today

20 Jan 2005

Lim Ai Ling

 

HERE'S WHY FAMILY-FRIENDLY BENEFITS DON'T FARE WELL HERE

------------------------------

[Windwaver]

This is good thread, plenty of good advice, rather than some kid talking rubbish

 

There was once my 2yo son had a field trip outing during a weekday, wife and I both had to work, and usually work long hours. I decided to take the morning off to be with him, as a parent had to be around, if not a teacher will be assigned to them for the said trip. I could see the look in his eyes, how proud he was to have his daddy come with him, as many of the kids just had helpers/maids to come along to take the place of their parents. My son still tells me up till now he is happy daddy was with him that day. I never regretted taking that morning off, even though i had some important meetings The look on his face was priceless

 

For me, nothing beats family bond. That's why I always don't allow my boss to abuse me by making me work late for nothing. I have in the process fired several bosses but even until today, I think those decisions were right

[Kxbc]

Its not that simple. Pls read Lim Ai Ling's case (above) again. Her needs were very simple. All she wanted was more time with family. She was pregant....that was her only "crime" and she lost her job.

 

Hers is not an isolated case. What the article points out is that the PAP implements many unreleastic policies. These so called "family friendly" policies can only become reality in Stat Boards, GLCs, TLCs where there is a fat pockets loned by tax payers $$$. They cannot be applied in the private sector which is lean and mean. Just as million dollar PAP minstars can only be employed at those salaries in PAP cabinet and GLCs / TLCs, these 'gifted" ministars will never be employed in bona fide private sector MNCs where every dollar put to good use and stretched.

 

As an affirmation u only need to see Singapore's plummeting birth rates and marriage rates. The locals here will not take on even heavier financial burdens and commitments when it is difficult enough as it is just to look after oneself.

 

Edit: I re-read your statement (bold). Working from home is not Ai Ling's needs. It is her desired outcome so that she can have the best of both world, ie, spend more time with the kids by working from home. I am not saying she is wrong but those are not her needs. I do not know what are her needs: Is it a bigger apt, more pay etc etc? But I know what she wants. She wants more time with her kids whilst having the same job. I am not implying her request is unreasonable. It seems quite ok from the limited info available. Perhaps the full picture was not available through the article which may have another agenda. Perhaps her boss has no EQ. Perhaps her employer has no empathy. I don't know. I do have a friend working in a Ministry whose boss gave her some flexibility to work from home on some days so that she can spend some time with her kids. End of Edit.

 

I am not talking about whatever policies put in place by the govt or the co. Some are crap, some are not. The reason why policies mostly fail are due to poor implementation or human fallacy.

 

When I wrote "take a step back", I meant rethinking your life strategy and life goals. Eg if your life strategy is to have $3m in cash savings with no liabilities and a landed property by age 45, then your plan may be to set up a business or work in a MNC which generally pays more which normally translates to more time spent in the office than at home/elsewhere. something somewhere has to give. It's always a balancing act. Some folks are great at balancing: They do well at their jobs, they spend meaningful time with the family, live a lavish life etc etc. However, these are the minority.

 

The majority are like me. If I spend too much time in the office giving my damn best to be an A grader so that I can afford that $2m condo and that $200k car, sooner or later my wife will complain I spend too much time at the office, my cats will start to drift away from me (they are like mini humans) and my health may start to fail.

 

So what can I do? What do I want to do? What are my life goals? What is my strategy? The $2m condo and $200k car are wants, not needs (at least to me). I am still living comfortably in my present home. My 4 yr old 1.5 Jap still runs. My family is not adverse to taking public transport again. I can scale back either in my present or next job. I will still perform to the best of my ability in my job. But I will make sure I don't take in unreasonable requests which will mean that I reach home 12 midnight everyday just so because they dangle this promotion and pay increment in front of me.

 

All these are independent of the work-life balance policies in place or not in place. If there are such policies and I can make use of it, better still. But my first premise is to always adjust my lifestyle appropriately to strike a balance between life and work whereby I can manage responsibly on a long term basis.

 

I live by this now: 知足尝乐。

Edited September 2, 2010 by Kxbc

[Josho]

I'm only one of the workaholics who are attached to work via the Blackberries.

I've always been doing this my entire work life but recently after my kids are here I've also started to ease back on the pedal.

