Mummy or wife IMPORTANT?????

[Altivo]

wad goes ard, comes ard.

 

his kids will abandon him all the same.

 

i agree... he has set an example for his kids.... his time will come.

[Axelpro]

I will choose mummy for the following reasons:

 

1. She will forgive you no matter what ugly things you have done

2. You wont have 'ex-mum' . But 'ex-wife' do exist

3. She brought you up, its just normal to make her life better before she leave this world

4. How many years she have left? Even if your wife doesnt like her, endure until she is 'gone'. Is it so hard??

 

I am those unlucky ones of being a sandwich. But my wife dont really stood up and quarrel with my mum. She is quite ok with her, but just dont wanna live under one roof with her! I always ask her what is wrong, and everything looks ok and close. She told me 'I dont want to live with her forever!' I told her how many years my mother left only? (*touch wood) Do you want our kids to do us this way in the future as well?

 

Haiz women... they dont think far sometimes and get too emotional..

 

I am not your typical Singaporean guy. I grow up not under singaporean style family. My parents and my culture tought me that to get married to form a family, YOU have to blend both families together (husband's and wife's) as best as possible. This is a hard effort if you see it, but the benefits will be paid to you handsomely after your marriage.

 

Just my two cents.

[Riceracer]

Relationship with wife is only as good as the contract and can be terminated via a lawyer but relationship with parent cannot be terminated. No one will call you bad person if you decided to leave your wife but you'll be called an unfilial son if you left your parent. Beside a man can change wives as many times as he wants but he can't change his mum

Edited February 17, 2009 by Riceracer

[Axelpro]

These old folks should not blame the children but themselves. Why didn't they plan ahead for their retirement? Retirement plan to depend on their children. Children cash cows is it?

 

Usually mummy wont expect you to spend a lot on her, she just want her burden to be eased or removed altogether.

[Blue850r]

in this case prob chose the wrong person to be Wife.

Most girls changed their attitude when they become wife.

 

But when their sons get married later, then wife promote to be mother status and they get a dose of their own medicine. Life is revolving.

[DarkLord]

Yo bro, I empathized with you but in my case my mum is not the "target". It's my bro's wife-to-be who happens to stay with them.

[Galantspeedz]

To be honest, living with a old person is diffcult.

 

For those that had chose mother, i wondered how many are living with them on a daily basis?

 

And also if really mother is more important then wife, then why are you not staying together with your mum but your wife instead?

 

I did not choose any in the poll because i think the most rationale thing is logic and not who is close to me after all 1 brought me to the world while the other will spend the whole life with me, it cuts both ways whichever i choose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Silver_blade]

Asian culture tends to place a greater emphasis on one's parents.

 

So it depends on your upbringing and culture.

 

If you're married, who is considered your next-of-kin?

 

In an ideal world, when you marry, you commit to the other person - 2 become 1 (and I don't mean sex). That person should be the most important person in your life from then on.

 

Your mum has your dad, and they've had their life, now it's time for yours. To me, the wife is more important - but you still have to do your best to be filial.

 

In the real world, some people's spouses are downright unreasonable, while the mother is patient and cares genuinely for the child. Of course, the converse is also true in many cases.

I agree. [nod]

[Jamstart]

For me, I have to side my wife but on the other hand, I will not go against my mum. If there is a fierce arguement between them, I will ask my wife to keep quiet and put on a full-stop to it. No matter what, we still have to respect the elder.

[Ncss]

Asian culture tends to place a greater emphasis on one's parents.

 

So it depends on your upbringing and culture.

 

If you're married, who is considered your next-of-kin?

 

In an ideal world, when you marry, you commit to the other person - 2 become 1 (and I don't mean sex). That person should be the most important person in your life from then on.

 

Your mum has your dad, and they've had their life, now it's time for yours. To me, the wife is more important - but you still have to do your best to be filial.

 

In the real world, some people's spouses are downright unreasonable, while the mother is patient and cares genuinely for the child. Of course, the converse is also true in many cases.

 

In many cases like me, dad is no longer in this world. The mum's next-of-kin is the son... how?

 

And in some cases, wife stands along with her mother (mother-in-law) side and husband has to give to in-law to respect wife...

but when comes to our own mother, we still have to stand at wife's side and give in again... what the logic . Very unfair right?

