Before/After - How has fatherhood/motherhood change you?

[Nzy]

Dunno any unwed single mums hence cannot confirm or comment got subsidies. But why her family members not helping her as well? Isn't the child a grandchild too? Won't he call them popo and gong gong too? Perhaps she is an orphan?

 

I hope she will get help and financial aid too. It is not easy bringing up kids last time and now. It has never been easy.

 

But if there are available agencies who do help such persons, please share so that kelvin can guide her.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Ya. I know some unwed single mums and they do not get any of the benefits at all. Not much childcare subsidies also. Actually the childcare subsidies part abit hard to get also cuz only can get the additional subsidies if both parents working. If one parent working only cannot get the additional subsidies already.

Edited September 7, 2015 by Nzy

[Staff69]

 

 

from the bottom of my humble heart, I wish to thank my grand father and father for being a man, and try their best to raise my siblings and me up.

 

 

 

 

Edited September 7, 2015 by Staff69

[Vid]

I'm certain I won't raise other's kids

[Icedbs]

Coming back to this thread, may I know what is the primary motivation for most forumers here to have kids? Because it is a natural thing to do, or you(or spouse)  simply love kids, or you must have the baby bonus, or you don't wish to be lonely when old, or due to religious beliefs, or obligation issues,  or etc, etc?

 

Because when I try to think from a very neutral perspective, I can't think of advantages in having kids these days (I can however understand why people want kids in the old days) .  It takes a lot of time, money, effort to raise, and after all the trouble, that cute little thing which everyone adore  would soon turn into a teenager who can't wait to leave their parents and have their own life. And when they turn adulthood, no guarantee either they will always be near their parents because the world has globalised, they could be living in another country due to either work or marriage. Not to mention a life-long of worries for the parents even after the kid has turn adult.

 

So trying to seek some honest enlightenment here.

Edited October 28, 2015 by Icedbs

[Little_prince]

Coming back to this thread, may I know what is the primary motivation for most forumers here to have kids? Because it is a natural thing to do, or you(or spouse) simply love kids, or you must have the baby bonus, or you don't wish to be lonely when old, or due to religious beliefs, or obligation issues, or etc, etc?

 

Because when I try to think from a very neutral perspective, I can't think of advantages in having kids these days (I can however understand why people want kids in the old days) . It takes a lot of time, money, effort to raise, and after all the trouble, that cute little thing which everyone adore would soon turn into a teenager who can't wait to leave their parents and have their own life. And when they turn adulthood, no guarantee either they will always be near their parents because the world has globalised, they could be living in another country due to either work or marriage. Not to mention a life-long of worries for the parents even after the kid has turn adult.

 

So trying to seek some honest enlightenment here.

Having kids is a natural part of life. Having offsprings is hard wired into our genetics.

 

It's not easy. I agree. But nothing good in life comes easy

[Showster]

To be honest, when one "thinks" and do pros and cons assessment, there are no good reasons for having kids.

 

1. Every child is a shaving of your freedom by a minimum of 5 years. You face diapers, spilt milk, vomited stuff, faecal and urinal stuff, sleepless nights, sleepless days, MC no enough (new Jack Neo movie?)

 

2. After the 5 years, it's another 15 to 20 years of worry over how well the child is growing and coping with life's pressures. Your life is still structured along the child's schedule every day of this 15-20 years more. In fact, where you live and what kind of transport you have (whether public or private) might also be due to the needs of the child. You get a generous dose of worry every day in all kinds of situations the child is in (or not).

 

3. Your audiovisual world is transformed into one of crying (as babies), transiting into tantrums and bad behaviours (toddlers), and subsequently more or less some defiance and rebelliousness (during their teenage years).

 

4. After the 25 years, you continue to worry over the rest of your lives about whether they would be able to establish a family like you did, whether they are able to stand on their own against the world.

 

5. If you are lucky (or unlucky), you get grandchildren whom you have to start the same process all over again.

 

6. Your pocket money gets divided into many other pockets, each pocket of higher priority than your personal expenses. Every child in SG probably costs between half a mil to 1 mil to bring up.