Now I'm learning to ignore the BB during weekends and only work after my kids go to bed.

My career makes me happy but my kids makes me even happier.

I understand not everyone can have that luxuries but if possible try to look for companies that are really pro-family.

 

I agreed with you totally.

Pro family is important because they understand as well.

 

 

[Ahtong]

Last time I worked past midnight and took a taxi home. I was in a bad mood because I had to work so late and my boss don't seem to appreciate.

 

On the taxi, I started chatting with the cabby about work. He told me he just got retrenched recently and ended up driving a cab. The good thing about being a cabby is that he can tailor his schedule around his kids. He will have dinner with them and then go driving for a couple of hours before returning at around 10pm to check their homework and then send them to bed. After that, he will go out driving again.

 

With regards to money, he has a list of monthly expense which he matches his income against. Once all the expenses are covered, everything else is a bonus. If you read between the lines, this cabby is having a tough time but he can still take his problems in a light hearted manner.

 

After talking to him, I don't feel so angry anymore.

[RadX]

Last time I worked past midnight and took a taxi home. I was in a bad mood because I had to work so late and my boss don't seem to appreciate.

 

On the taxi, I started chatting with the cabby about work. He told me he just got retrenched recently and ended up driving a cab. The good thing about being a cabby is that he can tailor his schedule around his kids. He will have dinner with them and then go driving for a couple of hours before returning at around 10pm to check their homework and then send them to bed. After that, he will go out driving again.

 

With regards to money, he has a list of monthly expense which he matches his income against. Once all the expenses are covered, everything else is a bonus. If you read between the lines, this cabby is having a tough time but he can still take his problems in a light hearted manner.

 

After talking to him, I don't feel so angry anymore.

 

 

I have mentioend many times before, we are here, and we are also privileged to be here cos we 'are quite ok'....think objectively and you realy wun comprain...

[Mustank]

now that i already got to know my two boys, i will choose to do the same

 

but it could be the case whereby i do not know of another life and hence is unable to choose also.......

[Mustank]

yah man......he really no life one.....

 

all our friends laugh at him and say he got money but no time to spend.....so he buy a bmw......

 

accountant is very conservative one......can buy cheap and durable products, confirm they buy......very giam one

[Pokyman]

Companies., no matter how hard u slog for them or whatnot, see you just as an employee number. Any slack you will be replaced. Like it or not. Like what most bros mentioned, i see ex-coligs who slog longer hours get the axe. I am even forced to lay off staff myself. All are hardworking people, but big boss say lay off one so how? One have 3 kids, the other pregnant, one is uncle, the other is a young chap, just graduate. This kind of decision see beh cham one.

 

No matter what, its the look of my kids faces when they see me spend time with them is priceless, that can never be replaced. I grew up with my dad working late everynight and now, i am not close to him. I want my sons to be friends with me, someone they can confide in and not just see me as an ATM

[Shorty]

this seem to be a prob in spore in this age. more work, more money n less time or normal work, less pay but more time. some lucky ones will hv best of both worlds. normal working hrs, a lot of money n a lot of time. but i'm not one of them. i'm stuck in the middle. get a high paying job to b able to give my kids all they want but no time for them? or get a normal paying job to give all the time for them w/o the luxuries?

 

today's world is so materialistic. everything is abt money. those who say money is not everything, already hv a lot of money. money is everything. but money cant buy time. so...this is a very difficult balancing act.

 

for now, i choose time, n jus a bit more money. my daughter is coming to 3, n i hv a boy coming soon next mth. in my line, i can possibly get a job dat pays at least 1-2k more. but, non stop work. n for that, i wont hv time to play wif my kids, n cant watch them grow. like a lot hv said, 1-12 yrs r the most impt yrs. these r the yrs when u create the bond. for the fathers now...try to watch ur kids when they r asleep. its such a wonderful sight, n really brings peace. i sleep wif my daughter every nite...n i cant get tired looking at her everyday.

 

so...to all fathers/fathers to be...consider this when taking on time consuming jobs. don worry abt not being able to give ur kids the iphone,ipad or watever i is out there. worry abt how they will gro up w/o u by their side. worry abt the times when ur kid will put u as deceased (as related by another bro), worry abt being parent but not a father, worry abt when the maid is the closest "parent" to ur kids...