Edited February 17, 2009 by Ncss

[Refugee]

Relationship with wife is only as good as the contract and can be terminated via a lawyer but relationship with parent cannot be terminated. No one will call you bad person if you decided to leave your wife but you'll be called an unfilial son if you left your parent. Beside a man can change wives as many times as he wants but he can't change his mum

 

you seem to see marriage as a transaction.

 

anyway relationship with parents CAN be terminated via laws isnt it?

 

Unless the drama i've been watching all these years are misinforming me.

 

 

 

[Ktgan]

 

I think if you check out the one-roomer flat at red hills, or the old folk homes. Many Singaporean are has already subscribe to the thinking that wifey is more important.

 

These old folks should not blame the children but themselves. Why didn't they plan ahead for their retirement? Retirement plan to depend on their children. Children cash cows is it?

 

I came across of some parents, gambled, made illegal investment, borrow money from loan shark, and didn't want to work properly, then moved house dunno how many times. And now at the age of retirement, staying in a 4 rooms HDB, but still owe bank loan a huge amount, and still insist want to stay in 4 rooms HDB.

 

When their kids grew up and start working, the parents dun have the intention to work liao. and keep asking a lot of $$$ their children.

 

If 1 day they kana abandoned, i think it just serves them right.

[Ktgan]

you seem to see marriage as a transaction.

 

anyway relationship with parents CAN be terminated via laws isnt it?

 

Unless the drama i've been watching all these years are misinforming me.

 

wah, transaction ar, then must add in audit trail liao

[Silver_blade]

I think if you check out the one-roomer flat at red hills, or the old folk homes. Many Singaporean are has already subscribe to the thinking that wifey is more important.

I do not deny that there are some folks forgotten by their unfilial children in those area. But I think some of those folks may not be angel themselves either.

 

I used to be a volunteer in that estate...we raise the money among our schoolmates and friends to help the poor old folks. Most were appreciative to receive our help...but some will scold us for treating them like beggars for giving them so little....not even enough for them to buy cigarette, beer, to-to, etc....

 

I had come across cases where their kids left them cos they had been a lousy father when he was younger. Never around in their growing up years...but only appear when he is old and jobless. There are many cases eg. ask children for money so that he can suppose his girlfriends, other vices, etc... Some are just single.

 

Tho I haven't been a volunteer for over a decade. I still occasionally go to that area and see some of those 'appreciative', poor, old man....living on gov support...drinking beer at the hawker center (henderson/bt merah view). It is an daily affair to them.

 

Just cos they are alone and poor...doesn't neccessary means they have lousy children.

Edited February 17, 2009 by Silver_blade

[Nkps]

Haven't you heard of the cantonese saying,

 

mou lou mou, yau si hor

(No mother, so what)

mou lou por, mou hai mor

(No wife, can't touch .....)

[Gendut]

It is the concept that mothers are angel regardless that I am against.

 

Does any man here dare tick off his mom when she is in the wrong? Most men won't and that is why I say most men are soft, almost becoming wimpy.

 

Pointing out the error of the mother is not wrong. It is wrong when you do it rudely and in a nasty manner.

 

In a wife-MIL argument, it is also it is difficult to differentiate between the issues and the methods sometimes. The MIL may be right about the issues but when she choses the modes of communication that is denigrating and insulting, that is wrong. Ditto for the wife. So we have to learn to separate out the issues from the communications.

Edited February 17, 2009 by Gendut

[Mingsect]

i cant understand why i see so many guys so afraid of their wife. my STUPID uncle throw my grandma out becos wife dont like her. my grandma give him the damn HOUSE !!!!!

my friend uncle also the same, got 3 damn daughter, doc, lawyer, but he dump his mother to my friend parent, who is not doing well & never give any $$.

all becos wife dont like!!!!!

wife die or run, still can remarry, mummy only got 1

 

 

why you dun understand is becos as you are not your uncle's shoe or your friend's shoe.

 

there might be some other reasons.

 

try talking to them to understand the full story.

 

[Damienic]

Iam perhaps the rare kind who will tick off my mom when I felt she is in the wrong..I personally believe wrong means wrong, right means right and if an action/behaviour deserves a rebuke or verbal reminder, I will do it irregardless how many "rungs" tat person is abv me...I have a rather informal relationship with my mum..we are very close and yet somehow more like friends in the way we talk to each other rather than the typical mum/son divide...

Edited February 17, 2009 by Damienic