 

Frankly, any "advantage" you get from the child directly will be few and far in between. There is also no guarantee of filial piety, or care for you when you are old. No warranty about what you are going to get or how each is going to turn out.

 

I do it simply because I never think about it. My parents never thought about it that way too, or I would never have been born. The only thing I might have thought about parenting is life is short, and this is the only way to get a complete package of life, with all its sweetness, bitterness, saltiness and spice!

 

But honestly, I do consider about having a specific number of children and not more, as every one means a huge cut off my pocket money!

 

 

Coming back to this thread, may I know what is the primary motivation for most forumers here to have kids? Because it is a natural thing to do, or you(or spouse)  simply love kids, or you must have the baby bonus, or you don't wish to be lonely when old, or due to religious beliefs, or obligation issues,  or etc, etc?

 

Because when I try to think from a very neutral perspective, I can't think of advantages in having kids these days (I can however understand why people want kids in the old days) .  It takes a lot of time, money, effort to raise, and after all the trouble, that cute little thing which everyone adore  would soon turn into a teenager who can't wait to leave their parents and have their own life. And when they turn adulthood, no guarantee either they will always be near their parents because the world has globalised, they could be living in another country due to either work or marriage. Not to mention a life-long of worries for the parents even after the kid has turn adult.

 

So trying to seek some honest enlightenment here.

 

Edited October 28, 2015 by Seohster

[Lala81]

To understand what true unconditional love is all about. 

I love my parents, but even that is conditional. They definitely love me much more than i love them.

I love my wife but that is definitely conditional and due to reciprocation.

I love my kids more than they will ever love me. But it's alright! 

 

 

 

 

[Ktglfc]

Coming back to this thread, may I know what is the primary motivation for most forumers here to have kids? Because it is a natural thing to do, or you(or spouse)  simply love kids, or you must have the baby bonus, or you don't wish to be lonely when old, or due to religious beliefs, or obligation issues,  or etc, etc?

 

Because when I try to think from a very neutral perspective, I can't think of advantages in having kids these days (I can however understand why people want kids in the old days) .  It takes a lot of time, money, effort to raise, and after all the trouble, that cute little thing which everyone adore  would soon turn into a teenager who can't wait to leave their parents and have their own life. And when they turn adulthood, no guarantee either they will always be near their parents because the world has globalised, they could be living in another country due to either work or marriage. Not to mention a life-long of worries for the parents even after the kid has turn adult.

 

So trying to seek some honest enlightenment here.

 

There is no right or wrong answer ... there is no pros and cons...

When think too much, it will become a mechanical process and not good for relationship....

 

When its time to have, you will naturally want to have...

Want to have may not equal to definitely have... all depend on whether you are destined to have or not...

 

Just let nature takes its own course ba :)

[Kiario]

To be honest, when one "thinks" and do pros and cons assessment, there are no good reasons for having kids.

 

 

to be honest, no matter the cons, i still think everything my 2 little sweethearts had given me or put me thru is priceless, and it really does make me appreciate my parents even more.

[Bacteria83]

Its a blessing to have kids, as parents we must do out best to provide them the necessity and the correct value.

 

There maybe up and down through out this journey but I look forward to be a dad in this few yrs. 

[Kiario]

To understand what true unconditional love is all about. 

I love my parents, but even that is conditional. They definitely love me much more than i love them.

I love my wife but that is definitely conditional and due to reciprocation.

I love my kids more than they will ever love me. But it's alright! 

 

i like.

 

cannot praised you yet.

[Enye]

i admit i am a closet masochist

 

[Mustank]

because my wife wanted kids

[Watwheels]

because my wife wanted kids

 

You go with it coz you get to piak piak?

[BanCoe]

Bro ..... well summed up - I'm at para. 4 of your quote..... and the most lost now at the mid 20's kids are in their own world too and I still am still providing house keeping services to them      

 

Well simply put - Life is a journey where you stumble and fall (no bed of roses too) and dont know which direction is the destination; but have to take it as a challenge that every day is a new day with bigger headaches.... and I'm able to maintain my sanity  and brighter days are ahead .... or like "sampai tuah"

 

      

To be honest, when one "thinks" and do pros and cons assessment, there are no good reasons for having kids.

