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Typical Yanks' Arrogance

Vtim

By Vtim,
in Lite & EZ

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Vtim

Vtim

3rd Gear
(edited)

This is an absolute classic.

 

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British authorities.

 

The transcript was released by the Ministry of Defence on 10/10/95.

 

 

 

BRITS:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.

 

 

AMERICANS:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision..

 

 

BRITS:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

 

 

AMERICANS:
This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

 

 

BRITS:
Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

 

 

AMERICANS:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS ACCOMPANY US. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

[/size]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BRITS:
WE ARE A LIGHTHOUSE, F**K OFF

Edited by Vtim
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Typhoonz

Typhoonz

4th Gear
(edited)

A case of complacency... They cannot see the lighthouse on their navigation charts meh?

Edited by Typhoonz
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Rickster

Rickster

5th Gear
(edited)

i got got this joke thru email a couple of years ago...anyway, keep up the good work. we need more jokes [thumbsup]

Edited by Rickster
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Apollo

Apollo

1st Gear

actually both also correct. it's a fleet, and USS Lincoln is huge difficult to manure-ver. there sud b sufficient info on the radar of the anti-sub frigates in the front of the fleet to figure out the lighthouse. in any case, the sea around the lighthouse wud b fairly shallow.. make no sense for a fleet to move there.

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Niteblu

Niteblu

Neutral Newbie
This is an absolute classic.

 

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British authorities.

 

The transcript was released by the Ministry of Defence on

10/10/95.

 

 

 

Whilst pretty funny.... :)

It's probably not true.

 

http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

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Qpik

Qpik

Supercharged
not really funny leh.... u muz be very very stress

 

yah...very stressed fm being maria n ahmad...hardly get to stay at home...

 

running fm 1 corner to the other corner and getting lost...

 

u got street directory to donate to me?

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Chisiang

Chisiang

2nd Gear

Here's some Air traffic control and aircraft transcript: not about Yankees but still thumbsup.gif

 

 

Aircraft: I'm F*****g bored!
Controller: Last transmitting aircraft Identify yourself!
Aircraft: I said I was f*****g bored not f*****g stupid!

 

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

 

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers

lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged

maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the

corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way,

Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a

major accident.

 

P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the

log, and S stands for the corrective action taken by

the mechanics.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.

S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on backorder.

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm

descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for!

 

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a

piston-engined airplane; the pilot meant the engine

was not running smoothly)

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

serious.

 

P: Radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

----------------------------------------------

 

 

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Chisiang

Chisiang

2nd Gear

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane. "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

 

As soon as he got to the small rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

 

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great exasperation. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

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Chisiang

Chisiang

2nd Gear
An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"
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Vtim

Vtim

3rd Gear
  • Author
A case of complacency... They cannot see the lighthouse on their navigation charts meh?

don't know ley, maybe it also show up as a dot on the radar

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Vtim

Vtim

3rd Gear
  • Author
i got got this joke thru email a couple of years ago...anyway, keep up the good work. we need more jokes thumbsup.gif

yah, this OT but still great laugh.giflaugh.giflaugh.gif

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