What have we learned about 2008?

[David]

From a source.

 

"Get my broker, Miss Jones."

"Yes sir. Stock, or Pawn?"

 

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

 

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

How do you find a good small-cap fund manager?

Find a good large-cap fund manager, and wait

 

The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car's been repossessed.

 

There's a surgeon, an architect and an economist. The surgeon said, 'Look, we're the most important. God's a surgeon because the very first thing God did was to extract Eve from Adam's rib.' The architect said, 'No, wait a minute, God is an architect. God made the world in seven days out of chaos.' The economist smiled, 'And who made the chaos?'

 

There are two types of economists: those who cannot forecast interest rates and those who do not know that they cannot forecast interest rates.

 

The United States has developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market.

 

President Bush said clients shouldn't be concerned by all the bank closings. If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM, he said.

 

President Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman Brothers. His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

 

Two Lehman employees get into an elevator to go home.

One pushes the button but it doesn't move. "What's going on?" he asks, "why doesn't it move"?

The other pulls out his laptop and says "Well of course, according to my model, nothing can go down further."

 

A new teacher was getting to know the kids by asking them their name and what their father did for a living.

The first little girl said: "My name is Mary and my Daddy is a postman."

The next child, a little boy said: "I'm Andy and my Dad is a mechanic."

And so it went until one little boy said: "My name is Johnny and my father is a striptease artist."

The teacher gasped and quickly changed the subject. Later, in the school yard, the teacher approached Little Johnny privately and asked if it was really true that his dad danced nude.

Little Johnny blushed and said, "No, he's really a Business Development Director at Lehman Brothers, but I'm just too embarrassed to tell anyone."

 

AIG, you know the insurance company who's getting over $11-billion of our dollars in bailout money?

Well, they announced they're giving 130 of their executives cash awards of up to $3-million. These are cash awards, not

bonuses. They say they are payments to guarantee that their top executives stay with the company. Oh, yeah, God forbid AIG should lose any of these business geniuses. Imagine what kind of shape they'd be in without these people. Again, these are cash awards, not bonuses. So we should send them to jail, not prison, see?