Vtim 3rd Gear July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 hope this is not a repost These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ____________ _________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? ____________ ____________ _________ _________ ______ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid! ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people Would you like to rephrase that? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ATTORNEY: A re you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ --- And the best for last: --- ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ************ ********* ********* ********* ********* * ↡ Advertisement Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sony 1st Gear July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 old jokes but still worth a laugh on a friday nite Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 27, 2007 Author Share July 27, 2007 yah Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little_black_dot Neutral Newbie July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 are u a lawyer? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lau_mathew Clutched July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 damn power sia. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xefera 6th Gear July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 the last one is damn power !! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comfy 1st Gear July 27, 2007 Share July 27, 2007 posted.. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Typhoonz 4th Gear July 28, 2007 Share July 28, 2007 Yup... Wonder if these questions are posed by lawyers here? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Romanc88x Clutched July 28, 2007 Share July 28, 2007 a good laugh Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 are u a lawyer? no lah, I'm not got this email from a friend my 'england' no good, almost failed during my 'O' level amost 30yrs ago Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 damn power sia. sometime they just ask questions for the sake of asking Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 the last one is damn power !! yah man, straight in the face Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 ah I see, just take it as a re-run loh Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 Yup... Wonder if these questions are posed by lawyers here? no lah, these are from the land of the free Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vtim 3rd Gear July 28, 2007 Author Share July 28, 2007 a good laugh laughter is the best medicine Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comfy 1st Gear July 28, 2007 Share July 28, 2007 yap... but still funny la... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vit4wd 1st Gear July 29, 2007 Share July 29, 2007 Great jokes. I am sure Rashid and RadX can relate very well to them. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bennking Neutral Newbie July 29, 2007 Share July 29, 2007 Haha.. this is typically what we called an occupational hazard! THanks for all the "Jokes" ↡ Advertisement Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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