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No sex tonight !!!

Hishercar

By Hishercar,
in Lite & EZ

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Hishercar

Hishercar

Clutched

OK I decided to retire from politics hopefully permanent

 

so here is to make up for those who weren't happy and hopefully it is a useful tip for you

 

 

 

No sex tonight !!!

>

>

> When girls don't put out!!

>

> This was written by a guy ..... it's pretty damn smart.

 

 

>

> Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! I

> never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women

> differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus

> and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with

> their head and women with their heart.

>

> FOR EXAMPLE:

>

> One evening last week, my girlfriend and

> I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat

> up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it,

> I just want you to hold me.'

>

> I said, 'WHA T??!! What was

> that?!'

>

> So she says the words that every

> boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

>

> 'You're just not in touch with my

> emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your

> physical needs as a man.'

>

> She responded to my puzzled look by

> saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not

> what I do for you in the bedroom?'

>

> Realizing that nothing was going to

> happen that night, I went to sleep.

>

> The very next day I opted to take the day

> off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice

> lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed

> department store. I walked around with her while she tried

> on several different very expensive outfits. She

> couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her

> we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

> compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair

> for each outfit.'

>

> We went on to the jewelry department

> where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell

> you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one

> wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was

> testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she

> doesn't even know how to play tennis.

>

> I think I threw her for a loop when I

> said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost

> nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

> Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I

> think this is all

> dear, let's go to the cashier.'

>

> I could hardly contain myself when I

> blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

>

> Her face just went completely blank as

> her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

>

> I then said, 'Honey! I just want you

> to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch

> with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy

> your shopping needs as a woman.'

>

> And just when she had this look like she

> was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just

> love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

>

> Apparently I'm not having sex tonight

> either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than

> her.

>

>

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Guyver

Guyver

1st Gear

Hi,

 

This is not bad.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

 

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times, I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often :

 

 

1. WE WILL WAKE THE CHILDREN...17 times

2. IT'S TOO LATE...15 times

3. I'M TOO TIRED...5 times

4. IT'S TOO EARLY...52 times

5. IT'S TOO HOT...15 times

6. PRETENDING TO BE ASLEEP...49 times

7. THE NEIGHBOURS WILL HEAR...9 times

8. BACKACHE...2 times

9. HEADACHE...26 times

10. SUNBURNT...10 times

11. YOUR MOTHER WILL HEAR US...36 times

12. NOT IN THE MOOD...21 times

13. YOU WILL WAKE THE BABY...17 times

14. WATCHING THE LATE SHOW...7 times

15. TOO SORE...9 times

16. NEW HAIRDO...6 times

17. THE WRONG TIME OF THE MONTH...14 times

18. YOU HAD TO GO TO THE TOILET...19 times

 

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory, because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

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Osiris

Osiris

1st Gear

Part 2

 

 

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND :

 

I think you have got things a little confused. Here are the reasons you did not get more than you did :

 

 

1. CAME HOME DRUNK AND TRIED TO f--k THE CAT...7 times

2. DID NOT COME HOME AT ALL...29 times

3. DID NOT COME...14 times

4. CAME TOO SOON...26 times

5. WENT SOFT BEFORE YOU GOT IN...18 times

6. TOES IN A CRAMP...9 times

7. WORKING TOO LATE...51 times

8. YOU HAD A RASH - PROBABLY FROM A TOILET SEAT...21 times

9. SOMEBODY KICKED YOU IN THE BALLS, IN A FIGHT...4 times

10. CAUGHT IT IN YOUR ZIPPER ... 8 times

11. GOT A COLD, YOUR NOSE KEPT RUNNING...14 times

12. BREWERS DROP AND ALCO-LIMP...95 times

13. YOUR TEA WAS TOO HOT - BURNT TONGUE...8 times

14. YOU HAD A SPLINTER IN YOUR FINGER...4 times

15. LOST IT AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT ALL DAY...13 times

16. CAME IN YOUR PJs WHILE READING DIRTY BOOK...8 times

 

Of the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you missed, and were f--king the sheets. It wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "would you prefer me on my back, or kneeling."

 

The times you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to breathe. However, six months ago, I phoned the A.A. for help, and their rep. has been calling on me most afternoons.

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Rayoh

Rayoh

Neutral Newbie

don't understand since these women don't need sex, why they get married [confused]

 

Well, do you get married for sex?????

 

IMO, its the end of sex life after marriage... hahaha... [lipsrsealed]

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