 

1. Every child is a shaving of your freedom by a minimum of 5 years. You face diapers, spilt milk, vomited stuff, faecal and urinal stuff, sleepless nights, sleepless days, MC no enough (new Jack Neo movie?)

 

2. After the 5 years, it's another 15 to 20 years of worry over how well the child is growing and coping with life's pressures. Your life is still structured along the child's schedule every day of this 15-20 years more. In fact, where you live and what kind of transport you have (whether public or private) might also be due to the needs of the child. You get a generous dose of worry every day in all kinds of situations the child is in (or not).

 

3. Your audiovisual world is transformed into one of crying (as babies), transiting into tantrums and bad behaviours (toddlers), and subsequently more or less some defiance and rebelliousness (during their teenage years).

 

4. After the 25 years, you continue to worry over the rest of your lives about whether they would be able to establish a family like you did, whether they are able to stand on their own against the world.

 

5. If you are lucky (or unlucky), you get grandchildren whom you have to start the same process all over again.

 

6. Your pocket money gets divided into many other pockets, each pocket of higher priority than your personal expenses. Every child in SG probably costs between half a mil to 1 mil to bring up.

 

Frankly, any "advantage" you get from the child directly will be few and far in between. There is also no guarantee of filial piety, or care for you when you are old. No warranty about what you are going to get or how each is going to turn out.

 

I do it simply because I never think about it. My parents never thought about it that way too, or I would never have been born. The only thing I might have thought about parenting is life is short, and this is the only way to get a complete package of life, with all its sweetness, bitterness, saltiness and spice!

 

But honestly, I do consider about having a specific number of children and not more, as every one means a huge cut off my pocket money!

 

Edited October 28, 2015 by BanCoe

[Mustank]

You go with it coz you get to piak piak?

 

nope, she promised me having kids wont affect our piak piak

[Watwheels]

Coming back to this thread, may I know what is the primary motivation for most forumers here to have kids? Because it is a natural thing to do, or you(or spouse)  simply love kids, or you must have the baby bonus, or you don't wish to be lonely when old, or due to religious beliefs, or obligation issues,  or etc, etc?

 

Because when I try to think from a very neutral perspective, I can't think of advantages in having kids these days (I can however understand why people want kids in the old days) .  It takes a lot of time, money, effort to raise, and after all the trouble, that cute little thing which everyone adore  would soon turn into a teenager who can't wait to leave their parents and have their own life. And when they turn adulthood, no guarantee either they will always be near their parents because the world has globalised, they could be living in another country due to either work or marriage. Not to mention a life-long of worries for the parents even after the kid has turn adult.

 

So trying to seek some honest enlightenment here.

 

Your biological clock is ticking if you are considering of having children.

 

What you get out of it is not a deal. It's more of love and joy, something money cannot buy although you will be "investing" a lot.

 

Take one step at a time and enjoy the moments. Think too far ahead will only wear yourself down.

nope, she promised me having kids wont affect our piak piak

 

Difficult promise to keep lah bro.

[Mrmilktooth]

the amount of $ spent on bring up a child can be earned back...

 

the time and effort spent on them from newborn till they are independent can never be gotten back..

 

ｅｖｅｎ ｉｆ ｙｏｕ ｈａｖｅ ａｌｌ ｔｈｅ ｍｏｎｅｙ ｉｎ ｔｈｅ ｗｏｒｌｄ，

but the experience can never be bought

 

 

 

being a parent makes one (me) appreciate all the things my parents did for me, my inlaws did for my wife..

 

so i hope one day my child will care for me the way when we are older..  ｂｕｔ ｎｏ ｇｕａｒａｎｔｅｅｓ。。

 

 

ｓｔｉｌｌ ｈｅｒ ｅｖｅｒｙ ａｃｔｉｏｎ ｗｉｌｌ ｍｅｌｔ ｍｙ ｈｅａｒｔ。。 ａｎｄ ｂｒｅａｋ ａｌｏｔ ｏｆ ｏｔｈｅｒｓ ｌａｔｅｒ ｏｎ ｉｎ ｌｉｆｅ。。