We've seen the memes and watched the reels about how introverts feel so run down after going out with friends or socialising at an event that they must isolate themselves for the next two days (or is it two weeks?).

I'm no psychologist or psychiatrist, but this is supposedly because introverts don't want to be around other people. Anecdotally, they do enjoy spending time with friends, but perhaps not with all of them at once. 

Since I enjoy the company of my friends, perhaps I am an extrovert. So, hanging out with them should be a piece of cake. Or so I thought.

Photo: Vincenzo Landino, Unsplash

New realisations

Last month, one of my wife's best friends (let's call her K) flew into town for a conference, but before that event, she spent two days at our house. Though I don't know her as well as my better half does, we get along fine. I assumed that since the missus and I would be entertaining her, this would be a walk in the park.

We picked up K from the airport on a Saturday afternoon and treated her to lunch in Jewel before heading home so we could get her settled.

Later, we went to dinner in Jalan Besar. Since our guest had a long day, we headed back home right after, did a bit more catching up and turned in before midnight.

The next day should have been easy. Since we all woke up late, we decided to have an early lunch before going to Gardens by the Bay to explore the 'Impressions of Monet' exhibition. Afterwards, we dropped K off at her hotel.

'Exhaustion' sets in

My better half and I exhaled sighs of relief as we drove off. "I'm so tired!" she proclaimed. "I need to lie in bed for two hours!" I replied. And that's exactly what we did when we got back.

I don't know if there's a name to this (is this even a defined condition?), but all those reels and memes about the 'social battery running low' could not have felt more real. Was it too much stimulation from the Sunday crowd? Was I just tired from the workweek? A bit of both?

Whatever it was, this relatively simple hosting schedule was surprisingly taxing. I felt drained. At that point, I would have refused a coffee run. Even if it meant being able to ride my bike.

Photo: Kinga Howard, Unsplash

Maybe it's not overstimulation

I thought I was tired from the crowds. Having to process all that visual and audio stimulation whilst avoiding bumping into tourists takes a lot of energy.

Upon further pondering, I surmised that having to continuously carry a conversation is probably what did us in. Being mentally and emotionally present takes a toll. We didn't just sit around and stare at our phones; we conversed and reminisced. We were engaged.

You get worn out when you dedicate so much of yourself. It's probably why a lot of folks today prefer the company of their devices to actual people. You can switch off your phone when you're tired of doomscrolling or when the battery runs out.

But when you're in someone's company or keeping someone company, you can't just 'switch off' by standing up and leaving. Well, you could, but it would be incredibly rude.

Photo: Shane, Unsplash

Managing your 'mana'

K is neither the first nor will she be the last houseguest. But now that we've realised how much 'mana' it takes to entertain someone and how long it takes to refill, we will have an even more relaxed plan next time.

We can schedule longer periods of just hanging out at home instead of going out. And when we do bring our guest out, we will ensure it is someplace that isn't crowded or difficult to access.

Meaningful conversations can only take place when there are fewer distractions around you. In such a setting, everyone is also more comfortable, and energy levels are better managed.

I sound cold, talking about how I must consciously manage the time I spend with friends. Well, I'm no longer a teenager with boundless energy, able to survive on two hours' sleep and continue going for another day before crashing for 16 hours straight.

I'm cognisant that like money, time and energy must be invested judiciously. Also, sleep debt is real. Accrue too much and it takes a long time to pay back. For me, a five-day workweek with less than seven hours of sleep daily requires two straight weeks of proper sleep to repay.

Five nights of inadequate sleep demands 14 nights of good shut-eye. I might be wrong but that sounds like an 'interest rate' of 280%.